A psychologist hires a bunch of lawyers to experiment on. A colleague asks him if it wouldn’t be cheaper to use rats. “Well of course it would, but there some things you can’t even get rats to do.”
Some people are traveling in a gondola under a hot air balloon and are blown off course by a heavy wind. They come into a valley and see a bunch of picnickers so they drift down and ask, “Where are we?” The answer comes back, “In a balloon.” The picnickers shout back, “How did you know?” The ballooners reply, “Your answer was absolutely correct–and totally useless.”
a nun was asking her class which part of the body goes to heaven first:
Amy: the head, cause it’s upraised
good!
Ken: the hands , cause they’re raised
good!
Billy: the feet
Nun: why the feet?
Billy: well, the other day I saw my mother with her feet up in the air screaming “God I’m coming” and if the milkman hadn’t been holding her down, we would have lost her
A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, “Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.”
The woman below replied, “You’re in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You’re between 59 and 60 degrees north latitude and between 107 and 108 degrees west longitude.”
“You must be an engineer,” said the balloonist.
“I am,” replied the woman, “How did you know?”
“Well,” answered the balloonist, “everything you told me is technically correct, but I’ve no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I’m still lost. Frankly, you’ve not been much help at all. If anything, you’ve delayed my trip.”
The woman below responded, “You must be in Management.”
“I am,” replied the balloonist, “but how did you know?”
“Well,” said the woman, “you don’t know where you are or where you’re going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you’ve no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it’s my fault.”
