Two of my favorites are jokes about parrots.
An English gentleman buys a parrot. And after bringing it home, he discovers it has the filthiest mouth. It constantly swears, throws out dirty jokes, and hurls insults at people passing by the window! It embarrasses the man to no end. He keeps trying to train the bird, but it doesn’t listen, just cackles back at him.
In a rage, he finally throws the bird in the freezer and closes the door. The bird squawks once, then goes very quiet. The gentleman waits a minute, then opens the door.
“Sir, I’m terribly sorry for my earlier behavior, I assure you that I won’t be speaking as such anymore,” the parrot apologizes. “But may I have a question?”
“Certainly.”
“What did that poor chicken do to deserve its fate?”
A woman goes to a pet shop and immediately spots a large, beautiful parrot. The sign on the cage says $50.00, which seems awfully cheap.
“Why so little,” she asks the pet store owner.
The owner looks at her seriously and says, “Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a brothel and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff”.
The woman thinks about this, but decides to buy the parrot anyway. She takes it home, puts the bird’s cage in her living room and waits for it to say something.
The parrot looks around the room, then at her, and says, “New house, new madam” .
The woman is a bit shocked at the implication, but then finds it kind of amusing.
When her two teenage daughters return from school, the parrot says, “New house, new madam, new whores”.
The girls and the woman are a bit offended but then begin to laugh about the situation considering how and where the parrot had been raised.
Moments later, the woman’s husband comes home from work.The bird looks at him and says, “Hi, Carl!”
