That’s the problem with most commercially available fetishwear. It seems to have been designed to look good in photos, but is not practical or comfortable at all. Especially when you need to clean it. (Tip: do not use Armorall.)
lol
You are married to someone that “in the past” you “fingered a few times,” who’s genitals you “haven’t checked lately,” is that right?
Awesome.
JohnClay’s posts about his “marriage” used to amuse me, but now he just makes me sad.
There are dozens of snappy answers ranging from silly to truly hurtful and cutting, but maybe its a snappy answer that’s getting you into this mess. A lot depends on how she says it. Is it said as a light joke?
Is it pantomimed with a playful smile? Is she trying to subtly seduce you into saying, [Crocodile Dundee] “No, that’s not a penis. Now this… Zip This is a Penis…!”[/Crocodile Dundee]
Is she saying it as a put upon complaint, the way some ignorant drunken longshoreman might say the C-word? Is this her new witty insult to you because you forgot to take out the trash? Is she just randomly muttering this between drooling?
There’s a lot of context missing…
So you’re saying it could be like The Incredible Shrinking Woman, only in reverse?
(…And do jockstraps even come in lady’s sizes?)
Have you seen her birth certificate? Pictures of her as a child? When she says this, do you ever say “So what happened to it?”
Ok why no Armorall?
Armorall makes everything super slippery, making some actions unsafe.
To get back at her you should do a Buffalo Bill tuck and clench and make her think you’re a woman.
So you are surmising that he is married to the 50 Foot Woman, perhaps?
Wow she may have a 5 or 6 foot penis.
Maybe she means in a box in the back of her lingerie drawer or something.
It could be a pliable rubber imitation.
Or maybe a real trophy, or something*.
Maybe she just wants youto ask her to show it to you.
*an example of “or something”: Bull Penis Canes - Unique Bull Organ Canes
You should let her do you with it. You might like it.
And that was the edited version of your post.
Then write some hot checks.
He makes ME SICK!
Maybe…and I’m just spit-balling here - she wants to have sex, and since you haven’t checked in a while, she thought declaring she had a penis would prompt you to check now.
Love it! 
Dude, you gotta check regularly to make sure everything’s there as advertised. If something is missing or in addition, you might want to file a ‘materially different’ claim or something.
Depending on how comfortable you are with your own sexuality, if she does this around other people you could go into semi-flaming mode and say “Isn’t it wonderful? I was going to come out before I met (name).”
Either that or one day you find that special jar hidden in the back of the pantry. :eek:
Are you sure you had your finger in the right hole? A simple smell test may be a clue.
Here’s a suggestion… take her pants off… and her underthings… leave the lights on… stick your face in the general proximity of her genitalia… keep your eyes open… poke around a bit, both of you may enjoy it.