I’m looking at that biggalsmodel site, and holy crap, those girls are BEAUTIFUL!!! The idea that these women should be a “specialty” item for modelling, instead of being offered jobs everywhere because they are incredible to look at is what our problems with weight and body image are all about. If I looked like those women, I would be flaunting it everywhere I went. Heck, maybe I’ll just flaunt it anyway, and Rex Dart can take his hateful opinions and stuff them.
You’ve met me, and I’m 230.
I’ve lost about 50 lbs in the past year, but I have vivid memories of the crap people used to say to me. One day when I was getting into my car there was another car coming my way filled with men and they were staring at me (they could only see me from the neck up) and as they passed me and could see the rest of my body, one guy yelled “Oh damn. She’s FAT!”. I was soooo crushed. Not just by the comment, but by how adult men could be so cruel.
crazy4chaucer - hang in there girl.
Featherlou, I haven’t been hateful. If I’m hateful against overweight people, then I’d be hateful against myself, since I have repeatedly pointed out my own overweight status. The point of all my posts was to relate my experiences with the issue. Just because I don’t find overweight women attractive, that doesn’t make me hateful. People on this board tend to use that word so much it’s practically lost all meaning. To use it in my situation would be like calling the black guy on Sally Jesse’s show who only finds white women attractive a racist. I share a physical characteristic with people whom I don’t find attractive. I have concluded that I myself am not attractive. Where’s the hate? I’m not seeing it. If you can point out a specific quote of mine in this thread, in its context, that shows hatefulness, then I will apologize if necessary. I have reduced sexuality as a factor in my own life to a point of being irrelevant to me, so I suppose it’s possible that in insulting myself somewhere along the line I offended you. Just let me know where, I’ll clarify or apologize as necessary.
Other odds and ends: It was lezlers’ use of the term “anorexic” I was replying to. See page one for that post. The word was used in a context as if referring to all skinny girls, no girl in particular. I don’t know which context you are referring to Belrix.
I want to repeat again that my post was an honest assessment of the world as relating to overweight people, as experienced by me, related to me by others, and with the knowledge I have about the subject from media sources. If you want to counterdict that assessment, go ahead. Don’t simply assume I’m set on this, this board is a “fight against ignorance” right? If you want to make a point, make it and let me see it. I think many have done so. I have tried to be as genuine as possible, I am sorry if some people have taken it the wrong way. You can call my opinions immature, I’m only 23 after all, but I haven’t done anything here to warrant being called hateful. “Civility” is my adopted middle-name, though I may be bluntly honest from time to time about things that perhaps I should not. I tried honestly to put every remark in a non-offensive context, if I failed then I shall try better the next time.
Actually, RexDart, there is probably more than a smidgen of self-loathing going on in your head. The whole “I’m fat and I’ll never be attractive to any woman and I’ll just give up on the possibility, because society is always right and fat people are just ugly and disgusting” is a really good sign of it.
I’m finally overcoming that kind of thinking, realizing that there’s more to me than just what I look like, realizing that there are people out there who are attracted to heavy men, and realizing that the fact that I weigh over 400 pounds doesn’t mean I’m a moral leper who should really just hide himself away from all of those good, strong-will-powered people who shrink away from the sight of me.
I find your posts sad, to tell you the truth. I do hope you get help for your poor self-image.
jayjay
Rex, you might be relatively new, but we on the SDMB see this constantly. It usually begins as an inappropriately inflammatory post, and progesses into an “Oh, poor martyr me, I’m just trying to be honest and present my point of view!” No one buys it anymore. I recall you saying from page 1 that “No man could consider a 200lb. woman attractice.” Once happily married dopers proved you wrong, you shuffle to “Well, MOST men couldn’t find a 200lb. woman attractive.” Neither of these statements could be considered an “honest assessment of the world” unless you personally have a telepathic foothold in the mind of every man or even someone beyond yourself.
Plenty of people have wasted their time and breath trying to tell other people what to think. The key word above is “wasted”. We can all think for ourselves here- you should probably take this whole thread as proof that your supposed world view is fundamentally cracked, as I have seen absolutely no support for your views and a ton of testimonials from people just as honest as you consider yourself.
What was the point of your original post? Someone uses the pit to complain about how she has been unfairly belittled because of a certain physical characteristic, and you jump right in with “scientific” evidence to tell her how unattractive ALL MEN will forever find her? That is definitely “hateful”.
C4C, I know exactly how you feel. I have tried to surround myself with people who genuinely like me for me, and that makes the whole difference. Hang in there!
(P.S. If anyone wants to see a picture of me, they can trot their little tail over to http://www.amherst.edu/~megray ) I’m about 200lbs and hell, I may not be gorgeous but I’m not the monster rex makes me out to be, either 
Rex, you might be relatively new, but we on the SDMB see this constantly. It usually begins as an inappropriately inflammatory post, and progesses into an “Oh, poor martyr me, I’m just trying to be honest and present my point of view!” No one buys it anymore. I recall you saying from page 1 that “No man could consider a 200lb. woman attractice.” Once happily married dopers proved you wrong, you shuffle to “Well, MOST men couldn’t find a 200lb. woman attractive.” Neither of these statements could be considered an “honest assessment of the world” unless you personally have a telepathic foothold in the mind of every man or even someone beyond yourself.
Plenty of people have wasted their time and breath trying to tell other people what to think. The key word above is “wasted”. We can all think for ourselves here- you should probably take this whole thread as proof that your supposed world view is fundamentally cracked, as I have seen absolutely no support for your views and a ton of testimonials from people just as honest as you consider yourself.
What was the point of your original post? Someone uses the pit to complain about how she has been unfairly belittled because of a certain physical characteristic, and you jump right in with “scientific” evidence to tell her how unattractive ALL MEN will forever find her? That is definitely “hateful”.
C4C, I know exactly how you feel. I have tried to surround myself with people who genuinely like me for me, and that makes the whole difference. Hang in there!
(P.S. If anyone wants to see a picture of me, they can trot their little tail over to http://www.amherst.edu/~megray ) I’m about 200lbs and hell, I may not be gorgeous but I’m not the monster rex makes me out to be, either
Since I hate when people apologize for double posting, I’ll hereby abstain from doing so (isn’t the irony delicious)?
Crazy4Chuacer, a year’s a lot of time to waste on a bad marriage. Take it from someone who wasted almost ten. If you don’t mind some advice: Get some counseling with your husband, or at least get him to level with you why he won’t have sex with you. It’s possible it’s totally unrelated to your weight. He might have an impotence problem that he’s too proud to admit to, but yet still use porn as some sort of release, however weak.
If you can’t work things out with your husband, and feel that things would be better without him, don’t despair of ever finding someone that will find you attractive. You can. And you will.
If you want to lose weight for the benefit of your health, work at it. But also work on your self-esteem, because regardless of your weight, what good men will find most attractive is if you feel good about yourself and are fun and pleasant to be around.
Your intelligence and wit are clear from your posts. There’s already a lot there that makes you a catch. And you read Chaucer, too.
Good luck.
I am so sorry to hear that all these incidents have cause you so much pain. Groups like Overeaters Anonymous and FA have helped a friend of mine deal with the emotional pain.
NightRabbit, I think you’re damn cute. Too bad I’m a het girl 
<hijack> My Gods, LunaSea, how I love your name!</hijack>
The article “‘Too close to the bone’: The Historical context for women’s obsession with slenderness,” by Roberta P. Seid ([Feminist Perspective on Eating Disorders, 1994) makes a case for skinny women having issues with fashion, and society’s opinions of them. Though women wanted small waists, as evidenced by corsets, but they also wanted their shoulders, arms, calves and bosoms to be full, “indicating an amorous plenitude.” The article states that undergarment manufacturers made inflatable rubber garments for skinny women’s backs, calves, hips and shoulders. I’ve never read this anywhere else, but given the deflation woes mentioned, I couldn’t imagine they were incredibly popular.
I don’t see how “letting stupid people define your worth and find happiness on your own terms” automatically has anything to do with getting pissed off about not being able to find designer clothing. I rarely go into sociological-research mode and ponder the role of society in determining my self-worth when I’m clothes shopping. I just want a freakin’ shirt. I think I would get pissed off if half the time I said “Hey, I really like that” it was followed with “But I can’t wear it.”
Egads . . . my wife is over 230, and you could easily fit her into Cathryn Mannheim and have space left over. Mannheim is probably closer to the 250-260 area.
Gaaaaah! What a HUGE picture!
No, not the person IN the picture … the picture ITSELF! It took a few minutes for it to come up on my screen with my humble little 56K dialup.
Would you consider saving it in a more efficient format, or at least cropping it to make it a little smaller?
This got a bit lost in the blinding storm of idiocy spewed by Certain Other Posters. I, for one, am quite interested in what you have to share, Scylla. You can post here if you think it’ll actually be read, or you can email me directly. Thanks!
Oh, and this same-sex person finds SilkyThreat to be totally shaggable. 
I can sympathise, crazy4chaucer.
I used to have to wear a bathing suit just to work up the nerve to get in the shower. Yeah, a lot of that was low self-esteem - my top weight has been 180-ish, but back then I wasn’t quite as upset about it. It got worse after I had battled my way back down to 117 pounds (after winning free membership to an all-female gym that folded a few years later, sadly, it was a great place) and then ballooned back to 167. That’s not all that much but on a 5’2" frame that was already predisposed to being curvy, it looks like a heck of a lot more.
I hid from the dating scene for 2 years or so, because I too was convinced that nobody could ever want someone as “hideous” as I was. I was always being told “You have such a pretty face…” Blah! People, take it from me, that - no matter how complimentary you think it sounds - is really not a compliment to someone in this position. Honest, it’s not.
I am feeling better now, it started inexplicably at some indistinguishable point in time a while ago. I’m down to 146 lbs - I simply changed my diet, I don’t get a lot of exercise because I work as a typist with limited time for breaks and moving around, 8+ hours a day, and that’s during the night; I really need friends around to help me enjoy exercise so I’m not turned off by it, and none of my friends are available in the early mornings, which are the only times my work schedule, sleep schedule, and gym hours are compatible. But I’ve realised that I could be perfectly happy staying at 146 for the rest of my life, because no matter what, I know I’m beautiful. Hell, even sexy or possibly, dare I say, hot. I don’t wear that kind of attitude on my sleeve like women who “genuinely deserve it” (according to the media), but I know it, and it’s made me happy.
I hope you can find the same kind of happiness, c4c. Everyone deserves it. And I’m willing to bet you are plenty beautiful.
Everyone’s already ripped into RexDart, so I won’t - ripping into people just really isn’t my talent anyway But while I can see where he’s coming from - I may have been there in the past as well - I do hope he can learn to change his mind and view himself as someone worthy of attraction no matter what his weight. Maybe it’ll help the rest of that attitude problem improve.
The whole gallery of Synnove pictures, from thick and thin (they were uploaded by my bf … I’m not that arrogant, I didn’t name them smile)
That garbage about fat people not being pretty is just that: garbage. I am very pretty. I’ve got creamy pale skin, olive green eyes, great hair. I’ve seen a lot of people who are overweight, and I think they’re great looking.
But more than just what they look like size-wise, I love getting to know people on their own. If some jerk doesn’t want to get to know me because I’m fat, well screw him! I’m a fun person, and anyone who’s bothered to spend time with me and get to know me knows that.
I’m not giving up, believe me! I’m worth it.
You guys (most of you) rock! And those of you who don’t, well, you know who you are.
Just a note on this diet and excercise thing.
I can appreciate that this is the only real way that I’m going to get and stay an average size. (I won’t say “thin”. With my basic build, there’s no “thin” - my bones are too big. Anyway…)
During an argument I had with a coworker a couple of days ago, I finally came up with a comparison that I liked. Being overweight is like being diabetic - the semi-obvious medical connection not withstanding.
To say, “all you have to do is diet & excercise” does not sum up the change that’s being requested of us. For the habitually heavy trying to remain “normal”, it’s very similar to the lifetime changes a diabetic must go through. Every meal, every free time activity starts becoming judged against this standard that most other people don’t have to meet.
As a dieting person, it’s annoying (at least to me) to go with the guys to lunch and watch them order the Italian sub or the burgers & fries while I have to order the Chicken Salad. The small child in me cries petulantly that “I want fries, too!”
I know it’s about the average intake and splurging is OK in the right context but it’s still something that the average person doesn’t have to think about.
So, to the all-you-gotta-do-is-diet-and-excercise folks (present company excepted since I haven’t seen this flip little remark in this thread), thbthbthbtttttt.
Yeppers.
And you’re quite sexy, btw.
And damn good-looking, too!
It’s not that I’ve got a particular ‘thing’ for women of a comfortable size, either - just as, in Sofa King’s thread about the underage Britney wannabes, it wasn’t that I had a thing for skinny, midriff-baring fifteen year olds.
It’s two things.
First is that, just speaking of physical attractiveness, there are countless ways for women to be beautiful, from young to old, from skinny to Rubenesque, from short to tall, in all skin hues known to man, in every natural hair color and some unnatural ones. Any man who can’t see this is missing the banquet, and I feel sorry for him.
Second is that, hey, that’s not just a body, that’s a person! Yeah, I know that’s obvious, but it seems that I experience as the immediate consequence of that observation aren’t obvious to everybody.
And the immediate consequence of that observation is, people who are living their lives, exploring their world and their own capabilities, getting out there, doing things, and having a good time, are going to be interesting and fun to be around, regardless of looks.
And if you’ve got any sort of soul, as you get to know people, you will start seeing their physical appearance through the lens of what they’re like as human beings, rather than the other way around.
I married my wife not because she was on one side or the other of 200 lbs. (and she’s been on both sides of that line since we met), but because something about her connects with something down deep in my soul. I would have been a damned fool if I had let a triviality like a few extra pounds keep me from finding her.
It doesn’t particularly bother me that RexDart is attracted to only a certain physical type of woman; his going around with blinders on doesn’t harm me in the least. But in addition to his confusing what he finds unappealing with universal truth about feminine attractiveness (which Green Bean has already spoken to), what bothers me is his crazy notion that he isn’t attractive specifically because of his size - therefore all similarly large men are unattractive to the sort of women he’s attracted to.
So he’s confusing his perception about male attractiveness with universal truth as well.
Which would all be fine, if he either kept these misunderstandings to himself, or was willing to learn here that these ‘truths’ are far from true.