I was watching American Idol last night when this came to me: What about a Butt Plug? Available online or at your favorite adult bookstore.
BTW, I wonder if the flatulence filter really works. If it did, I could finally stop going into the boss’s office to do the deed.
This type of unreasonable demand is, I believe, grounds for divorce in 43 states.
Yes, but why would you want to?
Enjoy,
Steven
The interruptions hurt my productivity.
Main Entry: re·port
Pronunciation: ri-'pOrt, -'port
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English, from Middle French, from Old French, from reporter to report, from Latin reportare, from re- + portare to carry – more at FARE
1 a : common talk or an account spread by common talk : RUMOR b : quality of reputation <a witness of good report>
2 a : a usually detailed account or statement <a news report> b : an account or statement of a judicial opinion or decision c : a usually formal record of the proceedings of a meeting or session
3 : an explosive noise
js, I hope your discretion, better or not, will be to provide your boss with #3.
Just be careful because sometimes a #3 can turn into a #2.
Enjoy,
Steven
I could power a small city with the amount of natural gas as I let out of my fabulous, beautiful ass. Every time my S.O. gives me that “jesus, are you sure you’re not an old man?” look I just give him my best doe-eyed feminine expression and ask “honey, you don’t want me to spontaniously combust do you?”
If that doesn’t work, I threaten to pull the covers over him after I let one rip. 
I am know affectionately as “Swamp Ass.” And everytime my loved one gets a wiff (and, mind you, I’m discreet! I go into the other room and everything, but, alas, it follows me), he gets this hurt look on his face like I have expelled air from my butt just to torture him and cause him untold suffering. Dude! I can’t help it!
Swamp Ass
My husband sometimes has a condition called Smelly Gas Bum. Is that better or worse than Swamp Ass?
The small animal rule can reverse. Our cat ate a very bad mouse, resulting in highly toxic tiger farts. My husband thought I was dying of some dread gastric ailment, but too embarrassed to say anything. The issue was further complicated by the fact that I had had an allergy attack and could not have detected anything more subtle than the cat whooshing around the place on her own jetstream. I proved my innocence by getting out of the house and letting the cat fart with no scapegoat…
Two weeks later I had my vengence. I was trying a new recipe, and inadvertantly invented what is now referred to as “apricot fart bread”.
Surely “cork” is a misspelled word.
A “bad” mouse - that just tickles me, for some reason. “Honey, has this mouse turned, do ya think?”
My husband doesn’t seem to get too embarrassed to question me about my intestinal issues, in spite of knowing that it’s the cats.
Women don’t fart–they glow.
Well, at least, if you light a match at the wrong moment they do. Then you have to go get the fire extinguisher.
The very first time I made beer, it had lots of yeast still alive when it was consumed. Yeasts consume sugar. A byproduct of that is CO[sub]2[/sub]. Live yeast in your GI tract create lots of gas. Lots and lots of gas. My ex and I had “Musical Butts” for a couple of days. We laughed our heads off.
As part of a full physical, had to undergo an untrasound this week. The technician said “Hmmm, I can’t see your pancreas because it’s obscured by bowel gas.” Shortly after, she had to leave to room for a moment. I took this as my cue and unreleased a toot that could have floated the Hindenberg. The tech came back in, repositioned the ultrasound and said “Oh, there it is.”
Apricot fart bread and tiger farts are making me giggle uncontrollably.
lieu, as much as I think you’re pulling our legs on that one, it does my heart good to imagine that it’s true.
My dad’s solution to farting in a movie theater is to turn around and look at the person behind you with a shocked look on your face…
Hey, that’s my favourite Pink Floyd album.
Oh… so that´s what they call it the ones who come from the land down under?