Nature's Perfect Food

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I used to think that pizza was Nature’s Perfect Food. It has all four Food Groups, all at once! A slice is easy to carry around. You can eat it with one hand. It is delicious piping hot, lukewarm, or chilled. You can stack at least three of those cardboard boxes on one shelf of your fridge. It is the perfect choice for breakfast, lunch, dinner, mid-afternoon snack, latenight studybreak, after-event party, spontaneous gathering of friends, wedding reception, or the odd ship christening. Why would humans look anywhere else for sustanance?

Now that I’m watching my weight, though, I find that pizza is a little high in saturated fat. This can be mitigated somewhat if you forgo the sausage / Canadian-bacon / pepperoni Food Group, but then you only have three Food Groups, and really, there goes half the point of eating pizza.

Since giving up pizza as a staple of my diet, I’ve decided that Pop Tarts truly are Nature’s Perfect Food. They store in the cupboard or desk drawer indefinitely. They require only a toaster or toaster oven to prepare. (He who eats his Pop Tarts raw is, IMHO, an uncivilized barbarian, no less the untutored savage than the wild man, innocent of fire, who tears gobbets of uncooked meat from a caracass with his teeth and swallows them raw and bloody.) Two pastries are 400 calories, which is either a kick-ass snack, or a very solid foundation for a meal. And you know in the commercials, how they say, “Part of this nutritious breakfast!” and they show a bowl of Chocolate-Frosted Sugar Bombs, and a bowl of strawberries, and half a grapefruit, and a pitcher of milk and a glass of orange juice and a protein shake and a plate of bacon and a pile of toast and a cup of yogurt and a wedge of honeydew melon? Well, watch a Pop Tarts commercial closely . . . they say “Part of this nutritious breakfast!” and they show: two (2) Pop Tarts and a glass of milk.

I rest my case. Pop Tarts are Nature’s Perfect Food.

But I am willing to consider other contenders. What are your nominations?

2

Accelerade, Endurox, beef jerky and coffee.

3

Beef Jerky. I mean, it’s meat. With hickory smoke. And salt. It’s nature’s perfect salt delivery vehicle, and what’s more, it’s like a barbecue! In your pocket! And you can eat it any time, anywhere, with one hand even. Low fat, low cal, and while you can’t quite drop a few slabs on a plate with a side of home fries and a blob of ketchup, you’re pretty much good to go whenever you want.

I just discovered the gigantic supermarket by my work sells liquid hickory smoke, so I’m going to try and make me some this weekend.

4

The banana, duh. It’s got a nonslip surface, it points toward your mouth to aide eating, it has a latch for easy opening, it’s 3 facets on one side and 2 on the other so it fits your hand…

5

I agree; gotta be the banana. But, a nonslip surface you say…? :dubious:

6

Spinach. It’s great raw or cooked and loaded with vitamins and minerals. Shame it doesn’t come in a jerky or pop tart.

7

Check MPSIMS… read the Kirk Cameron thread.

8

I dunno. The conjunction of “Pop Tart” and “diet” just don’t seem to go together. I got on a minor weight loss kick a few years back and started reading the nutritional information on packages. After reading the one on Pop Tarts, I stopped eating them. It seemed like 1/5 of my daily caloric intake was too much of a sacrifice for the dubious pleasure offered by a couple of Pop Tarts.

I sort of agree with Pizza though, provided it’s hot out of the oven and not one of those wretched cheese slices that’s been congealing in the box for an hour or more.

Then again, close runners up (for taste) are strawberries and sugar snap peas grazed right out of the garden.

9

Breastmilk. My daughter lived on it alone for six months. :smiley:

My other nominees are bing cherries, a ripe peach and a good cantalope. Healthy items that taste good and are good for you.

10

What about sliced banana on a pizza?
ow! stop hitting me! who are these Pizza Purists and who let them in? go hit the guy that puts pineapple on his pizza, you pricks!

11

My sister-in-law once made us chicken banana pizza. It was the most disgusting pizza I’ve ever eaten.

12

diet pepsi, nature’s perfect food.
I need to find some seeds for a diet pepsi tree to plant in my backyard.
but really- no nutrition, a little bit of sweetness, a good dose of caffeine, and bubbles!
okay but seriously, the bubbles make your stomach full so you’re not hungry anymore, the caffeine gives you a little kick so you’re not too weak and tired anymore, and the little bit of sweetness satisfies the sweet tooth so you don’t want candy anymore. And it, by itself, won’t make you fat.

I can’t wait for this stupid play to be over so I can have my diet pepsi back.

13

Bean.

Nearly nutritionally complete. As cheap as it gets. Grown everywhere and beloved by all cultues. Keep for ages. Can be cooked in millions of ways- including desserts.

14

Bean or banana. Though I think banana would win simply because it’s ready to go. No cooking. See how far you get on dry beans!

15

If you stretch the definition of ‘bean’ a little (to include other legumes), you’ve got peanuts, which are quite edible without cooking.

16

What about a bean-nana?

17

Ah, but they provide not just pleasure, but nutrition. Ideally I prefer to get my vitamins and minerals from whole foods rather than enriched white flour products, but if you’re pressed for time and ravenous, you can do a lot worse than Pop Tarts.

18

I gotta say, the operational definition of “nature” some of you folks are using, is a bit odd. Pop Tarts - natural?

19

does a Nelson laugh and points at the ex-mod who fucks up his coding :smiley:

Banana, hands down. Hell, I once read a story about a guy crossing the Sahara in his Citroën 2CV when he ran out of oil. He jammed a bunch of bananas into the oil opening, and the friggin’ thing made it to the next town, hundreds of kilometers away.

Yeah, try that with Poptarts.

20

That’s beautiful.