Yes, all of this is entirely true, however, I would caution you against assuming that these women don’t desire you simply because of your weight. You could have an undesirable personality.
Just something to consider…
Eh-how do you know how much she weighed? Did you two exchange weights upon meeting? Surely you didn’t?
Wait a minute. I thought you “couldn’t.” Either your sexual preferences are completely biologically programmed or not. Make up your mind.
Absolutely true.
Aw shucks. If there’s really an impotence problem, that is nothing to laugh about. However, the idiot part? IMHO, quite possibly…
and yeah…gotta admit…I did a bit enjoy it!
Very true. Some people are simply healthier, and by and large will be considered more attractive than others. I probably weigh more than some of my very pretty female friends, and I still get more attention from men. I’m thinking that this is based on personality, though, and if a man was honestly asked if he would prefer me, visually, with a better figure than the one I have, the answer would usually be “yes”. I don’t feel bad, either. As long as my doctor says I’m perfectly healthy, I’m happy.
Again, don’t use weight as a convenient excuse to avoid looking into other reasons you may not be attractive.
Fair enough, but let’s not “cite” TLC as stating that a “200 pound woman” is scientifically not attractive. The channel may have absolutely stated that slim, youthful figures are biologically prized as indicators of youth and health, but I’m confident that at no time did TLC ever issue a “cut-off weight” to attractiveness standards.
Silly git.
OK- Rexdart, I just saw your last post. You are retracting the specific number, and the implication that such a number was referenced scientifically, so we’re getting somewhere.
I also noticed that you’re 23. That says a lot. You’re still a relative young’n ( I can say this at the ripe old age of 30!), and although you are old enough to make a better arguement, you may still be at an age when the media plays a much larger role in your definition of attractive than it may in the future. Also, younger women do tend to be slimmer, so the datable women in your age range may have lower weights across the board compared to those same women at say, age 30 or 40.
If you will agree that statements such as “no man finds an X-pound woman to be attractive” should have read “I and my friends cannot find an X-pound woman attractive”, then I will retract my less-than-polite statements. We can agree to disagree as long as you don’t present your ideas, or everything you hear on TV, as absolutes.
Having said that, I do find your posts sad, not because of who you are or are not attracted to, but because you are content see yourself as unattractive and unhealthy.
Being healthy is a good enough goal itself, and it has nothing to do with physical attraction. This future time in which you may decide to become fit in order to be attractive may not come if you dont take care of yourself.
Habitual dieting is like any other form of training. The more you do it, the better you get at it.
What this means is that dieting can actually cause you to get fatter.
There is a very wide band of efficiency that your body can operate in. If you engage in severe dieting for a protracted time period your body will surely go into starvation mode, and begin hoarding resources and limiting output. It will selectively burn muscle and hoarde fat (It takes energy to maintain muscle.)
So, what will happen is you will lose muscle mass, and retain fat and your body will grow more efficient. Habitual dieting will lock your body into this mode.
I’ve helped people lose weight before (I’m something of a fitness nut.)
If you find that dieting isn’t helping you, you need to stop immediately and resolbe yourself to the fact that you’re going to gain some weight in the short term.
To break your body out of starvation mode, you need to start eating. Eat a big healthy breakfast, and smaller meals throughout the day. Listen to what your body’s cravings, and eat what you’re craving.
One caveat here is that you need to try to follow a caveman sort of diet. Basically if a caveman couldn’t eat it, neither can you. Give up on highly processed foods, and drinks and start eating basic components. Drink lots of water, eat lots of fruit and vegetables, and eat them in the raw.
Use this time to begin an exercise program. This is the biggest commitment. To be successful you’re going to have to change your life and devote an hour a day or so to exercise.
You want to do something cardiovascular every other day for at least 20 minutes (I like running.) Don’t worry if you can’t go all out, just do whatever pace you can for the full 20 minutes. Stretch afterwards, and don’t push yourself. On alternate days begin a weight training program, and follow it. Something easy that you can easily do. If you have no experience with this, get some help (There’s nothing a weightlifter likes better than to show new people how to lift. But you have to ask. You will recieve one year off your purgatory sentence each time you hear "I used to be just like you. Now look at me!)
Continue to eat and don’t worry about a weight. Your body will be coming out of starvation mode, and you’ll be gaining muscle mass. Naturally your weight will increase.
The 20 minutes cardiovascular is important. The elevated heart rate forces your body into a higher gear, and it stays there for hours after you stop. Try not to eat for an hour before, and two hours after your cardio workout, but if you’re craving, then gnosh.
After the first month, your weight should stabilize (you may even lose a little.) You should be able to do the full 20 minutes and feel good afterward, and you should no longer be getting sore from your weights.
You’ll feel pretty good, and this is dangerous. Resist the temptation to overindulge in either the weights or the cardio. As a heavy person, you probably have a fairly strong cardio system from carrying around the excess baggage. It improves very fast. The muscles and tendons of your body improve much slower. If you push it you’ll injure yourself.
Increase your cardio workouts by 10% a week, no more. Try to be more selective in the foods you eat, and reduce your intake by a little if you have not started to lose weight or are still gaining. Again, don’t crash diet. You’re looking to reduce by small increments. Always eat a good breakfast. Always drink your waters. You do not want to send your body back into starvation mode.
You should never be losing more than 1-2 pounds per week. If you are, you are almost surely losing muscle, and damaging yourself.
If you are not in good health or can’t exercise, what I say won’t help you.
After 3 or four months increase your cardio workouts to two days on and one day off, while maintaining the weights.
After 6 months to a year (depending on how fat and out of shape you are,) your cardio workouts should be 45 minutes to an hour long. One or two days a week you should have a “long workout,” followed by a day of rest. The long workout will be at a slower pace, but 2-3 times as long as your regular workout.
For example you may be running 5 miles as your 45 minute workout on Fri. Saturday you do a 10-15 mile run, and rest on Sunday. (The exercise bike, elliptical trainer, or whatever works for you is fine. I just like running)
Once you get to this level you need to be eating like a horse. You shouldn’t be dieting at all, but paying attention to nutrition and eating like a caveman.
What’s going to happen at this level (and it’s a long hard road to get here) is that you are going to feel really good, and your body is going to give you very clear signals about what it wants in the way of fuel. Listen to it. Keep eating small portions.
You will become a caterpillar. Inside that shell of decreasing fat, your body is changing and growing stronger and muscular and fit. Again, if you are working out at this level there’s really no way you can avoid slimming down, and firming up. Just don’t rush it.
The other thing you will need to do is be realistic. I think running is a great sport, because pretty early in your training you can do a local 5k and run with other people. Go do it, and you’ll want to do it again.
It will also teach you to be realistic. Not everybody is going to look like a supermodel.
I’m a pretty big strong, and fit looking guy. I take running seriously. Evertime I run a race, I see these pear shaped women cruising by me talking about soap operas while they dust my ass. They’re not fat, but they’re thick. That’s the way they are, and it would not be healthy for them to be any other way. You see all kinds of body types, and that’s the way it should be.
The simple truth of the matter is that the day you run a half-martathon, and feel good afterwards, and good the next day, in short, the day you do it as a matter of course is a very good day indeed.
You’re strong, fit, and healthy and getting better everyday. What you do from there is a matter of your own personal goals, and really a matter of vanity.
The fact is that any body that can run a half-marathon, or it’s equivalent in whatever activity you choose (and that can feel good doing it,) is a body worth being very very proud and happy about owning. And, you should feel lucky as well.
(That Scylla guy just goes on and on, doesn’t he?)
I’ve recently switched to a mostly vegetarian diet. And I’ve quit eating boxed foods, fast foods, etc., focusing mainly on vegetables, fruits, whole grains, etc. And lots of water.
I’ve also started going to a gym near my house. I’m working my way up to a half hour on the bike or treadmill, and have been doing some strength training as well.
One of the scary things during this time period has been the days where I feel hungry all day long. That gets me a little panicky and I start to freak.
I disagree. It takes a lot of work and effort to make your body go into an almost permanent starvation mode.
Resisting your body’s cravings for such an extended time period is a herculean effort. You’re fighting your body, your mind, everything, for years.
The stuff I’m saying is just simply what your body what really wants. Get past the first month or so, and it gets progressively easier. That first month is the killer though.
It’s pretty simple: Caveman food + lots of exercise. That’s what your body’s meant for.
I’ve recently switched to a mostly vegetarian diet. And I’ve quit eating boxed foods, fast foods, etc., focusing mainly on vegetables, fruits, whole grains, etc. And lots of water.
I’ve also started going to a gym near my house. I’m working my way up to a half hour on the bike or treadmill, and have been doing some strength training as well.
One of the scary things during this time period has been the days where I feel hungry all day long. That gets me a little panicky and I start to freak.
Another part of the difficulty for me here, though, is that for three weeks out of every month, I’m in pain. Usually it ranges from moderate to severe, but there is a 4-5 day period that the pain is so bad I’m literally writhing with discomfort. That makes getting the momentum to get to the gym difficult some days (particularly when you consider my f-t work & school schedule). Something’s gotta give somewhere, but every time I think I can trim something, mr. c4c objects. He’s proud of me for working f-t & attending college f-t. He’s proud of me for my writing skills (even though he’s not read a word I’ve written). Yadda yadda. I can’t quit my job; we need the money. I’d gladly cut back to part-time school, but would lose my scholarships.
It should. It means you need to eat. I swear to you you will be far better off in the long run if you eat when you’re hungry. Give yourself protein, carbs, and lots of fruit and vegetables, and eat small portions, just eat them often. Drink that water.
Do not worry about gaining weight. Regardless of your current weight, you should expect to gain a little as you pull your body off starvation mode.
I’m not a big believer in the vegetarian thing, but it works for some people.
Unless you have an ethical or religious reason to abstain, you’d do well to get yourself some protein. Rotate it around. Steak, fish, chicken, pork, one or two good portions a day, prepared simply.
If you can do 1/2 hour on the treadmill, consider doing a 5k race. I guarrantee it will be a good experience. The people at these things are so nice and supportive and friendly, it’s sickening.
Well, my wife thinks that running makes her periods easier. Mr. C4C needs to get with the program, IMO. No sex, and no support, and he tells you what you should and shouldn’t do?
Call me crazy…but if I was one of the wives or friends of some of you posters, and you felt free to just throw my actual weight around to everyone in sight…I’d be pissed as all get out. I would NEVER tell my husband what I weigh, and you can bet that Punha’s never gonna know.
Jesus … how about a little respect.
Some of us are embarrassed enough with our appearance as it is.
Good advice, and you’ll notice that he thinks of this in terms of a LONG TERM solution. Changing lifestyle is what it’s about, man.
And the poster who made the connection with diabetes - I agree. There are SO many things that you need to change in your life when you’re trying to lose weight and get healthy. It’s very mentally demanding. But I found it to be worth it. YMMV.
A couple of things C4C; naturally, I am not in any position to know all of the nuances of your marriage, but from what you have chosen to share with us, it really sounds as if you are not in a very affirming relationship.
For example, my wife is also a writer (a damn good one if I do say so). The reason that I know this is because I read what she writes. When she is in a final draft stage, it is a family event. She reads a chapter aloud, I read another aloud and so forth.
Dopers that are smarter than me, and obviously know more about diet/exercise/nutrition and the like have commented on that aspect of things, and so I will not add anything there. What I will say is that it sounds as if you could use a dose of self-righteousness. I have found that the vast majority of people can be written off out of hand. The sound of the words that come out of their faces is no more meaningful than the sound of the flatulence emerging from their asses.
My mother (god rest her soul) was a huge woman (think the mother in What’s Eating Gilbert Grape), and yet she had more grace and dignity than perhaps any other woman that I have known since. All that is good, fiery, opinionated and interesting about me came from her. I guess that what I am saying is that you must not let the bastards get you down. There will always be the dull-witted and pathetic that can not see beyond the surface, but really they are not folks that we care about.
Hell, I am a big bald guy. Thought not in the same ballpark of harassment as being overweight, I do get my share of snide comments. This really did bother me for a while, but when I learned first of all to accept this feature as just part of who I am, then I was able to pretty much write these morons off. And you know what? Almost to the moment of me accepting this about myself, I became more desirable
I think there are a lot more people that have medical problems to which their weight can be attributed. You might want to provide a cite to back that up before you start spouting off numbers.
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Settle?? So the only reason to date someone is because she looks good? On behalf of “fat girls” everywhere, let me say…“WHEW! We won’t be having to worry about you being in the dating pool.”
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Or when Reubenesque women were thought of as attractive…It’s not only hefty men that were attractive at some point in time.
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That’s odd. My husband only has to look at my bare breasts or bare ass on my 210 lb. body and gets hard instantly. I’m pretty sure he isn’t faking it.
Italics mine:
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Then hire a hooker. A-hole.
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Who said anything about “bending to your needs”? How about not calling someone a “fat bitch” or making ANY rude comment based on someone’s weight, whether they are fat or thin? It’s called common decency and, as a human being, that’s all I ask for.
I am 44 years old and 6’ 3" on a large, muscular frame with large thighs and a relatively thin waist that lets me carry more weight than I really should, and over the years I have been from 190 to 300. I’m almost exactly the same height, size and body shape as President Clinton. Around 210-220 would be reasonable weight where I would look good and be fit.
I am intimately familiar with what it’s like to wear a large “suit of flesh” at one end of the spectrum and be a hard body at the other, and especially how it equates with positive female attention.
Everyone’s beating the crap out of RexDart for being an unkind, insensitive asshole when in fact he is mainly telling the truth about how the majority of non-fat men and women in the western world look at people who are fat. This may be unfair, unkind and unpleasant but it’s a fact. I currently weigh 250 (and don’t look too bad) and am trying to get to 215. I can love and appreciate heavy women as human beings, but they are generally not sexually attractive when they get past 30-40 lbs or so overweight and edge into the fat to obese zone. I don’t cry for myself when I am/was heavier than now and my resolve was similar to RexDart’s, that if I want to date fitter women I would need to be fitter myself. I don’t consider these women unfair, unkind or unreasonable for rejecting obese men as suitable partners. I wouldn’t want to couple with an obese person so why should they? And don’t mistake this for a desire for especially thin women, it’s not. The most attractive women (to me) are real world women with some womanly curves and padding but once you get into the mega padding stage this attraction starts to wane.
There are lots of men out there who love and appreciate fat to obese women with double chins, protruding bellies and large rolls of flesh all around. Don’t beat on RexDart as shallow because he’s not one of them. His hypothesis as to the scientific basis for the discrimination(s) people make about what is attractive and what is not may not be correct, but he is entitled to his preferences re desirable female body styles without being termed a jerk.
FWIW, I have been overweight for the last 10 years. I was 130 lbs. and had to take Prednisone (oral steroid) on and off for the last decade and it’s been hell ever since. I’m 210 now and very frustrated. Once I lose some of the weight I gain from the medication, I get sick again and I’m back on the rollercoaster.
About 5 years ago, when I was about 180 lbs., I wanted to do something about my weight and started walking. On the first day, I got about 100 feet from of my apartment and some teenagers drove by and oinked at me. Needless to say, that was my first and last day of my walking program. I just started crying, turned around and walked home. I haven’t walked outside since. It’s been gym-only walking for me!
What sucks the most about that day is that I was determined to try to help myself and I was humiliated while I tried to do it.
Aye. Similar to my allowing myself to be intimidated away from the school gym because of the snickering of the varsity athletes/sorority bitches. One of these days I’ll be able to get over that and go back. Hopefully.
My SO doesn’t know what I weigh either, but that’s because the time he tried to guess he said “I figure about 130”.
:eek:
Uh-yeah-sweetie-that’s what I weigh! (Never mind the Elle McPherson, “The Body” herself, weighs more than that, I’ll let him think it! )
It’s been my experience that men will generally do this, and rarely accurately guess weight.
These husbands who are giving their wife’s weight, I will assume that she told them the number and is comfortable with it.
The men who are guessing at weights, e.g. Rexdart and the girl in the “middle hundreds” who he said was less-than-sexually-desirable :rolleyes: probably don’t know what they’re talking about anyway, unless date screening these days actually includes an exact weight exchange. God help us all…
…Wait a minute, though, jar, you’ve posted your weight on here-in the thread about giving Marge a bath!
if you think my weight stays the same over even the period of a WEEK, baby, you’re crazy.
I LIE to my husband about my weight. If I have to give my weight I lie. It’s just not something I’m comfortable with since it’s a constant struggle in my life.
So if Opal is comfy giving her weight out, that’s fine…but I wonder punha ASKED all those posters if he could guesstimate what they weigh before he did it. Because if he had asked me, I’d have said Fuck Off with a capital T
)