Nice one, catsix
Yeah, IDBB.
And it’s about time. I was getting rather bored here without a resident drama queen…
Mr_Friendly wrote (bolding mine)
I believe I’ll collect those dollars now, gents.
I think maybe my problems have come from posting only on the negative aspects of this relationship and only in the pit. I generally dont find the internet a good medium, especially on messageboards, to discuss the good things in my life but when things are bad there are always people there to offer advice or to tell you you’re an idiot (which is often, but not always, what people need to hear).
I didnt ask the thread be closed explicitly, I meant that I wouldnt post on it again until more had happened as the response I was getting seemed broadly homogenous in its overall direction however I felt I’d add another pose anyway just to clarify my position both to those who have offered constructive advice (however much I may have ignored it, I feel I offer you an explanation) and to those who havent as well.
I can understand totally where both the people who think I’m an idiot and the people who think I’m a liar are coming from. Given only the information of the two previous posts many people could support such a position given the problems this board often has with trolls and their ilk.
I find myself agreeing with the idiot brigade a lot but thats usually when I try to look at things from a detached perspective and dont include all the good things about the relationship.
It probably is nigh on impossible to defend her to all of you hearing what you’ve heard especially as I find it hard enough to do so to myself sometimes but I say this to you, I cannot blame her for being raped. As much as I can see she could have been more careful, could have done things differently it is ultimately not the victims responsibility when a criminal decides to commit a crime to them against their will. Previous to the rape she had never cheated on me, this I know from sworn fact from mutual friends who have high degrees of integirty on such matters (scoff if you must, they arent your friends). She had been the exemplary girlfriend in every way she could. She loved me, she made so much time for me and put in so much effort, more than I ever did in many ways but I was always unhappy. My unhappiness was a result both of her personal shortcomings in certain areas and also my general insecurity with women and the way they view me. She tried very hard to be better in the ways that sometimes upset me but I didnt really try to make myself better in the ways I could have done. Now yes it is true that she gave head to other blokes after this happened and that is inexcusable, some say, whatever the circumstances. I find that a compelling argument at times but those are always the times when I am feeling most selfish and hard done by.
I do not find it easy to continue in the relationship but to my mind the situation is one in which this rape and the subsequent events are going to be with me for a long time whatever I do in relation to her. My best chance for happiness, and certainly hers, is to stay with her if I can and try, try to make things better. I am convincing her as far as I can to see a counsellour and also to make a statement to the police, I know that without me should wouldnt even consider either of these things. I also know that I am her greatest hope for feeling better and vice versa. She has screwed me up a lot but when I reflect on why I see that most was me being immature and selfish on non issues, the serious things that have upset me are things that can to some extent be dealt with, can be mended and in some ways, could not be helped anyway. I dont know if I can stay with her, and I myself find the deadline I’ve set a bit unfair so Im in two minds about how to progress in any way at all but I feel in my heart that it is still right to be with her, whatever people say or think about the situation the internal experience of it for myself is far removed from the ‘martyr complex’ people have accused me of. I have many many issues and debates in my mind about this girl but they all centre around the one overriding feeling I have about her which is that I love her, she loves me and I want to stay with her if I can. The real debate is whether I can or not and at the moment I feel I can.
This post is done out of a need to express both the conclusions of my recent personal considerations to you all in order that you might view in a different contexts the situations I have described and also to go some way to alleviating the anger I see reflected in the responses to my thread. I cannot explain why I posted when I did and what I did in a satisfactory manner, I was angry upset and confused and I still am but I am trying to make progress now. All I can focus on is repairing my life, hers and taking vengeance on, or at least preventing a repear of the incident by the men who did this to her and to me.
thank you all for your time and my apologies and humility to those who still find fault with me or my position, I shant add more for a while barring significant revelations or changes within the situation.
Also apologies for any poor spelling or grammar, up late last night and in the middle of tutorial essay so in a bit of a rush.
mr f
And this is where you are just wrong, see.
But perhaps she’ll change. All it takes is the love of a good man, right?
Right?
Just remember my prediction- she gets pregnant, and whoever it belongs to, you are tied to her forever. But maybe that’s what you want. shrug
This man speaks the truth.
Mr. Friendly
Someone told me something back when I sounded a lot like you, making excuses for my sorry excuse of a then boyfriend and trying my damdest to justify staying in the relationship.
Love isn’t supposed to hurt
Everyone has their ups and downs, yes. But when you spend more time justifying your mates behavior and your staying with them, something isn’t right.
You said yourself that you’ve only been together for a year and a half. You should still be in the honeymoon phase of the relationship. It’s way too early for this kind of bullshit.
If you seriously consider leaving her on a regular basis, that should tell you something.
Contrary to what many say, love isn’t enough to maintain a relationship with. There also has to be friendship, mutual respect, and compatibility. Your relationship seems to be lacking two of these characteristics.
The pregnancy even though they haven’t had sex in a while thread is my bet.
Mr Friendly, I’ve been lurking on this thread for the past few days hoping to see how things work out for you, and I really feel I have to post, if only to vent, since it sounds like you’ve already made your decision about this relationship.
I think you should seek counseling for both you and your girlfriend and get the heck out of this relationship.
First of all, co-dependence in any relationship is not healthy, as many people here have told you. You really need to find a way to be happy on your own. Never, ever rely on someone else to be your sole source of happiness. That’s the surest way to misery.
Second, she gave some guy head in a bathroom stall. Whether or not you consider that actual sex, it is still an incredible breach of trust. I mean, you’re committed to each other, right? Being committed doesn’t leave any room for giving other guys blowjobs. If it were me and my fiance had given another woman head, I would never be able to kiss him again.
Third, as someone who’s had experience being raped while being in a romantic relationship, I can tell you that it is very difficult to maintain a romantic relationship with someone after that has happened. When I got raped, I went sort of nuts. I didn’t want anyone to touch me. I cried constantly and thought the rape was my fault. Sex (unless forced upon me) was completely out. I didn’t want to talk to anyone ever again. The only people who could get through to me were female friends. Anyone with whom I had sexual tension was completely out. Honestly, I’m surprised she said she gave a guy head after being raped. For me, that’s the red flag indicating that she might be lying. Then again, everyone reacts differently. If I’m giving the wrong info, someone clue me in.
But, what happens happens. Best of luck to you.
MR._Friendly-
After reading your previous posting in this thread, this stands out:
When a man is a doormat, and puts himself out there willingly to be injured by a woman, he hurts himself in her name. That is what you are doing. You’re drinking, missing classes, probably acting recklessly in other ways, depressed, feeling sorry for yourself-don’t play martyr with this one. She’ll hurt you until you break it off with her.
That’s really the last thing I can say about this subject because I’ll just start yelling at you and calling you an idiot again, and that’s not right. You don’t need any more abuse than what this girl is giving you right now.
Get out from under her while you still can(think babies and paternity).
Sam
You are not her best hope. She is her best hope.
And vice versa.
All of the good times and things your girlfriend and you might share cannot outweigh the bullshit and stress she’s putting you through. Yes, you are an idiot for staying with her but, hey, I don’t expect you to change. Yourlittle deadline will come and go without any firm decision being made by you. You’ll find some reason to rationalize. Prove me wrong. I’m not trying to use reverse psychology here, I just don’t see any evidence that you want to change your situation.
I don’t follow.
No. All you can focus on is repairing your life. Being embroiled in an emotional maelstrom like this in the middle of your university studies is stupid. You don’t need this. This isn’t going to make you happier. Stop being a savior and a martyr.
I wasn’t aware that blowing other guys was part of being an exemplary girlfriend.
Get down off the cross already and dump this hosebeast before you catch something nasty from her that you can’t get rid of.
OK, Bill, where do I send the dollar?
Can I get the line on the Fake Pregnancy with a side of Fake Losing the Pregnancy? Cause I totally see that happening.
I dare say she’s been exemplary to everyone but Mr F.
Hosebeast?
Does this remind anyone else of The Acid House?
BULLSHIT.
She sucks cock in the shitter! That is BAD GIRLFRIEND BEHAVIOR.
When you say things like the above quote, that’s what makes us treat you like a lovesick, gullible idiot who’s too goddamned stupid to realize when a lying slut is using you! Wake up, junior!
Incidentally, you might want to do some research on how women react to being raped. In some cased, it can encourage them to act out sexually down the road…but the story that she sucked cock right after being raped is highly suspect. She SHOULD be totally freaked out about cock in general for some time, and it’s very, VERY odd that she’s comfortable enough with men, even you, to do something like that right away. My guess is the lying slut is simply a lying slut (as opposed to the lying slutty rape victim she claims to be).
This is not your issue. This is not your fault.
Let us assume for a second that she was raped…she has a moral obligation to go to the police. It is not acceptable not to take every legal action to stop these rapists from striking again, and it is not acceptable for you to let her or her friend continue to think that it is not necessary to go to the police. The next time these people rape someone, if your girl and her friend do nothing to stop it, THEY SHARE THE BLAME. Ask her how she feels about being an accessory to rape (which is far, far worse than being a lying slut, which is already pretty low).
In any case, she’s making you unhappy, making you lose sleep, plus she sucks cock in the bathroom. Seriously. Leave her. Once you get over her, you won’t be hurt by her anymore, and then maybe you can find a woman who’ll be a GOOD girlfriend. (Actually, you’re going to have to work on the whole wuss/doormat thing before you have a chance in hell of that, but it’s a thing you can lick, and the first step is ditching the bitch.)
Bill? Is that you?
Add my name to those who feel the entire saga is bullshit.
:eek:
Damn impressive… 23 posts and already a sig line candidate!
-Rav