What did the blind man say as he walked past the fish market?
“Ah…fresh fish! Maybe I’ll stop and get some orange roughy for tonight’s dinner.”
Oh, thank you, wellanuff, that was grand.
Two cannibals are eating a clown. One turns to the other and says “Mmm, yummy clown.”
There was a double knock at the door. I inquired as to who it was, but there was no answer. When I opened the door, there was a cow standing there. It immediately commenced to mooing, but I have no idea where it came from or what it was doing there.
Two cowboys were trying to win the “Biggest Pig contest” at the county fair. So they stuck a cork in the pig’s anus, and left the cork there for 3 weeks. The pig got bigger and bigger and bigger. This was, of course, merely bloating of the pig’s corpse as it had died due to sepsis from being unable to defecate. They buried the pig at the corner of the pasture and bitterly regretted losing the money their initial purchase of the pig had required as it had been all their savings.
A. The Most Disgusting Vaudeville Act of All Time!
What’s the difference between a hamburger and a blow job?
One is a food item and the other is a sexual act.
The agent says “Aristocrats? I don’t get it.”
A guy walks into a bar and notices a man, twelve inches tall, playing a tiny piano. The pianist is quite accomplished and provides great enterainment throughout the evening.
This entire post had me laughing to tears. Thank you.
That was utterly delightful. I was moved.
A man called his mother in Florida, “Mom, how are you?”
“Not too good,” said the mother. "I’ve been very weak. " The son said,
“Why are you so weak?” She said, "Because I haven’t eaten in 38 days.
"The son said, “That’s terrible. Why haven’t you eaten in 38 days?”
The mother answered, “Because; I have ulcerative colitis.”
I see what you did there. Twice. Very nice.
Q) What do you get when you mate an elephant with a rhinoceros?
A) The elephant and rhino are not of the same order. The rhino is a distant cousin to the horse (perissodactylia, which evolved in what is now the Americas), while the elephant is a distant cousin of the aardvark (among others - the closest relatives to the elephants are all extinct) which evolved in what is now Africa. They probably do not even share the same number of chromosomes, making any cross breeding impossible.
*Source for answer: Actual response on yahoo! answers.
What’s brown and sticky?
I expect several things fit that description, although the first that came to mind is melted chocolate.
What do you call a black guy flying a plane?
I would refer to him by his first name, Dave for example, unless it was on a commercial airliner or some other professional situation, where I would probably refer to him as Captain Smith (assuming his name was Dave Smith). Usually they have name tags, so that would help.
Q: How many black people does it take to shingle a roof?
A: I fail to see how race has any bearing on roofing.
My mother gave me two shirts for my birthday. I wore one of them when I visited. She said “That shirt looks very nice on you”.
Q: How do you babysit a black kid?
A: Keep him or her entertained, perferably with some activities like playing outside, rather than just watching TV. Then a healthy snack and a story before bedtime, which should be at a time the child is accustomed to; kids like routine.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Boo.
Boo who?
Boo Johnson.
Oh, hey, Boo! Come on in.
A: Well that depends on how big the roof is and how fast you want the job done. If it’s an average sized house for a family of four in this area and you’d like it done in less than a week then I would suggest at least three.