What do you call a fake noodle?
An im-pasta.
Why couldn’t the pasta get into his house?
He had gnocchi.
Why did the pasta call his friend?
He was feeling cannelloni.
What kind of pasta can make your wished come true?
Fettu-genie.
Why did the pasta and the pasta water break up?
Their relationship was strained.
I spent my entire life’s savings on pasta.
It was worth every penne.
I don’t get this one, can somebody explain it for me please?
Those pasta jokes were mostly good, but there were a fusilli ones.
I’ve stolen this.
It’s absurdities all the way down to the ground.
When Thor throws his hammer, he is serving justice.
When I throw my hammer, I have “anger management problems.”
To be fair, the only reason “Avengers Endgame” broke all those box office records is because Dr. Strange watched it 14,000,605 times.
Me: “Stop hitting yourself big brother, haha. Why do you keep hitting yourself in the face with your hand?”
Sister-in-law: ~crying~ “Is this why you wanted an open casket?”
Amazing coincidence: I am just now grading my students’ assignment - instructions below. I literally had one monitor with their submissions, and the other with this Dope thread. (No more serious posts, I promise. It was just too coincidental to let this pass without comment!).
Canvas discussion on nuclear weapons (Nov 18 through 22), worth 6% of your grade!
Before preparing your initial post, be sure to read/experience all six assigned parts of the New York Times collection “At the Brink.”
In class, every student opined that there was a greater risk of nuclear war during the Cold War (1945-1991), and less of a risk today. After doing the reading assignment, surely you now understand that the risk is at least as high now, if not higher.
Your discussion post (and reply posts) will be about ideas for how to convey this important fact to other young people in the US (let’s say “13-to-30-year-olds”). You are, by nature and experience, already an expert on technologies, techniques, and trends in how 21st-century people create and consume information and opinions.
INITIAL POST: Before 11:59 PM on Wednesday, November 20, offer a some rather detailed ideas about how we might go about this. You might focus on how social media influencers operate – YouTubers, Instagrammers… Or, you might consider more established commercial platforms: talk radio, cable networks, newspapers and magazines, even perhaps music. What should be the content and form? What points should be emphasized? (You MUST refer specifically and substantially to content in at least TWO of the six New York Times items.) How might these efforts connect with the everyday lives, concerns, and interests of young Americans? Feel free to name specific people or platforms as examples, say, if that helps to flesh out your ideas. Offer some detail about what the content would include. Mention something about the intended audience, and how the content provider would “hook” them into being interested. The post should be about equivalent to a little more than a page of double-spaced text – in other words, about three or four complete paragraphs. Cite the required reading by titles (e.g., “In the segment ‘How China’s Nuclear Ambitions Have Changed the World,’ the authors wrote…”).
The program would design the folds to make a paper airplane. The programmers put in the option to add a radio to the paper airplane plans just so they could say that you can’t add a radio to a paper airplane by making folds.
It was a gotcha.
“How many pixies does it take to screw in a light bulb?”
“Two, but they have to be really flexible.”
“Why are their no transvestites in space?”
“Because in space there’s zero drag.”
“I was attacked by a Thesaurus Rex! It was terrifying, frightening, and appalling! I was masticated, chewed and gnawed!”
So I’m just opening cupboards and eating whatever is in there.
YuleTide.
It all happened after one guy changed his password.
She hasn’t noticed yet. But I’m sure the thyme is cumin.
The barkeep asked why we carried weapons into his bar.
I said ‘Mimics.’
The party laughed.
The barkeep laughed.
The table laughed.
We killed the table. Good times.
A Holly Davidson.
because every time I talk to her she gets off on a tangent.
Irish people fail trigonometry because they can’t tan.
Everyone else fails trigonometry just cos.
To minimize casual tees.
What kind of sick person would do this to my Advent calendar?
Hint! You got any kids (grandkids) LOL
“My argument is shabby but impregnable, like Superman standing by the road with a “Will Work For Food” sign.”
“When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realized that The Lord doesn’t work that way, so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.”
“What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? A taxidermist only takes your skin.” - Mark Twain
“I believe in Spinoza’s God, who revealed himself in the harmony of all being, not in the God who concerns himself with the fate and actions of men” - Albert Einstein
“God does not play dice” - Albert Einstein
“God is subtle, not malicious” - Albert Einstein
“Stop telling God what to do!!!” - Niels Bohr to Albert Einstein
“As we all know, Christmas is that mystical time of year when the ghost of Jesus rises from the grave to feast on the flesh of the living! So we all sing Christmas Carols to lull him back to sleep.”
So, if you eat too much cake, that’s the sin of gluttony.
But if you’re having pie for dessert instead, you have nothing to worry about, because the sin of pi is zero.
It depends on where you left them.
A: Noah - he was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.
They’re both cauldron.
There’s gonna be some big choux to fill.
Then I realized she what she meant. I’ve put on weight.
Who was the first female financier in the Bible?
Pharaoh’s daughter. She took a prophet from a rush on the bank.
Who was the first accountant in the Bible?
Adam. He turned a leaf and made an entry.
My doctor told me, “don’t eat anything fatty.”
I said, “you mean like butter and red meat?”
He said, “No, fatty, don’t eat anything!”
Yowch! (But I LOLed)
It’s really disornamenting.
Mostly through Papal.
Their words — not mine…
No, it’s not. They’re just waiting their turn.
“What’s the first hut for?” - he asks.
“That’s my house,” - says the castaway.
“What’s the second hut for?”
“That’s my church.”
“And the third hut?”
“Oh, that?” sniffs the castaway. “That’s the church I used to go to.”