It’s not.
That’s three schools now. Maybe teaching isn’t for him.
and some of you may share her sentiment, she said ‘I don’t get porn. I’ve never got porn. Why would I wanna watch two people have sex?’ I said, ‘Two? People? You’ve lost me there…’"
Pun in, ten dead.
Because the cost of eating out has gone up so much.
Why is it spelled: camouflage
And not:
Yesterday I found a twenty dollar bill in a parking lot. And I asked myself ‘What would Jesus do?’ So I turned it into wine.
I think I’m getting old. Last night I got up in the middle of the night to stub my toe, and I accidentally slipped and used the bathroom. 
Apparently the super colour fragile lipstick makes the dicks atrocious
Policeman - please get out of the car.
Rich kid- you’ll regret this. Do you know who my father is?
Policeman - why? Your mother didn’t tell you?
The answer will shock you!
I entered a pun contest once.
There was this pun contest going on. I thought “People say I’m funny, I might as well try it and see how I do.” And there was no limit to how many entries you could submit. So I sent in ten puns, thinking that at least one of them might win. Unfortunately…
no pun in ten did.
I told her, it’s not that I HAVE to….
Achoos to.
Unrealistic stepmother depictions
Me: “Hey Siri, I feel like my like is a joke. What do I do?”
Siri: “Don’t say your life is a joke.”
Me: “Why?”
Siri: “Because jokes have meaning.”
In New York City
An older man slips on the icy sidewalk and is injured. A woman coming out of a clothing store pulled her new sweater out of her bag, and folded the sweater into a cushion for the man’s head. She said, ‘Are you comfortable?’ The man replies, ‘Eh, I make a living.’
A man steps into a busy street and is killed instantly when he’s hit by a car. A crowd gathers, and one man kneels to see if there’s anything he can do. It’s clear that the man who had been hit has permanently left the land of the living. An old man in the crowd yells, ‘Give him an enema!’ The samaritan says, ‘The man is dead!’ ‘So?’ says the old man, ‘Give him an enema!’ The samaritan says, ‘I said he’s dead!’ The old man says, ‘Give him an enema!’ The samaritan says rather crossly, ‘He’s dead! An enema isn’t going to help!’ The old man shrugs and says, ‘It couldn’t hurt!’
Do these (song sound bites) even qualify as jokes? Happy Fathers Day!
How do you make moccasins?
The last of the Mohicans.
ISWYDT. (Took a sec though.)
I don’t see it - a little help for the feeble-minded?
Think of a meaning of ‘last’ relating to footwear … it might better have been phrased as:
How do you make moccasins?
On the last of the Mohicans.
Ah, thanks!
So, he went bear hunting. He spotted a small brown bear and shot it. Then there was then a tap on his shoulder, and he turned round to see a big black bear.
The black bear said “You’ve got two choices. I either maul you to death or we have sex.”
Frank decided to bend over.
Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Frank soon recovered and vowed revenge. He headed out on another trip where he found the black bear and shot it. There was another tap on his shoulder. This time a huge grizzly bear stood right next to him.
The grizzly said “That was a huge mistake, Frank. You’ve got two choices. Either I maul you to death or we’ll have rough sex.”
Again, Frank thought it was better to comply. Although he survived, it would take several months before Frank finally recovered. Outraged he headed back to the woods, managed to track down the grizzly and shot it.
He felt sweet revenge, but then there was a tap on his shoulder. He turned round to find a giant polar bear standing there.
The polar bear said “Admit it, Frank, you don’t come here for the hunting, do you?”
A fire chief enters a burning building and sees one of his firemen having anal sex with the homeowner.
“What the hell are you doing?” he demands.
“This man is suffering from smoke inhalation.”
“So give him mouth-to-mouth!”
“How do you think this started?!”
I hear that the Rolling Stones are going to play Detroit.
The Stones are favored by two touchdowns.
Did Le Pétomane help kids with their homework?
I heard he was a tooter.
(You see Le Pétomane’s act consisted of farts. Some people might’ve missed that part. Also, ‘tooter’='tutor". I missed that last one at first too. .)
Why aren’t there more leper jokes here? You guy squeamish or something?
So a leper finally gets the courage to go to a singles bar. And he sits at the bar, when a gorgeous blonde appears at the end of the bar. Not a word is exchanged as she walks across the bar in a sultry manner. Then she sits next to him, as they gaze into each other’s eyes. Then she starts vomiting uncontrollably, and walks away.
Okay he thinks. That’s just the first girl. Then a buxom brunette appears across the bar. And the same thing happens! Then a redhead and so on.
Finally the leper turns to the man next to him and says, ‘Listen I know I’m a leper and all that and I look bad. But I don’t look that bad. Do I?’ ‘Oh, no, no it’s not that at all,’ the man replies. ‘It’s just there’s a drunk behind you dipping his chips into your back!’
(Now you know this joke can be told in the UK too. Only there ‘chips’ are what we’d call 'French Fries in the US. Just thought I’d point that out 
.)