Christians go to church and have to pay tithes,
But Atheism is a non prophet organization.
I say, I say, did you hear the one about the cannibal…
…who passed his brother in the woods?
My wife kicked me out of the house for measuring my penis.
For the record, it just reaches the back of her sister’s throat.
Why is a hurricane like an ex-wife?
They both start of wet and exciting, but in the end they take your house.
I have a great fear of baths.
In order to get through one I have to put on my playlist. By the time I’m four songs through I’m ready. As you all know…
Four tunes favor the bathe.
Most analgesics are taken by mouth.
They should be called oralgesics.
He threw up his hands in disgust.
He threw up his hands in disgust.
The cannibal coach got fired.
He couldn’t decide between the raw rookie or the seasoned veteran.
But was he hickory-smoked and wood-fired?
Why do bullfrogs love terrible comedians?
crickets
I brought a classical musician back from the past to prove that my time-machine works, but I can’t find him.
He must be Haydn.
What do you call a president who attacks windmills?
Donald Quixote
My town’s population never changes:
Every time a girl gets pregnant, a guy leaves town.
What do you call a solar-powered keyboard?
A photosynthesizer
My friend said she was only taking Women’s Studies courses this quarter
It sounds like a broad curriculum to me.
So did you move on to the next one on your Liszt?
solost
7739
So, she’s studying abroad?
Classical musicians all love the smell of fresh oven-baked bread, so they can be drawn out of hiding by using a Beethoven.
Why is Juneteenth (June 19th) the best day to have the Neighborhood BarBQ?
Because everyone is free that day!
I’m sticking with my citrus diet until June
Kumquat May.
Why do truck drivers love the 1st day of June?
Only four more sleeps 'til Christmas.
What does the blacksmith say to the apprentice after graduation?
May the Forge be with you!
My Graduation Speech -
“I want to thank Google, Wikipedia, and whoever the hell invented copy and paste. Thank you.”
solost
7742
Heh, this joke is an anachronism in two directions:
First, when most of us Dopers graduated, Google, Wikipedia, and ‘copy and paste’ did not exist.
Second, nowadays the punchline would be more like “I want to thank ChatGPT, Claude, and whoever the hell invented Midjourney.”
Copy & paste was invented in 1974, I don’t think we’re that old. Certainly I used it extensively in college on a Unix/X-Windows system in the 80s.
I doubt that “most” of us are.
solost
7746
I stand auto-corrected. Now, stop your GREPing 
Sorry, you’re right, that was AWKward.
When a woman says, " Correct me if I’m wrong."
That is not a real invitation. For your own safety, do not - under any circumstances - actually do it.
I have so many questions…why…what do they drive?..can they read?..
And, is an elephant prone to staying in someone else’s car?!
