Opal, I already elaborated that it’s not lying, it’s just not revealing. EVER. I never tell him what I weigh. Unless it’s a matter of plane going down unless they have the right weight, I NEVER reveal it to anyone, because it’s fucking embarrassing as hell.
c4c, I’ve read some of your posts, and you seem like a cool person. You’re witty, intelligent, forthright, and caring. Don’t ever let anybody tell you otherwise simply because of your weight. I’m so sorry for all the hurt you were caused by ignorant, shallow people. I’ve had my share of slings and arrows about my appearance, and I think everybody else here has, too. It’s a shame so many of our fellow humans have never gotten past the playground mentality.
About your husband…you should really talk to him about the problems you’re having. It’s very possible it has nothing to do with you at all- he really could be having some sexual dysfunction. I went through this with my b/f about a year ago, except I was on the other side- I never wanted to have sex, due to my medication and its side-effects. He was of course very concerned, thinking I was no longer attracted to him, or was no longer committed to the relationship. A good long talk cleared the whole thing up, and a great bonus of this was that we got even closer, since he understood my problems with the meds, I swallowed my foolish pride, and we worked through it together.
Damn, that sounded corny. Anyway, I think you’re swell. 
Now to completely hijack this thread once again. Thinking about RexDart and his somewhat misplaced personal issues, and his ‘scientific’ defense thereof, I decided to post my own amateur theory, with addendum, about the whole weight/attractiveness issue. Now, keep in mind, I have only a teeny bit of background in anthro, none in soc, and the only barest grasp of nutrition. But I have this theory that we’re all descended from pear-shaped women. Here’s why I think this: females with a little ‘extra padding’ are in most mammals more fertile and produce healthier offspring than women who are just at or below average weight. I base this on studies I have read and others in which I have personally participated, mainly with chimpanzees, our much-touted closest relatives. Stored fat is a necessary biological protection against times of famine, of which there were many not so very long ago in human history. Women who were capable of storing fat for times of need survived and produced more and healthier offspring than women who did not have this capability. Women especially tend to store fat on the thighs and buttocks, areas which are the least stressful for the body to carry extra weight. The pear-shaped women, their reproductive success noticed, would naturally begin to be favored by males over women who could not store fat, and thus had smaller thighs, hips, and butts. Thus, our tendency to pear-shapedness: only the pear-shaped survived.
But what of, as gobear puts it, this social obsession with women who “look like 13-year-old boys”? I wonder. The current attraction to stick-like bodies with giant mammary excresences (generally constructed of plastic) does not fit my theory. I’m beginning to be sort of freaked-out by it all. We all know that magazines and movies are nothig like real life, and the people in them are so heavily plastered with cosmetics and air-brushed that their resemblence to actual humans is symbolic at best. But this obsession with unnatural thinness is worrying me. It’s unhealthy. A mature woman has curves. Even the just-naturally very slim and small women have curves. But these pictures we see everyday, of Photo-shopped models with the body of a twelve-year-old girl, all legs and arms, no hips, no butt, and then big ol’ boobs stuck on her chest is weird and evil-looking. I don’t know how to account for this; why the bizarre divergence from biologically healthy standards? Granted, being very overweight is unhealthy, just as much, perhaps even more so, than being very underweight. But in between is a very wide swathe of perfectly okay human beings. Yet they are ignored in favor of these shrunken and withered images of dessicated-looking women. Why is this? How did it come to be this way? Any thoughts? And what are the social ramifications of the media encouraging us to be attracted to pre-pubertal-looking girls?
sigh I’ll just end with some words of wisdom: those 7-foot-tall, 80-pound teenage mutant supermodels are just as much freaks of nature as a two-headed preying mantis. Everyone needs to know this so we can all feel okay about eating again. I recommend a little button I bought at a store in New Hope that says, in frilly pink cursive, “Fuck You Fascist Beauty Standards.” It has a place of pride on my backpack.
jarbaby, have I mentioned lately that you’re totally nutso?
Fortunately, that’s no sin in this neighborhood.
Arden - she agrees with you. But actually, I’m the lucky one.
A lot of interesting questions, [.b]ratty**. My take on the preference for thin women goes something like this.
Why were plump women desired at one time? Because that plumpness indicated a healthy, indulged, well-tended (by their standards) body. It was harder to be ample, because of the society in which they lived, and so it was more sought after.
Today, it’s easy to be ample, and nearly everyone is. It’s actually only those with the free time, money, etc. who can achieve the ultra-thin look of models; so it’s become the rarity and the “new” sought-after characteristic. Add to that the relatively new focus on youth and youth culture and you’ve got a lot of people thinking that 12-year-old-ish shapeless bodies are the ideal.
I never accused you of lying, I just said I think it’s very odd that you don’t tell your husband.
Working within ratty’s theory–Maybe the thin women are considered more attractive because they don’t “look fertile.” Who wants to date their mom? Maybe the thinness gives an impression of young, fast, and probably-won’t-get-accidentally-pregnant.
I don’t necessarily think that the above is true. I’m just throwing it out there.
Belladonna:
Interesting. I think popular entertainment plays a role in this as well. Ultra-thin people can be made to look good in movies and television, and since movies and television are so powerful these days they actually change what we consider attractive. The crazy thing is, these people don’t really exist. I’ve seen some thin female celebrities in real life, and they aren’t very attractive. They look tiny… unhealthy even.
I actually have a “movie star” body type. I’m 5’8" and 120 pounds. In a movie, with the sets built small to make me look bigger (yes, they do that) I would look attractive. But in real life I can’t even find clothes that fit. Nobody sells 27/32 pants. My shirts are all too big. And I am generally not considered as attractive as bigger people. These days it is nearly impossible to have the “perfect” body because our ideals only exist in certain artificial circumstances, and don’t look as good in the real world.
ravesaint,
Rex said that someone who was 5’7" and in the mid-hundreds was overweight. I said that it sounded like a healthy weight to me, which is exactly what you’re saying. If he feels that someone who is 5’7" and 130 lbs is “overweight” then someone who is thin and thus attractive to him just be scarily skinny. You misunderstood me.
ravesaint,
Rex said that someone who was 5’7" and in the mid-hundreds was overweight. I said that it sounded like a healthy weight to me, which is exactly what you’re saying. If he feels that someone who is 5’7" and 130 lbs is “overweight” then someone who is thin and thus attractive to him just be scarily skinny. I’m 5’4", 125 lbs and a size 6. By his standards I’m overweight and unattractive. I got slightly offended at that.
You misunderstood me.
Sorry for the double post.
Just want to add my $0.02:
The media tells us what’s attractive and what’s unattractive. Back in the days of Marilyn Monroe (who was a size 12 or so I think) slightly bigger women were considered sexy as hell, because those were the sizes of pin-ups and movie stars.
Now, movie stars and pin-ups are stick figures. Thus, that is what’s considered attractive today. Everywhere you look, there are freakishly skinny women. In movies, on television and all over magazines. The only time you see any woman over a size 2 is in a plus size catalog. Any woman who is nearer to an average size on television or in movies is usually not in the “sex kitten” role, there are the mother figure or are put in for “comic relief” the majority of the time.
Biology may have played an important role pre-media, but today, society as a whole is told what is attractive.
I wasn’t coming back to this thread, but will correct this remark of lezlers’. Making my “middle hundreds” remark mean 130 lbs is a good way to build yourself a straw man for attack. I hardly consider 130 “mid” hundreds, it’s in the lower third after all. I mentioned no percentiles, so you shouldn’t speculate. As regards the girl I mentioned, I believe her weight was around 160. I think I overheard this in conversation, IIRC. If not, it’s possible my penchant for underguessing on weight might add 10-15 pounds, so you could call it 175 if you wanted. Federal weight guidelines give 155 lbs. as the border between normal and overweight in a 5’8" person. Since she was an inch or two shorter, I was probably technically correct in referring to her as overweight, and anyway it does nothing to further your attempts to make me seem like I have more extreme tastes in women than I actually do. Someone else decided that “midhundreds” must mean 125-175, I never said that, and you picked the lower border of a term I didn’t even define. Do not use the most disfavorable interpretation of my words just to bolster your own attacks please. People were fueled sufficiently in argument by things I actually said, you shouldn’t need to invent any.
I’m not making any more claims on-topic in this thread, I’ve backed out. I caused more of a diversion than I intended, go ahead and return back to this latest discussion if you like, I don’t mean to railroad this thread again.
Just for the record: Marilyn Monroe wearing large sizes is a myth.
She weighed between 120-140 (with D cup breasts) in her life…still skinnier than me…and wore what would be considered today as size 12 to SOME designers.
I’m in the 140 range at 5’7", it’s either size 10 or 12 depending. Not thin, not fat, “average”.
I usually put my 2 cents in on threads like these because I think like gobear does, a guy who is big around the middle is a good thing. 
I’d be all over it too if I wasn’t already married to one such guy. It’s just a preference. Everyone has them.
Never talked about this part of it though: once in a while he wonders, much to my chagrin and continual annoyance, whether or not I still find him attractive. I have to figure this out for myself after a couple of days of him being bothered by some vague thing, acting kind of distant and abrupt. He works with the public, and once in a while he’ll get a rude comment from someone (grown-ups, naturally) and after enough of them are stored up he’s all convinced that he’s just hideous. I swear. What I do at that point is tell him the truth the way I see it…sure, he’s been informed that certain people don’t find him attractive. So fucking what? Certain people wouldn’t find me attractive either, I’m not blond, big-breasted, or 23 anymore. Not stick-thin, not rich, no particular stellar qualities about me. Am I still good enough, I ask. (I try to be at least half-naked when I do this.) He says of course. Well you’re still good enough for me then, I say, but not when your face is hanging out over there all sorry for itself. People *can *be just assholes, and some of them go for style over substance. Good for them. No sense in feeling bad about it.
Things are right with the world shortly thereafter, but I tell you…sometimes I’m positive that he is looking for things to be insulted about. Instead of measuring someone’s nasty comments against the tons of other complimentary ones he’s gotten (one would think no one’s ever tried to steal him - believe me they have), he’s dwelling on them. This isn’t right either. I can’t help that, can’t fix it if he’s determined to feel bad about himself. That is not attractive. I’m basically being told that my opinion means less than that of some moron that he doesn’t even know, as if they frigging know better or something. They don’t; at this point I think I know what looks good to me and what doesn’t. Drives me nuts.
Anyway…I don’t know of any overweight people who don’t get self-conscious about it once in a while. Just wanted to say that everybody does, everyone will, overweight or not. Trust the people close to you to be the final judges of how attractive you are; make sure you’re not assigning them thoughts that they aren’t guilty of.
That’s all.
From The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis:
LunaSea and Binarydrone, how you doin’?? 
About the large picture size, I’m on my school’s T3, so I’m not really aware of the plight of those with a dial-up. I will try to change it, though.
And I also had to mention that, above almost anything else, this thread makes me proud of the SDMB :sniff:
To all my fellow obese dopers… a word of caution:
We all have 1001 reasons to want to lose weight. Our hearts, our energy, our appeance, our sexuality, whatever. Here’s another.
I fluctuated between 170 and 240 for most of my 20’s and 30’s, then, bizarrely, when I was finally getting over being a serious compulsive eater, other factors came into play that pushed my weight at one point up to 325 pounds.
Thoroughout my life I have been considered fairly light on my feet, a woman who carries it well. (5’8"). I’ve always been pretty strong and graceful and remarkably agile.
But age will get you in the end, I’m here to tell you.
Without giving you the litany of my woes, suffice it to say that I am getting fitted for ankle braces and special orthotics for my shoes to save my ankles and knees. Especially my ankles.
I remember when I was younger, there were a few severely obese women I knew who always had Ace bandages wrapped around their legs. I was mortified and never wanted to be like that. Yet at least for the moment, I am. It sucks.
But it will all be over soon… I have things very much under control, I’ve lost 25 pounds, and I’m going to lose the rest. And I am going to reverse and stop this damage.
Don’t wait until you’re in your forties. Get it under control now.
stoid
I had replied to this earlier, but it appears the hampsters were hungry for a little midnight snack, so, alas, it’s not here.
I am very sorry to hear about the assholes of the world who feel the need to belittle others, for whatever, inexplicable reason. Unfortunately the abound in every “group”, so far as I can tell, be the classifications weight, height, gender, race, religious belief, occupation, what have you, they are there. It sucks.
This is not aimed at anybody who has posted to this thread, the use of “you” is either a general term, or specific to some experience I’ve had IRL. I am small, I have always been small, I do absolutely nothing to be this way. I am sure that there are a number of women, who fall in the same weight range, as myself, who do find such comments to be compliments, but I am not one of them - It does not feel good, and does not help my self-esteem in the slightest to hear, time and time again things along the lines of, “You make me sick”, “I hate you”, blah, blah, blah…I can understand, to some degree, the intent of such comments, but they are still sharp, and painful. I have never had any type of fixation on weight. I am not perfect, but I am not one to make any type of blanket judgement about a person based on any physical characteristic they possess. Hell, for the most part, since weight is something I think, and care, so very little about, many times I honestly don’t even notice it upon first meeting you, and usually only have it brought to my attention, once you say something about it, either by way of one of the above methods, or by sharing your own painful experiences because of it. Anyway - NEWSFLASH: I know that there are women who bend over backwards in order to fit into the same sized clothing that I do, I am not, however, one of them. I do not weigh what I do because it is societies ideal, nor do I weigh this amount in order to insult, mock, or generally make you feel bad about yourself. If you tell me that I am lucky, I can accept that, and agree. I had enough problems, in my younger years, with “ugly duckling syndrome”, and currently with depression, and a few various physical afflictions, that I do feel lucky to not have any others, be it weight issues, diabetes, heart disease, etc, etc. But if you’re going to share your disgust with me, over something that I have no control over, and in fact, have, at times felt I should correct, to some degree, by gaining a few pounds, you’re not going to make me feel good about myself one iota. It is not nice, or complimentary, in any way.
On a more specific note, to someone who I encountered IRL, I am sorry that you feel low enough about yourself, that seeing me, after having had three kids, just as you have, and seeing that I am not experiencing the same battle that you are, that you feel as if there just has to be some explination for it, other than genetics - no, I am not anorexic, not even in the slightest, and don’t even go near the topic of bulemia. Sorry, I abhor vomiting, and avoid it at all costs. To entertain such thoughts is one thing. I don’t particularly care to think that others may view me in such light, but can accept the fact that you’ve considered that, but to flat out ask me such, point blank, well, that’s way beyond crossing the line of decency. I’m sorry that my presence, as I am, is such a horrible insult to you. It is not meant to be, as I have no control over that which you find so offensive about my physical presense.
Ok, sorry for the hijack, but I just felt the need to add my $0.02 here. Like I said, this is not aimed at anyone who has participated in this thread, I feel horrible knowing that anybody is on the receiving end of flippant, uninformed, mean spirited comments by others, and I can sympathize, as I’ve experienced the same. It sucks for all of us.
~V
Well, that was the ‘myth’ I’d heard - that she wore a size 12. What Snopes tells us is that she wore the equivalent of a contemporary size 12, at least some of the time. While that’s a qualification, it’s hardly a debunking. (I’d never heard anyone say MM wore a 16 before I saw the Snopes link. And on those occasions I’ve been present when someone said she wore a 14, the speaker has almost invariably been corrected before I had to do so. So a myth that Marilyn wore bigger sizes than 12 may have existed, but it didn’t have legs, so to speak.)
At any rate, an even occasional size 12 still gives Marilyn much more of a comfortable figure than today’s women movie and TV stars, most of whom would get lost in a size 12 dress.
That Marilyn had a much more ‘normal’ body than the vast majority of today’s successful actresses is truth, not myth.
D’oh!!! Sorry Lezlers.
The fact is RTFirefly, curvaceous or no, she was skinnier than me.
People like to tell me I’m “voluptuous”. That’s code for “fat”