December 30 has officially been designated as New Year’s Adam.
It always comes before New Year’s Eve.
Not if Eve has something to say about it. 
It just goes to show you how vaccines get you in the end.
Jimmy Carter got the diphtheria vaccine in 1934 and died just 90 years later.
“Just so you know,” said the doctor, “your wife is having quadruplets.”
That was my fourwarning.
Why did cavemen invent spears?
For fast food.
“Young man,” said the judge, looking sternly at the defendant. “It’s alcohol and alcohol alone that’s responsible for your present sorry state!”
“I’m glad to hear you say that,” replied Murphy, with a sigh of relief. “Everybody else says it’s all my fault!”
There’s nothing worse than an insecure nuclear engineer.
They’re always fission for compliments.
Going into 2025, no one should say, “This is MY year.”
Be quiet. Stay together.
Don’t. Touch. Anything.
A drunk wakes up in jail on New Years Eve and asks the first police officer he sees, “Why am I here?” The cop replies, “For drinking.”
“Great!” slurs the man. “When do we start?”
I always visit my local tire shop on New Year’s.
Because then I will know it will be a goodyear.
How many people does it take to have a New Year’s party?
Two and a fifth.
Every New Year’s Eve, I look forward to a good show at Time’s Square
…and year after year, they drop the ball.
Hey! Leave the Yankees out of this!
The Roman empire was so vast that 1/4th of the world’s population lived and died under the Caesars:
those were the salad days.
Who invented the first plug-in hybrid?
Viktor Frankenstein.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Abby.
Abby who?
Abby New Year!
I’ve decided to make a resolution to start procrastinating more.
Starting tomorrow.
My other resolution is to read more.
I’m putting on he subtitles on the TV.
That’s not what I was expecting, coming right after a Frankenstein joke.
Are you suggesting his joke was abnormal?
Did you hear NASA is launching a new mission to say sorry to the aliens?
Its called Apollo G.
My husband and I laugh about how competitive we are.
But I laugh more.
A cheese factory exploded in France.
Da brie was everywhere.
I heard it suffered extensive fromage!
By Jove, I think you’ve cracked the code of successful New Year’s resolutions!
In the book The Flying Sorcerers by David Gerrold, the protagonist is an astronaut from Earth.
He becomes stranded on an alien planet where his knowledge of science and technology allows him to create devices that seem magical to the inhabitants, who call him Purple.
At the end of the book he’s overthrown the evil governments, set the natives on the road to scientific inquiry and gets his spaceship fixed so he can return home. He asks the native whom he’s traveled with since the beginning why they call him Purple.
The native says that that’s what the ship’s computer told them, translating into their language. He said that the astronaut’s name was “like a shade of grayish purple”, hence Purple. The astronaut is stunned, and says “Only I would get stuck with a computer that puns!”
While never explicitly stated in the story, the scientist was, obviously, “as a mauve”. Today is Isaac Asimov’s birthday.
Why do robots eat Gyros?
to balance their diet.
A robot tried to rob a bank but was caught when its battery died.
Police have no plans…to charge the suspect.
The book ‘I, Robot’ is about sentient robots, but did you know it has a sequel about sentient submarines?
It’s called ‘U, boat’.
As is well known, in this thirtieth century of ours, space travel is fearfully dull and time-consuming. In search of diversion, many crew Members defy the quarantine restrictions and pick up pets from the various habitable worlds they explore.
[Story removed]
- Isaac Asimov
Very well. Here’s the link to that joke and 3 more: Isaac Asimov Jokes - 4 Hilarious Isaac Asimov Jokes
Today’s J.R. R. Tolkien’s birthday. He’s just 133 years old today.
A Little Known Fact About the Works of J.R.R Tolkien
For his Eleventy-first birthday, instead of fireworks, Bilbo initially asked Gandalf if he could bring the band that plays Dream Police to perform a concert at the party.
This enraged Gandalf however, as Bilbo Baggins took him for some conjurer of Cheap Trick.
A new fighting game based off of the works of Tolkien came out
It’s called Mordor Kombat.
A time traveler goes back in time to ancient Rome.
He realizes he needs clothes to blend in to he goes to the nearest shop and asks the owner, “Do you have XL togas?”
The owner relies “Yes, but why so many?”
I say, I say, how do you make a hotdog stand?
Take away its chair.
I’m losing an argument about my lack of workspace in the kitchen.
I have no counter.
A man walks into a bar.
He passes it, and walks out a lawyer.
There is a trend in psychotherapy called Anger Expression therapy where the patient is to express any anger immediately no matter how small or trivial.
Its all the rage.
My friend is an EMT, and she’s amazing on trivia night.
She’s usually the first responder.
I think I saw Michael J Fox in a garden center earlier today/
At least. I think it was him; he had his back to the fuchsias.
How many social media influencers does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but they’ll need to take a thousand selfies with it first.
How much does a cracker weigh?
One graham.
William Shakespeare came to get vaccinated.
Nurse: Which arm?
Shakespeare: As You Like It
Nurse: Was that painful?
Shakespeare: Much Ado About Nothing
Nurse: You will have to have a second jab.
Shakespeare: Measure For Measure
Nurse: So what do you think of the general awareness with regard to Covid?
Shakespeare: Comedy Of Errors
Nurse: I heard your wife Anne decided to get vaccinated in the company of her friends?
Shakespeare: The Merry Wives of Windsor
Nurse: Did you try convincing her?
Shakespeare: Love’s Labour Lost
Nurse: Wouldn’t she listen to you?
Shakespeare: A Midsummer Night’s Dream
Nurse: So what happened at the other vaccination centre?
Shakespeare: The Tempest
Nurse: But it worked out?
Shakespeare: The Taming Of The Shrew
Nurse: So it is okay then?
Shakespeare: All’s Well That Ends Well
Shakespeare: Will I have any adverse effects?
Nurse:. Wait until The Twelfth Night.
Female meteorologists are calling for 4-6 inches of snow in the Louisville area tonight.
Male meteorologists are saying 7-9.
Hagrid cremates Harry Potter and throws his ashes into a snowstorm
“You’re a blizzard, Harry.”
Why didn’t the snowman answer the trivia question?
He didn’t snow the answer.
In all seriousness, one of the first people to receive the covid vaccine was, in fact, William Shakespeare.
Man: “I’ve always had this absurd feeling that I’m a cartoon character”
Psychologist: “That’s a rather unusual state… How long have you felt this way?”
Man: “Ever since I was an outline…”
Why were the garishly dressed chickens escorted from the basketball game?
Because two flagrant fouls is an automatic ejection.
Christmas is reasonably absurd…
…at least according to Jean-Paul Santra.
Inside a hospice, a madman approaches the others with a blank paper, examining it with attention.
The other crazy people can not resist curiosity and ask:
_ What is it?
The crazy one with the letter, responds
_ A letter from my brother.
Even for the other crazy people, that was too absurd.
_But it’s just a blank piece of paper.
Oh, we don’t talk any more.
How many members of a cultural, religious or social outgroup does it take to accomplish a routine task?
A: An arbitrary number: One or more to actually perform the task, and the remainder to behave in an absurd fashion consistent with perceived humorous stereotypes.
Why did the stoplight turn red?
It was embarrassed to change in the street.