If I were single I would totally steal that. Brilliant!
Now that I know that, if I ever hear that line, I’ll answer, “Yes, I would. But if you’re doing some kind of sociological or psychological study, there’s gonna be one hell of a beat-down.”
And then – this is the important part – follow through.
Her: “Are you straight?”
Her: “Well, i’m not. But my friends over there are, and they’ve been checking you out for the last hour.”
Some years back, I did a public service announcement for the campus counseling center. It featured my friend Phil using some of the worst lines imaginable in a very drunken voice. The counseling center liked it so much that I did a bunch more.
The PSA was about alcohol abuse, BTW.
I’m married to a man who I approached at a nightclub and charmed with the whole “I bet you a dollar I can kiss you without touching you” thing. Yeah, it’s old. But he fell for it and now I get to kiss him for free.
The best way to turn me on is to make me laugh. Many years ago, when I was single, I attended a wine & cheese party where they had these huge loaves of French bread on every table. A cute stranger came up next to me, smiled rakishly, and said “Is that a loaf of French bread in my pocket, or am I just glad to see ya?” This caused me to laugh so hard that I spilled wine all over my dress. Which was OK, since the dress came off a few hours later anyway.
“You know, in this light you look just like Margaret Hamilton.”
Thing is, I ate out at a restaurant recently where one of the waitresses did bear an uncanny resemblance to a young Margaret Hamilton. :dubious:
A guy I used to know used this every once in a while. His other favorite was “Fuck me if I’m wrong, but is your hair green?”
Never lose sleep over that. It’s very rare that people have to follow through on what they would have done.
“Wanna come with me and my mate for a good fucking?”
Hey, at least they were honest. But stupid. They’d been told by the girl next to me that I was with her.
I politely declined.
The girl who would be my second kiss and second fuck has a similar story. The two of us plus a mutual friend were staying at another mutual friend’s place one night. She and I were the first to arrive, and the host showed us the guest room, with two beds. She pointed at one of the beds and said “I’ll take that one.” Then I said, “I’ll take that one too” and she said “OK”. We proceeded to get stoned and drunk. Penis ensued.
I wish I still had that confidence!
I once stopped a girl in a pedestrian walkway and told her I would kill myself if she didn’t have dinner with me that night. We had dinner that night and dated for close to a year.
I just thought of another one that’s been used on me. I’m discerning my vocation as a nun, so I’m not dating (I don’t actually use the earlier pick up line I posted except in jest). The topic of me joining a nunnery came up at a party a couple of months ago and later that night a guy came up to me and said, “You know, the first thing that people think when you tell them that you’re becoming a nun is, ‘Wow, that chick is never going to have sex again,’ and I think that’s really sad. You wanna have one last run?” I gave him props for using my vocation to try and get sex, but I then turned him down and informed him that, even if I weren’t looking at becoming a nun, I wouldn’t have sex with him anyways because I’m gay. It spawned a really interesting conversation, but, unfortunately for him, it did not result in any sex.
I once struck up a conversation with a lady at my local neighborhood bar.
We chatted for a good two hours before the bartender called last call.
It was at this point she said to me “…I can give you my number; maybe you can call me and we can go out sometime”
I then assholishly responded with: “Well, I don’t know about that dating shit but we can go back to my place and fuck if you want to.”
Her knee-jerk reaction was to get pissed off but before the nights end we were back at my place doing all kinds of naughty stuff.
A couple weeks ago I was out at a bar with my boyfriend. He was playing pool and I went outside for a smoke. A guy walked up to me obviously looking for a light for his cigarette. I lit his cigarette and that’s when he gave me his pick up line. “I could kill you with my bare hands.” (I had no fear that he would actually try anything, there were a lot of people I knew close by)
Over the next couple sentences he got out that he was just back from a tour in Iraq and repeated his first line a couple times as well as a description of what he would like to do with me sexually that evening. I decided to make my way back into the bar when he started to demonstrate what he meant in his first line by reaching up to put his hands on my neck. Creepy, creepy and very drunk guy.
I’m sorry about that. The cigarettes seem to make me really aggressive.
A woman I’d know for sometime while at a party:
I wish you’d been my baby daddy.
Me: It’s not too late.
If you were near me, I know a guy who’d do that.
Actually, his favorite, before he left on a tour of duty, would be that he would go up to random girls in the bar, and say “I’m just about to go on a tour of duty in Afghanistan, you might be the last woman I ever sleep with”. I believe it may have worked one or twice, we always thought it was really sleazy (this guy, even before this, had the worst pick-up lines and least shame of anybody I’d ever met)
At a HS basketball away game. Girl sitting in the bleachers reading a book, (no I don’t know which one). Twice guys sat next to her and asked what she was reading, her reply, “This book.” My turn, “Hey, does that guy over there look like Hoss Cartwright (google Bonanza) to you?”
Well, he did, she laughed out load and spit up Pepsi on me.
We’ve been married 37 years.
A fraternity brother of mine to some random hot girl in a bar, after they had talked for a few minutes:
He got all serious, and looked her straight in the eyes, and said, " You’re probably going to meet a bunch of guys tonight, but there is one thing about me that makes me different-" (pause and wait for her to ask what)
Him-“Whenever we leave tonight, I’ll put out”