I was fired for taking a day off.
The first one I don’t remember any more, but the second is that you should write everything down.
His alma matter.
They had a Tutankhamun.
…carrying an old rusted bucket by his side and demanded to know who was in charge.
“What can I help you with today, sir?” asked the confused curator.
“This here is an authentic piece of European history and once belonged to the King of England 1000 years ago.”
“But,” stuttered the curator, “this is a Star Wars museum.”
“You don’t understand. The king carried a load of grouse in it after successful hunts!”
The curator’s eyes grew wide and excitedly exclaimed, “Just what we’ve been looking for. A milennium fowl can!”
Prof.Pepperwinkle:
They had a Tutankhamun.
We all remember King Rootin Tootin from the Three Stooges film, We Want Our Mummy (1939). But for many, many years I’ve had in mind a couple of other Pharaoh names. Which one of these to you think is funnier?
King Ottenotta
King Ottnotten
John Travolta is in the hospital. He’s got chills that are multiplyin’!
What a weird day yesterday. First I find a hat full of money…
…and then some really angry dude with a guitar started chasing me!!!
Before Mount Everest was discovered, what was the highest mountain in the world?
Mount Everest
When I was younger, I felt like a man trapped in a woman’s body.
Then I was born.
I had to start work yesterday at 9am but was an hour late. My boss told me I had to make up the time…
…so I told him it was 9am
Today a man knocked on our door and asked for a small donation toward the community swimming pool.
I gave him a glass of water.
dtilque
January 18, 2026, 3:04am
7178
I hope this isn’t too political for this thread
pjd
January 18, 2026, 11:14am
7179
I like the comment in that thread ..
The box of animal crackers said “Do not eat if the seal is broken.”
I opened it up, and sure enough . . .
She starts rubbing it and a Genie comes out as usual. The woman looks at the Genie and asks him to grant her the following wishes:
I want my husband to have eyes only for me
I want to be the only one in his life
I want that when he gets up in the morning I’m the first thing he grabs and takes me everywhere he goes.”
The Genie then turned the lady into an IPhone 14
Pinocchio: Yep.
Because 6 out of 7 of them aren’t Happy.
He neverlands.
And sharks get a whole week.
It’s probably because they are great whites.
solost
January 19, 2026, 3:57pm
7182
An iPhone 14? He’s going to be trading her in for a new model any day now!
Husband, on the phone: “Hey honey, there was just a news report on TV. They said some maniac is driving down the wrong side of the expressway, and it’s the route you travel. Just wanted to give you a heads up.”
Wife: “Not just one maniac, there are hundreds! ”
It’s a controlled Bern.
The Star Wars fan finally said, “Look, Darth Vader conquered a galaxy. Voldemort couldn’t even take over a school.”
Then I remembered that vampires are killed by holy water.
They bless the rains down in Africa.
Just 'cause.
I keep getting cold feet!
Sprinkle tiny pieces of Alka Seltzer in your baby’s hair before they get baptized.
It’s a fun time for everyone.
