Spore form, I agree.
I don’t think that take is very good, but I’m too polite to say exactly what I think of it.
You not lichen it?
I think purplehorseshoe is a fungal. Mycologies if I’m incorrect.
Another mushroom pun.
Siiiii-EYE-EYE-EYE-iiiiiggghhh.
If that sigh seems silly, I am sorry. I got it out of my silly sigh bin.
Hold up, amanita minute to process that joke.
THIS JOKE IS NOT ABOUT MUSHROOM STEMS.
A morning mushrooms meal is the breakfast of champignons.
I like how you’re having a fungo at puns for ‘mushroom’ in other languages.
eh, thread’s going to shii(.)take it out with bamboo shoots.
My sled dog team was tied too close together.
I don’t have enough mush room.
My buddy’s wife had identical twins, but he only carries a photo of one of them.
When you ask him why, he says, “eh, once you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Amal”.
Why must you never give a Rhinella Marina a blow job?
Because as everyone knows, toadstools are poisonous.
(friendly edit): I think “I don’t have mush room” is a better punchline.
Not to over-analyze, but I disagree.
“I don’t have mush room” puts the emphasis on “mush” replacing “much” in the punchline. That is not at all the intention of the joke.
“I don’t have enough mush room” keeps the word “mush” intact, and directs one’s attention to a frustrated musher maneuvering to mush in tight quarters.
mmm
Three people die in an accident and find themselves in line at Heaven’s Gate.
St. Peter says to the first one “Welcome! What did you do for a living?” The man replies “I was a pediatric surgeon. I saved hundreds of childrens’ lives”. St. Peter says “come on into Heaven!”
Then St. Peter asks the second man what he did for a living, and he said “I was a fireman. I rescued many, many people and their beloved pets from burning buildings”. So St. Peter says “welcome to Heaven!”
Then St. Peter asked the third guy what he did for a living. “I worked for an insurance company, finding people medical insurance tailored to what they could afford”. St. Peter says, “OK, you can come in, but only for 3 days. Then you can go to hell”.
Therapist: What do we do when someone says, “You don’t need any more fabric.”
Me: Stab them with scissors.
Therapist: SHOCKED LOOK
Me: Not the fabric scissors obviously.
Therapist: I’m done, We’re done!
First rule of the might club:
1. Never commit to plans.
Demon tries to inhabit my poorly aging body:
Demon, "Ouch!’
Me, “Yeah …”
Demon, “What the hell?”
Me, “I know…”
Demon, “Everything hurts, Why? And what’s that? Ouch, Son of a Bitch.”
Me, “idk man, you want a cup of coffee or something…”
Me, “Is this the alcoholics help line?”
“Yes, it is. We’re here for you!”
Me, “So, how do you make a Mojito?”
CYCLOPS, “How do you spell Hawaii?”
Wife (biting her lip), "Well…you need 2 'i’s.
CYCLOPS (puts pen down), “My life is just a joke to you isn’t it Linda.”
My parents are replacing their coffee machine, which is 7 years old.
Me, “That’s not that old. I have sheets older than that.”
Mom, “Well perhaps your sheets aren’t getting as much action as our coffee machine?”
I’m going to need an amvulance.
Letting my kids try sushi was one of the worst financial decisions of my life.
Them: How can you make jokes at a time like this?
Me: Sir, this dark sense of humor is a load-bearing structure!
I recently entered a contest to see who’d gained the most weight and lost the most hair.
Obviously, it wasn’t called that. It was advertised as a “School Reunion.”
My friend claimed he glued himself to his own autobiography.
I don’t believe him, but that’s his story, and he’s sticking to it.
I met a woman at a party and struck up a conversation with her. I was fascinated to learn that she was a PhD student who was working on her thesis. She explained that she was studying racial sexual stereotypes, and her work was showing that the groups with the largest penises were, contrary to popular belief, Native American and Jewish men.
“Look at me, carrying on about myself,” she said, “I don’t even know your name yet.”
“Soars With Eagles Rabinowitz,” I replied.