A kid goes up to his father and asks, ‘Are you really my daddy?’ Dad says, ‘Yes, of course I’m your daddy!’ The kid says, ‘Are sure? Really, really sure?’ The father replies, ‘Yes, son. I’m really, really sure.’
The kid sticks his index finger straight out and repeatedly pokes his dad in the forehead with it, then throws his milk in his face. The kid says, ‘How do you like it?’
Aaron Judge has been invited to participate in the Times Square New Years Eve celebration this year. He’ll be in charge of the ball drop.
Ouch! That’s gonna leave a mark.
Because that’s when the polls close.
[Remember, remember, the Fifth of November…]
They’re orange on the outside, hollow on the inside and should be tossed out in early November.
…over their shoulder.
They are expecting a wurst käse scenario.
Find out next time on DRAGONBALL Z!
Today adage:
“Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day.”
“Give a man a poisoned fish and you feed him for a lifetime.”
Build a man a fire and he’s warm for an evening.
Set a man on fire and he’s warm for the rest of his life
Putin can win a rigged election.
Change? That’s socialism!
None. They only talk about change.
It still has potential.
Doper meme.
There is a fine line between a numerator and a denominator.
Only a fraction of people will find this funny.
Is Sisyphus time you tried writing the joke, or do you keep trying and failing?
I laughed and laughed!
What is Harry Potter’s favorite way of going down a hill?
I dunno.
Running. JK, rolling.
But it was unfair, there were absent tea ballots.
They decide to put three professors in charge of the safety process to make sure that no one is in the building during demolition. A physicist, a biologist, and a mathematician. The three professors discuss, and decide that they best way is to simply count everyone going in, then count everyone coming out, and when the building is open, start the countdown.
The day comes, the crew goes in, sets up the charges, and comes out. The professors start the count-down “Ten! Nine! Eight!” When they hear “Wait! Wait! Wait!” And another crew member comes running frantically out of the building. The professors pause.
“We must have miscounted.” Says the physicist with horror.
“They must have multiplied.” Says the biologist with a shrug.
“All right!” Shouts the mathematician turning to the crew. “Now we need one of you to run into the building and then it will be empty!”
One’s a coin laundry and the other’s a loin quandary.
Carrion, my wayward son.
An anaesthesiologist walks into the room and asks, “Are you paying for this privately or via the public health insurance?”
The guy says, “Public health insurance.”
“Okay,” says the anesthesiologist and begins to sing: “Twinkle, twinkle little star…”
There’ll be a piece when you are done…
Raccoons will get all that’s left…
Why does the raccoon cross the (splat!)
I know I did my part right, but I am worried the rest of you screwed it up.
Because that’s the one place where the winner has the lowest score.
I don’t know what I’ll do in the mean time.
Every Count Votes.
Let “Bye, Dons” be “Bye, Dons”!
I expect they say that on Barrayar, too.
Remember, remember
The fifth of November
Trump’s MAGA treasonous plot
I know of no reason
Why Trump’s MAGA treason
Should ever be forgot
A lower decker pecker checker.
It really makes my day.
He meets a cardiologist, and says “What’s up, Doc?”
He meets a dentist, and says “What’s up, Doc?”
He meets a chiropractor, and says “What’s up?”
The second says “No. Thursdy.”.
The third says “Me too. Let’s go for a pint.”.
Trump told him to.