I don’t get it.
And I never will, amirite? (rimshot)
Mom: There were two pieces of pie in the refrigerator this morning and now there’s only one. Can you explain that?
Child: The light was out so I missed the other one.
A reporter asked Michael Jordan how his NBA championship Bulls from the 1990s would do against the current Los Angles Lakers led by Lebron James and Luca Doncic.
Jordan: We’d win.
Reporter: Wow! By how much?
Jordan: 2 or 3 points.
Reporter: Really? That close?
Jordan: Most of us are almost 60 years old now.
A grandfather and grandson are taking a walk around the yard after a rainstorm.
Seeing worms all over the sidewalk the grandfather decided to play a little prank on his grandson. “Billy,” he says “I’ll give you ten dollars if you can take one of those worms and put it back in it’s hole.”
Thinking this to be impossible, he watched as Billy played around with a worm for a minute. Suddenly Billy drops the worm and says “I’ll be right back” and runs into the house.
Billy comes back with a can of hairspray, grabs one of the worms and sprays it down until it’s stiff enough to slip right into it’s hole.
“Well I’ll be damn.” Says the grandfather, handing over Billy’s money. “You know what son, I’ll be right back.” says the grandfather heading into the house.
About fifteen minutes later his grandfather comes out of the house and gives Billy ten dollars. “But you already gave me the ten dollars papa.” Says a confused Billy.
“That’s from your grandmother.”
An anteater walks into a bar.
The bartender asks if he can get him a drink.
The anteater responds “noooooo.”
This surprises the bartender as no one has ever declined a drink before.
He decides to ask the anteater if he’d like a basic drink, a rum and coke!
The anteater responded “nooooo” once again.
The bartender thinks to himself “hmmm, maybe this anteater doesn’t like alcohol,” so he offers the anteater a water.
The anteater responds “noooo.”
The bartender is very curious with the anteater’s answers and asks the anteater “Why the long no’s?”
Are you made from Na, selenium and xenon?
Because you are sodium SeXe.
What’s the difference between new and old hamburger meat?
One is ground beef and the other is browned grief.
What does a diplomat and a good doggy have in common?
They both want treaties.