If you find yourself rolling your eyes at the rah-rah “There is no I in Team” sorts of posters, this is the place for you:
And by the way, there is an I in TEAM:
If you find yourself rolling your eyes at the rah-rah “There is no I in Team” sorts of posters, this is the place for you:
And by the way, there is an I in TEAM:
My publisher said it would’ve been better if I’d written it on paper.
Because there was no Roomba at the inn.
Because they’re lo mein tenants.
I actually know someone named Bludman who married someone named Gutman (more accurately, I know the Gutman parents). People called them “Blood & Guts”.
Greg Allman and Cher were an item for a while … they released an album called “Allman and Woman”.
The girl with the little red shoes
She likes to party, she likes the booze
She lost her cherry, but that’s no sin
She still has the box the cherry came in
I sometimes remind people “The slopes of Mount Everest are covered with the corpses of highly motivated people”.
But wait – there’s myrrh!
Water.
Nothing – it was on the house.
I don’t know about the rest of you. But I love personal stories.
This really happened to me in Catholic grade school, around ages six-to-eight apparently.
I came home one day, clearly distraught. And my mother asked me what was wrong.
I told her they were telling me things in school that simply couldn’t be true. She asked me what. I told her they told us Jesus was Jewish and we speak English.
(We laughed about that one for years to come.)
What’s the joke here? Or did you mean to post in the “Stupid stuff I thought when I was a kid” thread instead?
Why is this funny and/or stupid?
(Never mind.)
Periodically
St. Rawberry
My next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster.
My neighbor is livid but his wife is still on the fence.
Please form an orderly orderly orderly orderly queue.
After a twenty second pause I asked, “You still there sweetheart?” She replied, “Yeah…”
“But I don’t think the coffee maker wants to talk right now.”
Rodney Dangerfield: “I was looking out for #1 and stepped in #2”.
My Uncle Chet (1923-2006), as I once said on another thread long ago, was a perpetual jokester.
Anyway, I think this is the first joke he told us (possibly):
*Some young boys who live on a farm, push an outhouse off a cliff, as a joke.
The father suspects it was them, but has no proof. So he gathers them together. 'I want to tell you all a story, ’ he tells them. ‘George Washington chopped down his father’s favorite cherry tree. And when his father asked him about it, he said, I cannot tell a lie. I chopped down your cherry tree. And his father immediately forgave him. And he went onto become the father of our country, and our first president.’
The boys looked around at each other, and smiled and confessed at once. And the father in response whipped the tar out of them all.
‘Now wait a minute,’ they later told their father. ‘You said George Washington was rewarded for being truthful about the cherry tree thing.’ ‘That’s different,’ their father replied, ‘When George Washington chopped down the cherry tree, his father wasn’t in it at the time taking a shət!’*
And this next one my uncle told us we all thought was hilarious at the time:
*So a couple is selling their house to another couple. They tidy everything up, but come across a piece of Limburger cheese they don’t know what to do with. So they stick it in a potted plant.
A few weeks later the new owners contact them. ‘Okay, we give up’ they tell them, ‘Where did you hide it?’*
As I said my family found it hysterical at the time.
Yes, you have.
I always thought he was a theoretical physicist.
It’s probably covid.
If it floats it’s boy ant.
The butcher was confused.
What do you do when a friend can’t pay their water bill? Send them a Get Well Soon card.
Where do know-it-alls get their water from?
A well, actually…
Why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet? He was looking for Pooh!
Last year I bought my wife a burial plot for Christmas. Last week she asked me what I got her for Christmas this year, to which I replied “Nothing, you didn’t use what I gave you last year!”
Our last fight was probably my fault. She came in the living room and asked me what was on the TV. I told her “Dust”.