My balloon elephant didn’t quite fit in my car, so I popped the trunk.
A farmer has six pigs. He wants some piglets, but his guys are all males. He strikes a deal with another farmer who has several sows.
The next morning, the farmer loads his six pigs into the back of his pickup and drives them to the other farm, where he leaves them all day to frolic with the females. That night, he drives to get them and brings them home.
Early the next morning, the farmer instructs his wife to look out the window to see what the pigs are doing. The wife reports that they are laying in the mud, which indicates that fertilization has not occurred.
So the farmer repeats the process, taking the pigs to the other farm, dropping them off, picking them up that night. The next morning the wife reports that they are again lying in the mud.
The next day, same thing. And then, the following morning, the husband asks where the pigs are.
The wife, peering out the window, replies “five are in the back of the truck, the other one is up front honking the horn.”
I thought my new girlfriend might be The One…
But after going through her drawer and finding a nurse’s outfit, a French maid’s outfit, and a police officer’s uniform with handcuffs, I decided that if she can’t hold down a job, she’s not for me.
I think the joke got broken somewhere along the line… How would the behavior of the males indicate whether fertilization has occurred?
Yes, the joke has the farmer, misunderstanding artificial insemination, and sows. Easy to find.
mmm
…
Extra Swinesory Pigception?
Once, long ago there was an Indian tribe with a princess, Rising Moon. There were two braves who loved her, Running Bear and Falling Rocks. For over a year she dithered about which she preferred and as you can imagine things were getting pretty intense between the two rivals.
Finally, her father’d had enough. “Since she cannot make up her mind,” he said, “I shall decide for her: The brave who can provide for her best shall have her hand. You, Running Bear go that way and you, Falling Rocks, go that way. Tonight is the full moon. Whoever returns by the next full moon with the most meat and hides shall marry my Rising Moon.”
Off they went and for a month the whole tribe waited to see who would be the winner. Two days early Running Bear returned and his pack pony had an enormous bundle of pemmican, jerky, furs and hides on its back. “You almost surely will be the winner,” the chief said, “But we must wait until Falling Rocks returns.”
The two days went by and Falling Rocks did not appear. They waited another two just to be sure and still no Falling Rocks. Running Bear was declared the winner, they wed, and had a reasonably happy life together. But what of Falling Rocks?
Scouts were sent out, not only in the direction he had gone but every point on the compass. Months went by, then years of searching but no trace of the missing brave was found. Disheartened the tribe gave up its active search but they never gave up hope. To this day throughout the west you will see signs they have erected by the side of the road:
WATCH OUT FOR FALLING ROCKS
The one I heard had Fallen Rocks as a mighty warrior whose band harried the invading forces mercilessly year upon year, always evading capture. Signs were put up all over the country to warn people of his presence.
Then there’s the peripatetic Fugawi tribe…
That Amish dude who was just convicted of murder is gonna get the acoustic chair.
But they were a proud people, always chanting “we’re the Fukawi”! (Alternate spelling.)
It was ‘Burns Night’ a couple of days ago, and the local Chinese community had their own special version of the celebration, and I was invited.
I initially didn’t want to go, but they twisted my arm.
Are you in Australia? In the States, they would be Native Americans.
How many dull people does it take to change a light bulb?
One. (Best delivered completely deadpan)
I’ve used that one with “Vulcans”.
Meanwhile, the answer to “How many Klingons does it take to change a light bulb?” is
Resulting in Extra-Swinery-Conception.
Ha, I’ve used that one myself. Another Trek oldie:
How many Romulans does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to change the light bulb, the other to kill him and take the credit.
What do you call a large group of male lions who get along with one another?
Gay pride.
How many Betazoids does it take to change a light bulb?
First, you have to be emotionally ready to change.
How many Borg does it take to change a light bulb?
Seven of nine.
I have a standing date with Sean Connery to play some type of racket sport weekly. It was his turn to choose the sport, so I called him up.
“Hey, Sean, what time are we meeting tomorrow, and what are we playing?”
“Ten-ish”