I don’t like kissing either. Never have, never will. I don’t hate it (necessarily) and I’ll still do it some, but it doesn’t do much for me and I don’t really see the point. But I still like sex, so don’t worry about that. You’ve had orgasms, so assuming you’re with a man you’re attracted to and who knows what he’s doing, you should be fine.
And I also have a mental block when it comes to first time sex with somebody. And I lost my virginity over 10 years ago. So I can certainly imagine how I’d feel by now if I was still a virgin. But if you decide beforehand that you want to have sex with the guy, then when it comes down it if it seems weird, just make yourself do it (obviously unless it really upsets you or something). If you drink, then have a drink or two, it helps a lot. I can have sober sex later on but the first time with someone I really prefer to have a drink first.
Maybe I’m just dysfunctional and shouldn’t give advice to anyone ever, but I think I have some of the same issues as you and these are realistic ways I’ve found to combat them. If you have to wait until you’re 100% over all your issues before you have sex, well you’ll probably die a virgin.
So I don’t want to kiss and tell here, but I suppose all the kind people who gave me advice might want to know… so yeah, I have been de-virginized. Pretty thoroughly. It’s kinda awesome. I was surprised how much it hurt at first, but knowing that other people felt the same way really helped. And it got better pretty fast. I don’t have much else to compare it with, obviously, but yeah, I had a good time. I think he did too.
Now I just have to worry about emotional things, since this guy is literally going on vacation RIGHT NOW and I won’t see him again for at least week. Maybe not the best idea I ever had, but I knew it before I decided to go for it and I am glad I did. I will just keep busy and try not to worry too much–I’m pretty sure he’s not going to just stop talking to me or anything. I guess we will see!
I don’t know if I’d say that I’m glad I waited, but I’m pretty sure that all that porn in the meantime helped a bit. I would have been totally lost without it, heh! I can’t thank you all enough. I was so scared, but it all basically went the way I hoped it would. Thanks, everyone.
Oh, and of course we used condoms!! I wouldn’t dream of not using them. I just REALLY REALLY don’t want to get pregnant, which is why I was thinking about birth control. I know condoms do a pretty good job for that though, of course.
It just seems that way since Justin Timberlake brought it back, but it’s been around at least since the 80s, maybe longer.
Here’s the good news. A lot of experience is not required, particularly for the women. A fumbling inexperienced man can be a bit of an embarrassment, but not a real issue for a woman.
There’s something a little intimidating about a super-advanced monkey woman slut, and a lot to be said for demure and inexperienced, but eager to learn.
My advice would be that if you’ve decided this is the guy, pick an evening date, at your place, where you’re comfortable. Make everything nice, candles, the whole deal. Cook a very very light dinner: A shrimp cocktail, a little wine, and a small portion of a decadent desert.
Over desert, explain to him your situation and ask for his help in remedying it… right now.
I can promise you that if you’ve chosen even a half decent guy he will react very favorably, be extremely flattered, and that he will do his level best to give you a good introduction.
Your job is to be as relaxed an open as possible, and while it may seem strange at first, don’t worry about it. Go for it.
Heh, well, it was actually mid-afternoon in Japan, but you can imagine that I rushed straight to the computer afterwards if you like… We actually both have a strong dislike for talking on the phone so that is fairly unlikely. Maybe the internet…? :dubious:
Hah, no! My ex-boyfriend was, but the current guy is American (as am I.) We are both living in Japan and met via the magic of the internet.
I was 25 when it happened for me. The next day was weird; I was a bit sore in…ah…certain places, and I couldn’t quit thinking, “I had sex last night!” It wasn’t the best sex ever but he was very sweet about it and it was fun nonetheless. I was madly in love which probably helped a bit.
The best advice is just to do it. A good person will be fine with taking it slow and easy. My fiance was the big V our first time. I took it slow, made sure he was having a good time… and now I’m marrying him!
Ah. Well, no concrete advice for you then, as mine is Japanese. It was the “unromantic” bit that set the senses tingling!
On the other hand my “unromantic” husband is very, very honest, and I can trust him, so on the whole I’ll take that over sweet but basically empty words.
From what I understand, it was worse at your age because the hymen thickens as you get older. Probably all for the best that he’s not available for a immediate repeat performance, as this will give you time for the wound of your torn hymen to heal, so the next time you get together, it will (hopefully) be nothing but pleasure.
It should be pointed out that it is also good with her on him.
I had a very similar reaction. I’m a 31 year old guy and my first time was when I was 29. I wasn’t super embarrassed about it because she was very understanding, but it was kind of like “Whoah! I wasn’t expecting to have that reaction…”
It was nice, but a sort of one night stand situation and I haven’t had another opportunity since (or rather, I probably just haven’t tried hard enough). This all occurred while I was on another continent and I was leaving for home in a week. I would soooo love to find someone to try it with again, I’m just shy I guess.
Yay for deflowering! I guess since your thread question no longer applies, all I can do is congratulate you.
I was in your situation a few months ago (I’m 22)…except that BOTH my boyfriend and I had yet to lose our V-cards. It was just as awkward telling him that I was a virgin, though, because I’d had three ex-boyfriends before him, so he’d just assumed I’d had sex. When I told him I hadn’t, he was taken aback, but also sort of flattered that I’d chosen him to be the first one to take me, so to speak.
Also, am I the only one whose first time hurt so badly I had to stop and try again later? That shit SERIOUSLY stung. We had to do it a bit at a time, going longer and longer periods each time. It’s fine now, but man, did it ever smart.
Although it’s not so much that it HURT SO BADLY as it was the fact that I was obviously so nervous–shaking and shit–that my boyfriend at the time didn’t feel comfortable proceeding.
Looking back, if he had just “gotten it over with” things would have been better all around, but I can’t blame him for not wanting to forge ahead when he’s got an eager-but-horribly-nervous girlfriend whose mouth says “Yes! Do it!” while she’s shaking with nerves and what-not.
Yes, it was uncomfortable and weird and a bit painful. No, I didn’t want him to stop going. But I do see why he did. I don’t think, outside of silly novels, that having sex with a virgin is all that much fun.
FTR, it took us 3 tries to get the deed done.
And another 4 months before I actually got off. (As I mentioned, I was expert at doing the job myself, but it takes practice to involve someone else.)
I feel a little weird bumping my own thread, but just in case anyone cares–I thought I would update the thread. Turns out he *did *just stop talking to me. Maybe I jinxed myself. It’s such a cliche–a young innocent girl gives it up and finds out that that was all that bad boy wanted in the first place!–and it feels pretty damn shitty, but I’m getting over it… slowly. I still enjoyed my first time more than a lot of girls, even if my memories of the guy I was with aren’t exactly the best.
I was only really seeing him for a few weeks, so I guess I don’t have much reason to feel this crappy–but I do. I gave it away, it’s not like I even WANTED it anymore, and yet–obscurely, I feel ripped off. :mad: Oh well. It’s an experience, right? And hopefully I can have more such “experiences” in the future… eventually.
Anyways, I hope this thread might be of use to other curious boys and girl, in the future! Again, thank you everyone for sharing your experiences.
We actually both have a strong dislike for talking on the phone so that is fairly unlikely. Maybe the internet…? :dubious:
Maybe I jinxed myself. It’s such a cliche–a young innocent girl gives it up and finds out that that was all that bad boy wanted in the first place!–and it feels pretty damn shitty, but I’m getting over it… slowly. I still enjoyed my first time more than a lot of girls, even if my memories of the guy I was with aren’t exactly the best.