There once was a Doper named solost
Who posted on Straight Dope at no cost.
He avoided contention
That would warrant suspension
Or to put it in other words, ‘faux paused’.
Wow. Tough crowd.
It wasn’t even a joke, it was a comment on a couple of jokes in the OP.
Looked totally innocent. I have asked about it in ATMB.
It was an AI.
Indian Summer must be here. Weatherman said to watch for a patchy fog.
They told me to choose a major I liked and I’ll never work a day in my life. They were right, no one is hiring in my field of study.
“Do what you love and the money will follow.”
Ate pizza, drank wine, took a five hour nap in my underwear, and took selfies with my dog.
Now I wait.
“Is your dog adopted?”
“Yes, I tried for a long time but was unable to conceive a dog on my own.”
Happy Birthday Prof’ !
I got my wife a refrigerator for her birthday.
I can’t wait to see her face light up when she opens it.
My friend was going to prove the flat earthers wrong, but he never got around to it.
I’m still laughing at this one. I sent it to my (adult) kids and now they’re all mad at me, which makes it even funnier.
I’ve stolen this. 
“A walk in the woods helps me relax and release tension. The fact that I’m dragging a body should be entirely irrelevant.”
Not entirely irrelevant. If the dead body were walking on its own, that’d make things a lot more tense.