It was one of the OP poster’s prior threads about this same girl that was the very first time I ever saw somebody post
[SinistarVoice] RUN! RUN! RUN!!! [/SinistarVoice]
It made my day. That the OP poster is still with this girl after all the advice he has been given and after digesting all that he has posted about her previously can only be catagorized as ‘masochism’.
Yes, and she can be the one to notify them, or the rape center can do it, or whoever. I doubt that he is the only one who knows who they are and has the number for the police.
D’oh! That was in response to Algorithm.
Another flee the scene vote here. This person gives more bad news than Fox but her truthfulness seems on par with them. (badda-bing). I find it highly suspect that she was raped. The letter came only after the ultimatum you gave her would be the first red flag. The second one (for me at least) is the fact that not only did it take 6 months for this information to surface but the fact that she felt comfortable doing it in a letter. Maybe it’s just me but if I were in her situation and that happened and not even the police knew, I can’t say that the written form would be the way I’d reveal it.
Oh, and don’t beat anyone up.
All right… I have read this OP, and felt terribly sorry for you and the girlfriend. Then I saw the two old threads you posted… then I go to the end of this thread…
Well let’s say that I would let her save her own damn self, and you should get the f*** out of the relationship if you don’t want a “my ever caring girlfriend IV”…
If we get to the point of having a part IV, I am so sorry to sound harsh but, it will be your own fault.
Leave her. She is detroying your life.
Were I in his situation I’d make sure that she did something. I would definitely not pawn it off as “her problem” and risk letting rapists getting away with a serious crime simply because she has screwed me over in the past.
btw- gratuitous bullshit like this is just one of the reasons that I think we’re getting jerked around here. Perhaps you need to stick to Penthouse letters.
Mr_Friendly:
There is a good chance that the rape story is a lie. More importantly, even if it is true, it was not the call for help you think it was, it was a manipulative technique to keep you locked down.
Timing is everything. You were almost there! You had delivered your ultimatum, she didn’t respond, and you were on your way out! Then, she drops this bomb on you. It is obviously a play on your savior complex, because she knows you won’t walk out on her when she so obviously needs help.
I’ve been there. I had an ex that dropped several bombs on my: molested by her father, beaten by her mother, beaten by an ex-boyfriend. I can never know for sure which stories were true and which were fake, but one thing became clear: they only came out when I was on the verge of dumping her. Every time I was about to set myself free from her cold, manipulative ass, she would drop a bomb, and I’d be stuck again, too wrapped up in supporting her and too guilty to let her go in such a “time of crisis”, which was total bullshit, since the crisis in question was always months, years, or even decades old.
Dude, if she is lying to you, that is some seriously fucked up manipulative behavior. If the rape is true, she is using her own pain to manipulate you. That is majorly fucked up, psychotic behavior.
I understand the allure of a woman like this – her dependence on you can be reciprocated in very sweet, attentive behavior towards you at times. And having someone that depends that much on you is a huge ego boost, and gives a real purpose and meaning to your relationship. But you have to realize it is all bullshit. She is seriously messed up. You are never going to reach the spot where you’ve gotten past her issues to the point where you can live a semi-normal life – she’ll keep coming up with more issues because psychotic manipulative drama queens depend on drama like the rest of us depend on oxygen.
Your OP makes it clear that at least on some level, you know you have to get away from her. Do it NOW. Don’t wait until the rape thing goes away and do it when it will be less guilt-inducing, because there’ll be something then, too. Get it over with and set yourself free.
To those who think I’m unfairly judging this girl: fuck you. There are a surprising number of this manipulative drama queens out there, and those of us that have caught in one’s web can recognize the signs.
To those that don’t think Mr_Friendly should keep coming to the SDMB with his rants and requests for advice: fuck you, too. I understand your frustration in expending emotional energy trying to help someone who doesn’t appear willing to help himself, but nobody forces you to read Mr_Friendly’s threads if you’ve heard enough. I say come on in and rant/seek advice as much as you find useful.
SDMB : I can’t believe it, Mr_Friendly. I’d always thought your girlfriend was so sweet!
Mr_Friendly : She’s like a Milk Dud, Teeming: sweet on the outside, poison on the inside.
SDMB: You gotta give her up.
Mr_Friendly: No no, wait: hear my plan. Put up with her for seven more years, then we’ll get married. Once the first baby comes along she’s bound to settle down and start treating me right. After all, I deserve it.
SDMB: Mr_Friendly, it’s naive to think you can change a person…except maybe that moderator who works in the MPSIMS… [flashback to the boards]
Troll: Can I talk about, “Go, Dog, Go”?
Unclebeer: [scoffs] That’s in CS. This is MPSIMS.
[back to present]
SDMB: Well-read, and just a little wild. [dreamy] Ooh, if only someone could tame him…
My take on it:
We have only MR_FRIENDLY’s description for this young woman – those of us who have followed all these threads – and he does not describe her as a person who would be above making up a lie, even one as henious as this, for her own reasons. If it appears we are judging her too harshly, please keep in mind that we base that judgment on what MR_F has told us. She’s his girlfriend and that’s how he describes her.
Does that mean she hasn’t been raped? Obviously not. She may have been. But six months after the fact, there will be precious little the police can do about it. And it is NOT MR_F’s place to report an assault that she, as the victim, has chosen not to report. That is her decision. Is there a greater public safety issue, in that they might do it again? Maybe. But that doesn’t change the fact that if he reports it without her consent, she may well never forgive him for it. I know I wouldn’t.
Most importantly, IMO, is the fact that the assault (assuming it did happen) is a totally different issue from how she acts generally and how she treats MR_F. They are not related in any way. The idea that he has some “obligation” to stay with her and support her because he is “safe” and she is in pain – that’s bullshit. It’s been six months; she’s still treating him like shit and jerking him around. The fact that her dog died or she got fired or evicted or even raped does not justify her behavior regarding him. And it’s not like we can chalk it up to emotional fall-out from the assault; she was a manipulative bitch before.
And I will also admit that my bullshit detector is starting to beep ominously regarding this whole saga. IME, people who are treated like crap in a relationship and still choose to stay, are either (a) unaware they’re being treated in a manner that outsiders would consider to be “like crap,” or (b) able to rationalize the crappy behavior as “he’s not usually like that” or “I deserved it” or “you don’t know how nice she is when it’s just the two of us” or whatever.
A person who is fully aware that he or she is being disgracefully used, and who still chooses to stay, is very unusual. MR_F describes this girl as the very embodiment of the Girlfriend From Hell and appears to be fully aware that he doesn’t deserve to be treated the way she treats him – and yet, he stays. And stays. And stays. And reports back periodically on how awful she’s STILL being and on the fact that he is STILL staying.
At this point, I have to conclude that MR_F is an amazing example of the totally spineless masochist, or he is bullshitting us. Call me an optimist, but I kind of hope it’s the latter.
Does anyone else feel like this is more of the “Pajama Pants Girl” sort of thing?
I dunno - I hate to be cynical but this does strike me as too good (or bad) to be true.
If it is true, the girl should go to the police. Mr. F. should run for the hills, and the butler did it.
That’s a lovely sentiment. I don’t think you’re unfairly judging her at all. Where did someone accuse you of that? All I see is you cursing some strawman and we’ve now got to wade past that hostility and hope it doesn’t spread.
And the insulting gets wider. I’m with Stonebow and any others that suspect we might be getting stroked a bit by Mr F, although I’m still hoping this isn’t the case. I’m curious about his motivation. Does he really want help or is he deriving some perverse pleasure in playing the martyr? If that comes at others emotional expense then I think they need to be forewarned about what’s driving him.
Not read his threads? Not a problem… if you’d remembered who he was. I didn’t realize it was the same guy from awhile back, not having followed them too close, until NoClueBoy linked to his earlier requests that we listen to his plight. I’m thinking now that next time I’ll remember and that what I ascertain to be his motivation will drive my level of sympathy.
Chill a little bit Crazy Monkey. We’re all just trying to figure out what’s going on here.
I think he also might be attempting to rationalize staying with her. Deep down he knows he should leave. However, he’s either too weak, or has too much of a martyr complex, to do so. He also may just be terrified of being alone.
So he comes on here, knowing full well the wide variety of posters, and rants. He knows that he’ll get some flames, from the people who remember him. He also knows he’ll get some sympathetic replies, the kind he’s seeking. I sense a little IDBBness in his threads, too.
I think he stays with her until the cognitive dissonance gets to be too much to bear, then comes here looking to quiet it. When he replies to posters, he gives excuses for her. He’s rationalizing. He needs to do it for himself more than for the poster. Then, when he gets the prized sympathetic post (he only needs one) the noise is quieted, and he can slink off to endure some additional abuse. Until the noise rises to such a level that he has to come back here to attempt to quiet it.
That’s my take on it, anyway.
And good post Jodi.
SentientMeat: one of the many horrible bits of the many-speldored horror of a rape accusation is that believing anyone is condemning someone. As callous as it sounds, it makes sense to assume that, given that this girl has not shown herself to be the type of person who wouldn’t lie about something like this, she may well be lying.
Read Ladder theory, believe me it will be the best thing you do.
God damn. You’re still with her?
And here I thought this would be the thread were you came back and said ‘I finally dumped that no good, lying, cheating, drunk of a slut.’
Okay it’s this simple.
I’ve been in a VERY similar situation and tried to make it work. There is no way that you need to be this supportive, in light of other indiscrestions. Dump her ass, cry into a beer or four and move on.
Sorry to hear about your situation, it really sucks.
heh I’m way to late to throw my .02 in but I will anyway.
I’ve talked to so many rape victims in my life that I should be a rape councilor (but I’m not and any way shape or form and I’m not pretending to be) in my experience when someone is raped they tend to blame themselves and absolutely positively edit out anything that is truly humiliating and try to make it seem like less of a big deal then it is.
Here she is editing out any of her own blame and adding a very penthouse forum incident of him cumming on her face. Exactly the opposite of what I’ve seen. My guess is she got drunk cheated on you and made up the rest of the shit so she can be a victim.
Either way it’s time to dump this swirling black hole in your life. Stop being her enabler and get on with your own damn life already!
A few things I’d like to clarify
She would not make this up, we werent on the vrge of breaking up and then she brought it in, we were on the verge because I knew something was wrong and that was getting in the way of both of us trying to work things out.
Before the rape she hadnt cheated on me and she didnt have sex with anyone in the toilets, she gave them head. Even more significantly this man took her virginity when he raped her, I had not go to her in that way yet and I can assure you that is true as well.
I have talked to her friend and she confirms it, she seems really messed up as well.
Whilst I can accept its a possibility that she made this up I very much doubt it, the letter she sent was so heartfelt and horrible that my mate cried when she read it with me as well and she doesnt even really know her.
Prior to finding out about her cheating I was uneasy at times certainly but the overall nature of the relationship was one of great happiness on both our parts.
Well, we’re getting somewhere. It appears that both girls really were raped, and it further appears that her subsequent uncontrollable behaviour might be due in part to the trauma she was trying to drink away.
These men might repeat their crime Mr. F. The police must be told. (In fact, one of the mods/admins here on the SDMB could even have alerted the police and given them your IP address for them to trace, so the cat is possibly already out of the bag. Hell, I could tell the police at this stage if you refused to). If a search of the house reveals such drugs, and there is a corroborated story on the part of both girls then there will be enough circumstantial evidence for the police to do some serious investigation on these men, which might put them in prison for a different offence, and at the very least will prevent further rapes since they will know they are under the microscope.
Whether you should really be involved with her thereafter, Mr. F, is the question most others here have answered, emphatically, “NO”. In this respect I am inclined to agree with them.
Take care, mate.