Wow. This one goes in the “my poor family having to hear terrible puns” category.
Why do I hear that one about the bald man in a Yiddish accent?
"Inmate #2: yea, I didn’t wipe off the fingerprints from the murder weapon."
I’ve head another version:
Inmate 1: “I’ve been imprisoned because of my beliefs”
Inmate 2: “What are they?”
Inmate 1: “I believed I could get away with it”.
Love it!
There was an old man from Bagoda
Who wouldn’t pay his whore what he owed her.
So with great savoir faire
She stood on a chair
And pissed in his whiskey and soda.
Here’s some bathroom wall humor (anyone know any bathroom wall humor 
?). It relates to when they used to have pay toilets. Anyone remember those 
?
Here I sit broken-hearted.
Paid the dime but only farted.
Next time took the chance.
Saved the dime but shat my pants.
Here I sit all broken hearted
Tried to shit but only farted.
(Underneath that, in different handwriting)
Don’t complain, you had your chance
I tried to fart and shit my pants.
(Above the urinal)
What are you looking up here for? The joke’s in your hand.
I played this once at Dave and Buster’s.
Best sign I’ve ever seen above the urinal:
Stand closer. It’s shorter than you think.
‘…it’s shorter than you think…’
In a local bathroom in a bar (I’m not making this up):
That’s not what your wife says!
“We don’t smoke in your toilet. Please don’t throw your cigarette butts into our urinal.”
I’m guessing it was a woman who had to go in there and clean the place up after closing. I mean, it just has that feel, if you know what I mean.
I took it as “you’re not as well-endowed as you think.”
Beer Bottle: You break me, you get 1 year of bad luck!
Mirror: You kiddin’ me? You break me, then y’all get 7 years bad luck!
Condom: Hahaha… (Condom walks off laughing)
I was at the drug store
and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.
I asked, “Are you two an item?”
I was having dinner with Bobby Fischer
and there was a checkered tablecloth. It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
More from the restroom…
Sign on the men’s room wall: “We aim to please; your aim will help ~Mgmt.”
Banter between two men using the urinals:
“Water sure is cold.”
“Yeah but not very deep.”
Inside men’s room stall:
This is a tee pee to poop and pee pee
Not a wigwam to beat your tom tom
And a sign on the wall at my sister’s house, which has one restroom:
“The length of a minute depends a lot on which side of the door you find yourself.”
I saw something on TV when I was a kid.
Minnie Pearl: Did you hear about the Indian who built a fire under his toupée?
Mel Tillis: Toupée? You mean ‘teepee’.
Minnie Pearl: No, under his toupée. He wanted to keep his wig wa’m.
That’s too tense for me.
One of my favorites from the bathroom stall walls, spotted just on the Oklahoma side of the border with Texas on I-40, around 1994:
Here you sit with your ass flexin’
Givin’ birth to another damn Texan
The version I saw:
. We aim to please.
You aim too, please!
Welcome to our swimming ool. Notice there is no P in it. Please keep it that way.
A man joins an order of Monks.
The head Monk says to the man “This is a silent order. You will only be allowed to speak once, every 15 years.”
The man says “Ok” and so begins his time with the silent order.
15 years pass and the man is sitting in the refectory when the head monk approaches and says to the man “It has been fifteen years. What would you like to say, brother?”.
The man responds, “The porridge could do with a little more sugar.” The head monk nods in acknowledgment and walks away.
Another 15 years pass and the head monk finds the man in the dormitory and says “Brother, it has been another 15 years. What is it that you wish to say?”.
“The bed sheets are a bit thin.” Replies the man. Again the head monk nods in acknowledgment.
Yet another 15 years pass and the head monk sees the man and asks “15 years have passed. Have you anything to say?”.
“Well actually I’ve been thinking about it and I’m leaving the order. It’s not really for me.” says the man.
“Yes, yes” sighs the head monk “I think that’s for the best. You’ve done nothing but complain since you got here.”