You should read it in the original English: Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone.
I was actually given copies of it in Latin and in Ancient Greek for Christmas.
I want to believe the incantations are fake English.
Baby Yoda’s first word came after his second word.
When I read it the first time, when I got to about halfway through where they finally say what the “Sorcerer’s Stone” was, I literally exclaimed out loud “Why didn’t they just call it the Philosopher’s Stone in the first place!?”.
The American publisher decided to change the name for the American edition. J. K. Rowling was so happy about the huge amount that they were offering here for the right to publish it that she didn’t want to tell them to keep the name the same as the British edition. There was really no good reason to change the name.
Exactly. Anyone who was reading ‘wizards’ stories in the '70s knew about alchemy and the ‘Philosopher’s Stone’. Rowling chose the title (and the object) specifically. Louis Flamel (c. 1330-1418) was an actual person who many believed he had discovered the mythical stone. In my (American) opinion, changing the title cheapens the story. (Of course, this is the country where the ‘III’ was removed form the title of The Madness of King George III because Americans would think it was the second sequel. 
)
The American publishers didn’t do a poll among American readers to discover if fewer Americans knew about the philosopher’s stone in alchemy than British readers. It was just that somebody in the company that did the American publication of the Harry Potter books said to themself, “Golly gee, I never heard of this philosopher’s thingee, so let’s change the name.” Publisher’s decisions are sometimes that sloppy.
I just finished writing my book on penguins.
My publisher said it would’ve been better if I’d written it on paper.
My 6th grade teacher, Miss Parkman, told me I’d never make it as a writer and said to find a career that wasn’t so challenging. Well, 30 years later, after being turned down by almost every publisher on the planet, I’m thrilled to be able to announce that …
… I heard Miss Parkman died.
My publisher didn’t like my Erotica…
He said the plot was full of gaping holes.
Hagrid cremates Harry Potter’s body and throws his ashes into a snowstorm
“You’re a blizzard, Harry”.
Why couldn’t Harry Potter find Hermione?
He was looking at all the Ron places.
I just checked. “Wingardium leviosa” in the Latin book reads “wingardium leviosa”. So, no laughs there.
I stand corrected.
Winnie the Pooh had a cousin who went into the woods much more often- Winnie the Pee.
What do you get when you cross a honeypot with Winnie the Pooh?
An empty honey pot.
A guy finds an old lamp in the desert. He rubs it and a genie pops out. The genie tells the guy he has two wishes.
The guy says, “I always thought it was three wishes.”
The genie says, “Check your pants.”
The guy looks down and says, “Woah, it’s huge!”
And the genie says, “I’ve been doing this for a long time.”
I say, I say, what did the asteroid say when the interviewer asked him a question?
No comet.
I really enjoyed date night!
Tomorrow I think I’ll have figs.
A woman goes to see her gynecologist.
She says, “Whenever I sneeze I have an orgasm.”
“Hmmm,” says the doctor, “are you taking anything for that?”
“Yes. Pepper!”
Physiologically the two are actually quite similar: build up, climax, and mucus everywhere! 
So why do I get funny looks when I say “God bless you”?
mmm
Perhaps it would be more appropriate to say “God blessed you.”
A friend just sent me a bunch:
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Dad, are we pyromaniacs? Yes, we arson.
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What do you call a pig with laryngitis? Disgruntled.
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Writing my name in cursive is my signature move.
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Why do bees stay in their hives during winter? Swarm.
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If you’re bad at haggling, you’ll end up paying the price.
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Just so everyone’s clear, I’m going to put my glasses on.
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A commander walks into a bar and orders everyone around.
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I lost my job as a stage designer. I left without making a scene.
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Never buy flowers from a monk. Only you can prevent florist friars.
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How much did the pirate pay to get his ears pierced? A buccaneer.
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I once worked at a cheap pizza shop to get by. I kneaded the dough.
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My friends and I have named our band ‘Duvet’. It’s a cover band.
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I lost my girlfriend’s audiobook, and now I’ll never hear the end of it.
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Why is ‘dark’ spelled with a k and not c? Because you can’t see in the dark.
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Why is it unwise to share your secrets with a clock? Well, time will tell.
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When I told my contractor I didn’t want carpeted steps, they gave me a
blank stare. -
Bono and The Edge walk into a Dublin bar and the bartender says, “Oh no, not U2 again.”
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Prison is just one word to you, but for some people, it’s a whole sentence.
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Scientists got together to study the effects of alcohol on a person’s walk, and the result was staggering.
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I’m trying to organize a hide and seek tournament, but good players are really hard to find.
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I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallows, and nuts. I won’t lie; it was a rocky road.
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What do you say to comfort a friend who’s struggling with grammar? There, their, they’re.
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I went to the toy store and asked the assistant where the Schwarzenegger dolls are and he replied, “Aisle B, back.”
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What did the surgeon say to the patient who insisted on closing up their own incision? Suture self.
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I’ve started telling everyone about the benefits of eating dried grapes. It’s all about raisin awareness.
A small selection of my PUNch lines. Let me know if you want more.
- People who live in grass houses shouldn’t stow thrones.
- There’s no plates like chrome for the Hollandaise.
- Fair boot boy with teaks of Chan.
- The pie rates of Penn’s aunts.
- Let your pages do the walking through the yellow fingers.
- Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.
- Abcess makes the fart go Honda.
- It was the beast of Thames; it was the wurst of Thames.
- Transcend dental medication.
- Dill waters run steep.
Ah, Bennett Cerf.