Ooo. Miller, will you ask your cat if she’ll let me marry you? 
The cat says “Back the fuck off, two legs.”
Bad kitty! No tuna for you!
New party game. More fun than bobbing for apples!
FYI- I live in NC- moved from NY. The town I live in has elevated “stopping by” to an art. It’s considered rude NOT to stop by if you’re walking past and you see folks gathered around or stopped over. You know those sets they sell with a big glass pitcher and matching drinking glasses for iced tea? They really use them here. For their drop in guests! They are ALL about the open door here, and the only people who don’t like it are the “Damed Yankees”. Except us. We love it.
So it’s very possibly a cultural difference for Gazelle- honestly, you have to experience it to believe it here (the drop in syndrome). It’s quite nice once you get used to it!
(In fact, a lady and her husband drove up on Christmas day to bring us cookies- they lived on the next block and heard we were from NY, so they wanted to bring us a little something. We’d never seen them in our lives. We were stunned to see them standing on our doorstep, cookies in hand.)
I was wondering if I’d missed something…I finally figured out how old you are only to be blindsided with the “fact” that you are married.
alice, Miller is (to me) “an enigma wrapped inside a mystery”. I’ve learned that whatever assumption I have about him at any particular moment is apt to be wrong.
On preview…Zette is right. Drop in guests are VERY common in the South. My friends and I think nothing of dropping over at each other’s houses most of the time. (Heck, my bestest friend has shown up at my bedroom window at 2AM…she brought Krystals…so I let her in. :P)
~J
I’m Communist Russia? Thanks a lot, Jaade!
Miller! Behave yourself before you make me flirt with you! (I came THIS close…)
People who are extroverts often have a lot of difficulty understanding how exhausting it is for people who are introverts to be around large groups of people. I happen to be one of those introvert types who finds it extremely draining to be around others, so I know how it can be pretty upsetting to have what’s supposed to be a really small gathering turn into a gigantic party full of people which will be really stressful for me. I know the frustration of guests who over stay their welcome in my house because I used to have two friends who every single time they came over they would end up staying over night because it was ‘too late’ to walk home. I also know how difficult it can be to be subtle about telling the extroverts that they’re really over stepping those introvert bounds, and I can understand how things build up until they reach a breaking point.
Bob didn’t have to be that harsh, and probably shouldn’t have been considering that Gazelle is an extrovert and clearly had no idea that she was making him uncomfortable. I just see this as a personality difference that will be best cured by taking a break from the visitation. I think those of you in the thread who believe that being introverted is no excuse to feel the way that Bob does are only partly right. He shouldn’t have been so mean about the way he said those things. What you’re wrong about, and what most extroverts don’t understand, is that for an introvert a group of six well known people going to play RISK is energy consuming, but bearable. When it turns into a group of eight or ten people some of them known and some of them unknown, it becomes downright exhausting and stressful. If that kind of thing happens once, it can be lived with, but if it’s going to happen ‘every time’ one particular person invites the introvert over, eventually the introvert will be begging off, finding some other way to reduce the size of the group, and if pushed into a corner (which although unintentional on the part of Gazelle is how it’d feel to have those ‘explain yourself’ emails showing up) will tend to snap at someone.
I’m not sayin Bob was right to say what he did, because he was clearly too mean. I’m only saying that it is hard to be an introvert in an extrovert’s world.
I made no assumptions. However, in my experience, when it comes to wives, it’s best to err on the side of caution.
Miller’s location is listed as Bear Flag Republic. That would be the land of fruits and nuts, I believe.
Is Jaade anywhere near there?
Jaade is in Texas, but is originally from Atlanta, and is one of the most gracious ladies I know.
I’m kinda introverted. Being around lots of people IS exhausting for me.
But that doesn’t mean I’m going to be an asshat to the wife of a friend. Introverts can have some manners, too.
Gazelle, alas, though Maureen would love for me to live out there, I am, as she confirmed, in the Lone Star State. (I’m not from Atlanta though…Georgia yes, but quite a bit south of Atlanta. 
)
Thanks Mama Mo!
~J
I was one of the first to reply to this thread and have been following the discussion. I am very much an introvert which is why I could see things from Bob’s point of view. I don’t think that anyone supports the way Bob went about things and some of the follow-on clarification posts by Gazelle made it clear that Bob is a prick besides being an introvert.
catsix’s post was excellent and explains things from the point of view of an intro really well. I am generally uncomfortable with groups larger than six or so and in a situation where most of the people I am with are new to me. I would never do what Bob did but a lot of the time I beg off or stay for an hour and then leave if the event is something that doesn’t fit for me. This pisses off some of my friends to no end and is currently the cause of some major friction between me and a good friend of mine right now.
I also wonder if Bob is a non-drinker like I am. There have been multiple threads about this but being around tipsy people is torture for me. That’s the other reason I sometimes leave events after an hour. That’s about how long it takes for the alcohol to take effect. Once it starts to get loud and people start acting like asses, I have to go.
I don’t expect people to change. In fact, Bob doesn’t expect Gazelle to change. He explicitly says so. I realize that I am in the minority and I don’t want to dampen other people’s fun. People also have to understand that intros aren’t going to change either. Don’t get in our face and screech, “C’mon! Smile! Have fun!” We’re just wired differently than you.
Haj
Thank you for such a wonderful post. (you too, Haj)
I think I am an extrovert much like Gazelle and I didn’t even think something like a large group of people would actually even bother other people. Luckily I don’t do much entertaining, but I will now keep all of this in mind.
Good luck and have fun at your party Gazelle.
There’s nothing really wrong with large groups, and even introverts like myself fall into them occasionally. Normally, I beg off of any gathering larger than six people where I don’t know everybody that’s going to be there.
Next weekend, however, is the birthday of a very good friend of mine. His birthday party is going to be huge and there will be lots of people there that I don’t know, but I can’t not go because it will upset him. I know that it’s going to be extremely straining to go, but I will make an appearance and hopefully be able to disappear once I get too tired.
I don’t know what I’d do if such gatherings happen every weekend. Normally when it’s just me and him and the two or three other guys we know really well, everything is alright. I seem like a very upbeat, outgoing person. Add in the girlfriends and a couple of other people I don’t know well, and I look like a sullen bitch. Times like those, I usually make my apologies to the close friends and go somewhere less tiring.
Gazelle, I’m sorry that Bob over did things so much in his email. He may not even have meant to hurt your feelings with what he said, just tried to protect his safe and quiet space. I know I’ve been mean on occasion to extroverts when I felt like all of my safe space (quiet, alone space) was being threatened. I’m glad you posted here though, because it’s helping me to deal with the fact that I now see my friends (the extroverts) a lot less than I’d like because I can’t handle the crowds and they can.
I hope they are not taking it personally, and I hope you’re trying not to. I don’t mean it that way to them, and it’s possible Bob doesn’t mean it that way to you. Some introverts are not really good at dealing with their introversion because it seems like the ‘wrong’ way to be. It’s more normal to be an extrovert, so I’ve spent a lot of time defending myself (No, I’m not crazy, it’s just very tiring to be around people, etc.) and have had fights just like you and Bob have had. I figured out that I will see my extroverted friends less often, but that we don’t have to stop being friends. That took a lot of mistakes, and a few ruined friendships, but eventually we worked it out. Give Bob some space and maybe one of these days the extrovert and the introvert will find middle grounds. In the meantime, have fun with everyone else and don’t worry about it. There is nothing wrong with you.
Nope, he drinks. In fact, he has been known to drink to WAY excess. To the point of vomiting all over their bathroom.
I hear you; however, I think that the way he said, “Don’t change,” was very sarcastic.
So how was the game? Did you kick their butts and take their lunch money? Were there lots of snide comments made about Bob (by the guests, of course, the OP is far too classy to do such a thing)?