They find three parachutes.
Donald Trump grabs the first parachute and jumps out of the plane saying, “The world needs a great person like me!”
Joe Biden grabs a parachute and says, “I need to help make choices for our world”, so he jumps off the plane.
At this point, the Pope and the little boy are on the plane.
The Pope says to the boy, “take the last parachute, I am too old and I’m going to die soon one day.”
“Actually there are two left. Donald Trump took my backpack.”
absolutely loves to take part in Nativity plays. He’s played a shepherd, the inn keeper and one year, he even played the rear end of the donkey…
But he never made it as a wise man.
The satisfactory
Prof.Pepperwinkle:
Where are average things manufactured?
The satisfactory
What kinds of ogres are there?
Three: the good, the bad, and the medi-ogres.
Prof.Pepperwinkle:
Donald Trump grabs the first parachute and jumps out of the plane saying, “The world needs a great person like me!”
…
“Actually there are two left. Donald Trump took my backpack.”
The way I heard this joke (decades ago, with a different politician) was ‘[Politician] grabs the first parachute and says as he jumps out of the plane, “I’m the smartest man in the world! I have to live!”’ The punchline is, ‘The smartest man in the world just jumped with my backpack.’
Gyrate
December 1, 2021, 5:18pm
1055
Johnny_L.A:
The way I heard this joke (decades ago, with a different politician) was ‘[Politician] grabs the first parachute and says as he jumps out of the plane, “I’m the smartest man in the world! I have to live!”’ The punchline is, ‘The smartest man in the world just jumped with my backpack.’
Yes, political jokes get recycled every administration.
I remembered this one after making some ham and bean soup over the weekend.
Q. Why do the Irish only put 239 beans in their bean soup?
A. Because if you added one more it would be too farty!
He got 25 days.
The doctor asked, “Have you tried icing it?”
The Who
Good thing it changed, since “pound metoo” would’ve been sending the wrong message
One is a heated yam and the other is a yeeted ham
I asked what was so funny and he said “you wouldn’t get it, it’s an inside joke”
You’d have to be of a certain age to get this one:
Ten bees were flying together when they ran out of gas. Nine bees flew to an Esso station to get gas. One flew to an Arco station. What does this prove?
Nine out of ten bees are Esso bees.
Speaking of bees…
Why did the bee put on a yarmulke?
It didn’t want to be mistaken for a WASP.
pjd
December 3, 2021, 7:29pm
1061
There’s a similar UK running-out-of-petrol (gas) joke… i can’t remember it, but the punchline
I told this one at work today and it killed!
Two chickens are sitting in the barnyard.
One says, “Bawk! Bawk!”
I heard it with Nixon, Kissinger, a priest and a hippie. Kissinger has the “I;m the smartest man in the world, I have to live!” line. The elderly priest urges the young hippie to take the remaining chute, and the hippie has the “That’s OK, father…” line.
Water. Butane is a lighter fluid.
They’re afraid of the vacuum.
Because north, south, east and west are Cardinal directions.
hogarth
December 4, 2021, 3:20am
1065
How do you keep a turkey in suspense?
Spoilers
Back in my Montana days we had a similar joke printed on a card. The front side of the card said “How do you keep a North Dakotan busy? (over)” and the back side of the card said “How do you keep a North Dakotan busy? (over)”.
I got a million North Dakotan jokes. Y’all remember my “ice fishing” joke, right?
How do you know which side is the front and which side is the back?
All I want for Christmas is a fat bank account and a slim body. Please do not mix it up like last year.
… I refuse to be spoken to in that tone.
You make miso happy.
Then the tables started to turn
Funny because it’s true?
I was addicted to the hokey pokey but I turned it all around…
Tripler
December 4, 2021, 5:18pm
1071
Having lived in Minot for three years, I heard a bazillion “Ole and Lena” jokes. Uffdah, I forgot 'em all, though. Got a couple for my hip pocket?
Tripler
