that 80 percent of men claim they help cook Thanksgiving dinner. Which makes sense, when you hear they consider saying ‘that smells good’ to be helping.” — Jimmy Fallon
A young college man meets his blind date and is very pleased at how attractive she is, though she’s not very talkative. He takes her to a local carnival in town, they go on a few rides, eat a couple corn dogs and share a cotton candy, then he asked her what she wanted to do next.
“I want to get weighed” she says. So he takes her to the “Guess your Weight” booth, and the guy running it guesses wrong enough that she wins a prize. Then they go on a couple more rides, share an elephant ear, and he asks her what she wants to do next.
“I want to get weighed” she says again. He thinks it’s pretty strange, but he takes her back to the “Guess your Weight” booth, where the puzzled guy running it remembers her weight, so no prize.
After that the guy thinks she’s a little odd, so he just takes her back to her dorm room. Her roommate Laura asked her how her date went.
A mother tells her husband they need to take their daughter to a psychologist. ‘Why?’ asks the father. ‘She wants to lose all of her hair!’ mom replies. 'What makes you think that? ‘I overheard her on the phone saying she wants to be bald soon!’
Guy goes to the supermarket, and sets his purchases down on the conveyor belt for the cashier to scan. As she does so, she comments, “you must be single.”
“Wow,” he says. “You can tell that from me buying beer, a frozen pizza and some cat food?”
“No,” she answers. “It’s because you’re fucking ugly.”