A couple of oldies but goodies:
Q. What do you get if you cross an elephant with a rhino?
A. Elifino.
Q. What do you do with an elephant with three balls on him?
A. Walk him and pitch to the rhino.
If a woman is given a choice
between saving her infant child and catching a fly ball, she will choose the infant child every time, without even considering if there’s a man on third. - Dave Barry.
He had an apartment in front, and she had a flat behind.
Why did the anime girl eat too much?
Because her eyes were bigger than her stomach.
What color can unlock a car?
Khaki
Why was sin lying on top of cos at the beach?
They were tanning.
groan
Hey, wait a sec!
It’s a math thing, isn’t it?
The cos should have been on top of the sin, then they would have made a cot.
{Yeah, it was a math joke.}
There was a murder in town recently
But the detectives found the murder weapon in only 5 minutes…
…It was a brief-case
What does the “B” in Benoit B. Mandelbrot stand for?
It stands for “Benoit B. Mandelbrot”
A man in rural Arkansas is brought before a judge for his prelimnary hearing.
“What is the charge, counsel?” The judge asks.
“Bigotry, your honor,” the prosecutor replies. “This man has three wives.”
“You idiot,” the judge says. “That ain’t bigotry, it’s trigonometry.”
What’s an anagram of “Banach-Tarski”?
Banach-Tarski Banach-Tarski
In all tongue-in-cheek seriousness GNU stands for “GNU’s not Unix”
They were tanning
Were they in a cot?
I see Larry and BobLimDem have another Trig up their sleeves.
Q. What did the baby chick say when his mother laid an orange?
A. “Look at the orange Mama laid! Look at the orange Mama laid!”
No, that’s 1 lying on top of cos.
These puns are a sin
A young comedian is making the rounds of comedy clubs. After the show one night the more experienced comedians are sitting around a large table drinking. One yells out “21!” Which gets a pretty good laugh from the other comedians. Another yells out “35!” which gets a polite chuckle. Then a third comedian yells “47!” which gets huge, non-stop laughter from all the other comedians.
After the laughter finally dies down, the young comedian asks an older comedian who kind of mentors him what the deal is with the numbers and the laughing.
“Well see, these guys have been telling each other the same jokes for years. Someone finally got the idea to just assign numbers to the jokes to save time”.
So a couple weeks later the young comedian has a pretty good set and the more experienced comedians invite him to the big boys’ table to hang out and tell jokes. One yells “19!” and gets a good laugh. Another yells “82!” which gets a chuckle.
Seeing his opening, the youngster yells out “47!” aaaaand…nothing. Not a single laugh. Crickets.
Embarrassed, he asks his comedy mentor why #47 failed, since it killed the last time.
“Kid…it’s all in the delivery.”
of the apocalypse?
The way I heard the joke:
A third comedian yells “92” and gets a good laugh. But one of the audience is just pissing himself with laughter. The young comedian says to the older, “What’s with him?”. The older comedian replies, “I guess he’s never heard that one before.”
Heh, that’s a good alternate take.