Knock-knock?
Who’s there?
Interrupting duck.
Inter—
Quack!!!
Knock-knock?
Who’s there?
Banana.
Knock-knock?
Who’s there?
Banana.
Knock-knock?
Who’s there?
Banana.
Knock-knock?
Who’s there?
Banana.
Knock-knock?
Who’s there!
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you glad I didn’t say banana?
And for some reason my cousin found this one hilarious when we were kids:
Knock-knock?
Who’s there?
Dwayne.
Dwayne who?
Dwayne the tub I’m dwowning!
A girl would spin the bottle, and if the bottle pointed to you when it stopped, the girl could either kiss you or give you a nickel.
By the time I was 15, I owned my own house.
A guy walks into a bar on New Year’s Eve and orders a glass of champagne. “It’s finally happened!” he exclaims. “I’ve made enough money that I don’t have to work for the rest of the year!”
So I guess Ghislaine really did love Jeffrey.
What does a hedge fund manager do when he gets socks for Christmas?
He takes them to the Sock Exchange.
You don’t want to be carrying the same shit into a new year.
“Good” he said “Take these drinks to table four”…
A guy from Moscow says to his wife:
“They are overreacting, I’ll call my cousin who lives there, and he’ll tell me the truth”
He calls the guy and asks
“What’s the weather like where you are”
“It’s around -20C I would say”
“I knew the news were lying, they said it was -50C”
“Oh, well, it might be outside”
Why did the three southern Wise Men arrived covered in soot?
Because they came from afar.
I remember this from the Prairie Home Companion annual joke show. They specified “Georgia.”
The Queen and Keith Richards move on to the Finals.
Happy New Year!
Mice Krispies.
She says,
“Hi, handsome, what do you do for a living?”
The Russian replies,
“I work for KGB.”
“Cool, tell me an interesting story!”
“About me or about you?”
They read the reviews – just one star.
I have no words to describe how angry I am.
And I highly recommend:
A tourist visits the Red District in Amsterdam. He sees a lady waiting behind a glass and knock on it.
“How much?”
“400 €”
" it’s not cheap"
“Well, its double glazing”
For some reason, every bus tour I’ve ever taken, the bus driver has to tell this one:
Why do they call the bathroom (on the bus, whatever) the ‘international room’?
When you go there, you’re a Russian.
When you get there, European.
And when you leave, you’re Finnish.
No one ever seems to laugh though (I think the joke is getting stale 
).
I heard the same joke regarding a brothel on a one-way street.
When you’re there, you’re Himalayan.
You’re right. I glossed over it.
You don’t know how stale.
That was fun (and long!).
Here’s a sample:
“In the month’s most upbeat story, Richard Branson and Jeff Bezos pioneer a new era in billionaire leisure travel by going up in private suborbital spacecraft. The two flights are radically different: Branson’s takes off in New Mexico and returns to earth in New Mexico; whereas Bezos takes off in Texas and comes down in Texas.
Space enthusiasts say these missions will pave the way toward a future in which ordinary people with millions of spare dollars will be able to travel from one part of a state to a completely different part of that state while wearing matching outfits.”
Because 7 is a registered 6 offender.
went up by a million percent last year.
Because he’s only got little bitty legs.
Because 7 8 9.
I suspect your punchline is so well known, the new one is funnier because most people are expecting your cleaner version.
was so emotionally distraught by the Cats movie, he got a support dog.
A melancholony.
However, eating too much pie is okay because the sin of pi is always zero.
New York tourist “Cross-town buses run all night?”
New York resident: “Doo-dah, doo-dah.”