I have a whole Boudreau and Thibodeau joke book, acquired somewhere during my ramblings in rural Louisiana. Most of them aren’t very funny, unfortunately.
Inspired by the streaking thread:
Q. What did the elephant say to the naked man?
A. “How do you breathe through that thing?”
Did you hear about the streaker in church? They caught him by the organ.
What happens when you peel onions on a bridge?
You make the Bridge on the River Kwai.
I heard this one back in the 80s about Tom Osborne, from a guy who was a frustrated Nebraska Cornhusker fan.
Two brothers bought a cattle ranch together. They asked their mother to suggest a name to call it. The name that their mom came up with? “Focus.” Why “Focus?” the brothers asked. “Because that’s where the sons raise meat.”
Did you hear they’re moving [underperforming sports team name] to the Philippines? They’re renaming them the Manila Folders.
But there was a dive in yearling prices and they changed it to a dude ranch/finishing school. Their current business is raisin sultannas
All countries will get the corona virus eventually…
China just got it right off the bat…
Quarantine has really put a damper on comedy.
For months nobody has walked into a bar.
I’ve just quit my job a helium factory.
I won’t be spoken to in that tone…
OJ couldn’t have stabbed his wife because the Bills always choke.
Needs to be seen.
IIRC, it’s just P-51s in formation.
While the routine existed before, I think it was made popular in Affectionately Yours (1941) with Butterfly McQueen and Hattie McDaniel. It would have been known during WWII when the cartoon takes place.
Butterfly: Who dat?
Cynthia: Who dat say who dat?
Butterfly: Who dat say who dat when I say who dat?
I heard that ABBA and Elvis Costello will be touring together. It’s the ABBA and Costello Tour. I wonder who’s on first?
Now that Taliban is in charge in Afghanistan.
The new LGBTQ pronouns are: Was/Were
As I left the store, I noticed the Traffic Warden writing a ticket…
“Oi,” I said, “you can’t do that!” “Yes, I can. Its my job,” He replied, as he tore the ticket off and placed it on the windshield.
“Oh, fuck you,” I said. The warden raised an eyebrow and then wrote another ticket and slapped it on top of the other one.
“What’s that one for?” “Swearing at me.” “You absolute twat.” Another ticket. “Pin dick!” Another. “Fucker!” Another.
My wife came out of the store and stood beside me. “What’s going on?” She asked.
“This prick keeps writing tickets because I’m swearing at him.”
“What an utter bastard,” she said. With a wicked grin, the traffic warden began to write another two.
“Oh, look,” said my wife, grabbing my arm and pulling me away. “Our bus is here.”
If you’ve ever fretted about the eventual heat death of the universe, don’t worry…
Everything’s gonna be 0 K
Good one!
I LOLed!
I too listened to Doctor Demento.
My lame contributions:
How many women on PMS does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Six.
Six? Why?
Hey, it just does, OK? You got a problem with that? (my stepdaughter told me that one)
Back in the old west, a mangy flea-bitten cur limps into the tavern. He growls “I’m a lookin’ fer the man who shot my paw!”
Two buddies are up late smoking a little weed.
The first guy says “what time is it” to which the second guy says “I’m not sure, here give me that trombone.”
The first guy asks “how the hell can you tell the time with a trombone?!”
“It’s magic” replies his friend and as he says that he lets out a long, low belt on the trombone. He stops and waits, seemingly expecting something.
Suddenly a loud voice calls out from the room above.
“Who the fuck is playing the trombone at 3 am!?”
It’s Star Trek Day!
How many Betazoids does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two… one to change it & one to say, “Captain, I sense darkness.”
What is the least popular show on Bajor?
Keeping up with the Cardassians!
A Storm Trooper and a Red Shirt get into a fight –
the Storm Trooper misses every shot, but the red shirt dies anyway
Jesus goes into a biker bar
and sees 3 men drinking at noon. One with a hunch back, one with a bum knee, and an old redneck.
Jesus walks over to the hunch back, puts his hand on the man’s back, which immediately straightens. Hunch back says, thank you Jesus. I’m healed!
Jesus walks over to the man with the bum knee, puts his hand on his knee, which immediately bends like it is supposed to. Bum knee guy says, thank you Jesus. I’m healed!
Jesus approaches the redneck who jumps off the barstool, fists up, ready to fight, screaming “Christ, no, don’t you touch me…I’m on disability!”
Does anyone have a cure for sex addiction?
I’ve tried fucking everything.
A police officer called the station on his radio.
“I have an interesting situation here. An old lady shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped."
“Have you arrested the woman?”
“No, the floor’s still wet.”