A canola plant walked into a bar…
Oh wait, sorry, no rape jokes.
Well done.
It’s a little curious that an alarm sounds whenever there is a joke about rape, but jokes about Hansen’s disease (leprosy) are allowed to populate the thread and generate snickers. Both conditions create victims through no fault of their own; victims who are stigmatized by society. Admittedly, rape is more widespread than Hansen’s, and contains an element of violence that Hansen’s does not. That said, should we be choosing to be kind to some and not others?
It’s not too late. If we ban leprosy jokes now we can still save some face.
mmm
Hands down the thread winner.
A lady who is not the brightest star in the sky (ditsy blond in probably politically incorrect now) give birth to a daughter. When friends came to visit they asked what she named her daughter. She said the hospital named her already. “What are you talking about” they sked her, “the hospital doesn’t name your kids”. “Yes, they do” she said “her name is Famalee, says right her on the baby’s arm bracelet”. The bracelet said FEMALE.
A Mexican friend told me that, supposedly, a Mexican family with limited formal education named their son “Usmaíl,” after seeing letters and packages labeled “US Mail.” Might be an urban legend; and, actually, it’s quite a lovely sounding name, with the sort of Old Testament vibe many Mexican families dig.
Like Placenta and Chlamydia.
Candida
Is that what Tony Orlando was singing about? 
I heard about a Welsh man named Clive Owen Jones He travelled the World with a monogrammed suitcase. Everything was fine until he arrived in a Spanish speaking country. Customs officials were interested to hear exactly why he has COJONES written on his case.
What was the Welshman doing on the side of the road?
Having a leek.
Hmmm who hasn’t been offended yet?
Dsylictecs Untie!
How can you tell what clan a Scotsman belongs to? After first gaining his consent, stick your hands up his kilt. If you can feel a couple of Quarter Pounders he’s a McDonald.
TCMF-2L
Paddy moved to New York from a small town in Ireland, and to ease his homesickness he found a pub-style bar near his apartment. One Friday evening he sits down at the bar and orders 3 Guinness Stouts and 3 shots of Bushmill’s Irish Whiskey.
The bartender says “that’s a lot to order all at once. The Guinness will be fresher if I tap it for you as you need it”.
Paddy explains that before he and his two brothers all moved to different parts of the world, even though they couldn’t get together in person they vowed to still get together for a stout and a shot in spirit every Friday night.
The bartender said, that sounds like a nice tradition, and gets him the 3 stouts and 3 shots. Every Friday night for months thereafter, Paddy showed up, ordered 3 stouts and 3 shots, drank them and left.
Then one Friday night Paddy only orders 2 stouts and 2 shots. The bartender says, “I’m very sorry for your loss”. Paddy says, “come again?” The bartender says he assumed that one of Paddy’s brothers had passed on.
“No, nothing like that. I just quit drinking”.
I think we need a list of which groups are OK to tell jokes about, and which we can’t.
I got into a fight with 1,3,5,7 and 9.
The odds were against me.
You can’t spell advertisements without
semen between the tits.
Doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains. What should I do?
Pull yourself together.
Guy goes to a wizard and asks “Can you remove a curse that a priest has put on me?”
The wizard replies, “Maybe. Do you remember the exact words he used?”
“I sure do. He said ‘I now pronounce you man and wife’”.
Marriage isn’t a word - it’s a sentence.
No drape jokes!
('sok, I’ll see myself out)
Why did Luke Skywalker burn the pancake?
He wouldn’t turn to the da-
Sorry, no crêpe jokes.