I want to get them to tell the police but its going to be difficult, very difficult and if I force them to or anyone else does so by trackingmy ip address or whatever then I think that would lead to a worst possible outcome as theywould clam up and refuse to help the police, meaning no punishment for these scum who did it and more upset for them.
In many ways I can understand the response I’ve had from everyone here. Taken alone my posts would seem to suggest a very bleak situation yet is that not because I only post when upset? I find it very hard to decide how I feel about her from one day to the next, a lot of the time when I’m with her I cannot think of anything else that makes me happier. The way she smiles when I kiss her, how she breathes when shes asleep, the sweet things she does every day to show she loves me but there are still so many issues about her that upset me.
I may very well have a martyr complex but in large part most of the bad feelings I have about her and have expressed here are overall down to the insecuirty I feel about going out with her ( as shes really pretty and I’m, well, not) and how as a part of that, she cheated on me. I felt so shitty at the time because I worried she might be, then I found out she had and I just couldnt understand why because say what you want, she does love me. I have never been more sure of anything in my life so it was impossible for me to understand why she would give her purity to some random, instead of me who she loves. Now I know why and its bloody hard but it does a lot of the way towards giving me a reason to deal with how I feel about this, my concerns no longer seem so real compared with what she has suffered. I might be better off on a day to day level without her, possibly but how would I be morally? If the girl I had worried about so much turned out not to be the drunken slag I feared she was, but the confused and hurt little girl who fits in far more with all I know of her as her long term boyfriend.
thanks to all who have posted.
At least find the identity of the men and the house from either of the two girls. You need not then even reveal their identities to the police when you show them the letter. The men will then be questioned and the house searched without the girls’ knowledge. If drugs are found, there is a real possibilty of them being convicted on some kind of charge, which might encourage them to come forward as a witness. If not, the men have been flagged up and will think again about raping another girl.
You can a search warrent in England without ANY information?
“These guys raped somebody. Several people, in fact. I can’t tell you who, but I can tell you when. Roughly, 5 months ago.”
I think the cops are gonna need more to even begin an investigation. The letter is worthless without knowing who wrote it. Especailly if it does not include full names and dates. An anonymous letter and a 3rd party filling in the details is gonna look suspicious, at best.
I’m seeing her in a few hours after my lecture and she went out for a drink with the other girl last night and they talked about it a lot so Im going to try and persuade her to take some kind of action in that direction but Im doubtful as to whether she will and if so what it will achieve but I’ll try and post again when I can once I’ve talked to her more about it (this probably wont be until monday as I dont have constant net access).
Until then thanks for all comments you may have or will make I appreciate all input.
mr f xxx.
Perhaps you’re right, spooje. Unless similar cases are flagged up on the database, it would be necessary for one of the girls to come forwards in person. However, it is still possible that they need not be involved, and I would hope we all agree that the police must be told here.
Oh…well, that changes everything, why didn’t you say so in the first place? :rolleyes:
Rape is a horrible thing, trust me, I’ve been there. If she chooses to work through it and heal, she will. If not, it will fuck her up for the rest of her life and taint every relationship she’ll ever have, including yours. Either way, there isn’t shit you can personally do about it.
I don’t see how the rape story being true changes anything, to be perfectly honest. She still sounds like a complete piece of shit to me, and a lying, deceitful child. She needs to grow up, period. I still say the best thing to do would be to end it, if not now, then soon, if you feel you MUST stay with her during this rape crisis.
I don’t think it’ll go anywhere good if you stay, though. She doesn’t sound the type to deal with the serious soul-searching and self-analyzation she’s going to need, if she’s ever to recover from her rape trauma. This isn’t anything you can do for her, help her with, or force her to do. She has to choose it, and choose to follow it through.
You’ve got a lot to balance out Mr Friendly. Does dating a pretty girl you believe needs you cancel out the fact she’s repeatedly cheated on you and likely will continue to do so in the future? As has been mentioned many times, you’re in for a lifetime of hurt and pain if you stay with this gal. It’s going to destroy your mental and subsequently your physical health. Your friends will despise her and likely lose a bit of their respect for you. I shudder to think of when you might ever decide to have children with her… would you know they’re yours, would an STD be passed to them, would they receive adequate care, would your daughter someday become a tramp like her mother? Tough questions all but ones you need to consider if you’re going to stay with the kind of woman you’ve described to us.
I can’t tell you how sorry I am to see you in this predicament. I really really wish you’d take the steps to remove yourself from it. If you don’t then all I can offer you is lament at the lost chance of a happy life.
Love is not something with ‘ups and downs’. Even when you are your most pissed, or hurt, if you truly love them, you know it. And if it’s real, they’ll feel the same way about you. It doesn’t change from one day to the next, and it doesn’t matter whether they are present or not.
This is not the act of someone that loves you. Period. There is no excuse for this behavior when you are in a relationship and your partner would have a problem with it. Rape or no rape, trauma or no trauma, drunk or sober, noone would do this to someone they love. Period.
Okay, here is what I want to say, SHE DOESN’T LOVE YOU. She is using you as a crutch to deal with her own problems. Quit enabling her bad behaviour and walk the fuck away. NOW. If you don’t, the same thing WILL keep happening.
Are you fucking kidding? She cheated on you. She hurts you regularly. She lied to you, on multiple occassions. And assuming this rape story is true, she withheald from you a truth that can quite literally KILL YOU, and your concerns ‘no longer seem so real’? What the FUCK are you thinking?
And statements like these are why people here keep saying you have a martyr/saviour complex. She is an adult. Hurt or no, traumatized or no, it is not your responisibilty to take care of her. You can’t save her. Hell you can’t even seem to save yourself. And if you truly feel you have to do SOMETHING, do it as her freind and not her SO. She has long since lost the right to have you in that way.
Erm…
At the risk of being a dick, I have to say my BS meter is clicking excitedly after reviewing the girlfriend trilogy. I don’t know if it is Mr. F or his everlovin’ GF, but someone is exercising artistic license with their stories.
No, except for operating a glory hole in the men’s room, she never cheated on our hero before the unfortunate incident.
Oh, and by the way, our heroine was a virgin until the beginning of act I, although the audience doesn’t learn this until they are knee deep in semen and booze sometime during the second scene of act III. Not so much as a foreshadow to give us that ‘aha!’ moment when the plot twists.
Obviously the script needs some work, but I hear Paris Hilton is interested in the female lead.
There are not :rolleyes: big enough for this statement.
Lost cause- either this guy is so fucked up that he believes this shit, or he’s pathetic enough to think that making this shit up to get a rise out of people is cool.
SentientMeat, I appreciate you taking the high road on this, but this sort of back-patting seems to be exactly what the OP is going for. And frankly, rape or no rape, the young lady in question (or shall we call her figment?) is the less fucked in the head of the pair here.
Holy shit. Mr Friendly, I think you are a liar. Your “pretty” girlfriend is a lie too. This seems to be a HUGE fabrication, and if there is a girlfriend, you both need to get some psych meds.
I retract previous statements–if you are with this pretty girlfriend(she has ugly duckling syndrome for sure), you need to stay with her, because you’re perfect together.
Mr Friendly, I strongly suggest you do not push the police issue on your g-f and her friend. If it is as you say, that all her crazy behaviour only began after the rape, she is still obviously struggling. She won’t be ready to report yet–if she ever does. Not everyone does. Being sexually assaulted is incredibly traumatic.
If you want to help her, contact your local sexual assault centre or abused women centre. They will have good advice. Give her information from them as well–pamphlets, information on counselling. Then leave it be. You can’t fix this for her, unfortunately. It is up to her.
It is causing problems in your relationship and probably will for some time. It is up to you whether or not you want to stick this through. (Don’t feel guilty if at any point you decide you can’t handle this.)
I was sexually assaulted when I was 15, and I did not report it until I was 25. (Here, a person can report a crime without charges being pressed. So, a report sits at my local police station, and if this person assaults someone else who likewise goes to police, they will see my report.)