for me the most lethal combination isnt one of my food issues like lactose intolerance, I can beat that hands down
simple, eat some food heavy on the garlic (any kind but roasted is the best)
wait a few hours or perhaps the next day and eat some more food also heavy on the garlic. the stench is insane, I swear I can feel my arsehole trying to run away from the fart as its on the way out, truly no exaggeration eye watering.
love this thread
Oh, and so do ham & cheese omelets! The recipes are endless for smelliest.
As for volume, just a couple months ago I was awakened by the volume AND vibrations from early morning flatulence. I always have an outdated cellphone as my alarm clock. I set it for vibrate, place it on the wooden nightstand, and that usually wakes me well.
While still under the covers, I hear that incessant vvvvvrrrbbbb, vvvvvvrrrrbbbbb, thinking it’s my alarm clock so I’m instinctively fiddling with the off switch before realizing it’s only 5:00 am and my ass is the alarm clock. (!)
I tried to go back to sleep, but I was laughing waaaaay too hard.
I’m the first one to say sauerkraut? Most foods don’t affect me that way, but after ingesting kraut I don’t want to be around me.
Worst. Farts. Ever.
Four words: Burger King onion rings.
Just a few weeks ago I ripped one that surprised me. It was 8 seconds or so and held the first note of the two-note foghorn sound.
If either my wife or I eat eggplant in any form, that person is required to sleep on the couch with the ceiling fan on high.
My wife once spent the weekend in Vegas with some friends. I picked her up at the airport. As we got closer to home, I made the mistake of rolling UP the partially cracked windows in the car. She asked, “Why did you roll up the windows?”
To which I replied, “They must be doing some canal work or something. Don’t you smell the open sewer?”
I thought she was going to die laughing. She’d had ratatouille at the girls’ farewell lunch.
Psst, gigi, post 71. 
I guess you’re still having issues (pun intended)?
They do the same thing to me, though!
I’m on a post-surgical antibiotic regimen, and my farts have never smelled worse. I’m not sure if one has to do with the other, but it’s seriously awful folks. They have a strong suggestion of vinegar in the smell, and I can’t even stand them, myself.
This is a little off-topic but I’ve noticed the my standing farts are MUCH smellier than my seated ones. It cannot be that the farts are being blown into and filtered by the seat cushions, because frankly, my ass is too fat for that. The point of emission is well above the seat cushion and there is plenty of space for dispersal.
So there mus be something else. Perhaps being seated kinks the colon and prevents the nore noxious gases from higher upstream from getting out?
Has anyone else noticed this?
:o I THOUGHT this thread seemed familiar. :smack: Zombie farts.
We’d had a bunch on BBQ the night before and I cut a killer while in the shower. I’m guessin’ all the humidity must have made it like it was shot out a mister or something. I heard my wife and daughter wander into the bathroom and, shortly, my daughter exclaimed “Oooo Mommy, something smells horrible!” I guess my wife started pointing at the shower because I could then hear my daughter say “Daddy?”
Thanks, hon.
Red Dog is still my favorite-tasting beer, but I haven’t had it in six or seven years. I had to give it up if I wanted to be able to drink with other humans again.
I have a buddy that takes great pride in the “stink factor” of his offerings, Jason’s killer “recipe”:
Schlitz malt liquor and pickled eggs, he refers to them as “battery acid farts”.
Unclviny
We had a guy at work long ago who hated going to meetings. He considered them a waste of time. Our meeting were in a small room, so that worked to his advantage. The night before he’d fill up on sauerkraut and beans.
The sauerkraut was the amps. The beans were the volts.
I went to a oicnic a few years ago. they had draft beer, chili dogs, hot dogs and popcorn. We played softball,and volleyball. It lasted for about 9 hours. That night I farted so loud the noise woke me up from a solid sleep. I looked at my wife to see if she noticed. Her nose started wiggling like a bunny rabbits nose. She woke up and said goddamn. She buried her face in the pillow. i suspect she noticed it.
Chex Mix. The Worcestershire Sauce + Onion Salt + Garlic Salt…wow. Rare is the opurtunity to rip one that disgusts even MYSELF.
At the absoluite nadir of my economic health, I once spent two months on a diet that was 95% rice, kidney beans, lentils, oatmeal, and soybeans. All cheap-as-dirt dry goods that I had stocked up in the pantry.
Then the rice ran out, and my diet became more lentil-and-soy heavy than any digestive system should be asked to deal with. Breakfast - oatmeal with home-made soymilk. Lunch-- lentils with homemade tofu. Dinner – beans…
The most foul-smelling farts you might ever imagine, every fifteen minutes or so: ssssssssssssssst. Murder.
I have recently discovered the awesomeness of deep-fried pickles. Tasty going in, hilarious going out.
My husband can tell when I have had Burger King onion rings just by the smell of my farts.
I just laughed until my stomach cramped. Years of watching that cartoon brought a flash of images from this single phrase.
Love the robot fart, Zsofia. I think I have some similar solid emissions from time to time. WTF does one eat to create turds that smell like turpentine & mothballs?
But I digress.
My prizewinning fart took place after a very pleasant afternoon spent at the Marin County Fair. Tempura vegetables. Beer. Ice cream. And, last but not least, to administer the final coup de gross, the dreaded Chili Cheese Fries. Greasy fries served in a cardboard boat, drowned in Day-Glo orange “cheese product” and canned chili. Mmmmm.
The Fart woke me out of a sound sleep - so loud it echoed - and the stench curled my nose hairs. I had to leave my own room & sleep on the couch…giggling the whole time, natch.
No fart since can compare.