I went trick or treating as Gandhi and kept all of my candy in a hat
And when someone tried to take the candy from my hat i told them “My hat my candy”.
A small boy dressed as a pirate knocked on my door last night.
I opened the door and he waved his sword & said “Trick or Treat”
I said " Oh look a pirate, but where are your buccaneers ? "
He took the chocolate bar & replied " Under my buckin hat."
Why doesn’t Ed Sheeran have a girlfriend?
Because Sheeran away.
A man was at the fair when he heard a carnie shouting “Step right up and spin the Wheel of Nostradamus and win a prize!” Intrigued, the man approached and asked how much for one spin.
“Only five dollars per spin, sir.”
Outraged, the man asked why it was so expensive. The carnie replied:
Also, with a streak of yellow. And sickening in any dose.
This reminded me of an IRL exchange I had years ago. I worked with a woman who had an obnoxious, abrasive personality. We were in an open office area with her, another employee, and our manager. The manager was out of the office one day, so when the manager’s phone rang the obnoxious woman answered it. I wasn’t listening to what she was saying, but her tone was very rude. To a customer.
She slammed down the phone and angrily said “I hate repeating myself!”
I was in a meeting once where the leader said “We need to question everything” and I said “Why would we question everything?” and the leader started giving reasons…
