Well, I see Revtim must have gone to the same school I did.
That defiantely makes the rhyming better. Ah scouts. They also taught me to cuss too.
A famous one, that. The original lyrics begin:
My brother Jack, he went knocking every door
continue suitably modified for person and end:
The moral of the story is - never +++NO CARRIER+++
Here’s a classic:
Down in the jungle, under a tree
Condoms on sale for 50p [1]
Some are a pound, some are ten bob [2]
It all depends on the size of your knob.
[1] Fifty pence, if you were wondering.
[2] Ten shillings, or 50 pence in new money.
And swim between their legs…
I have no idea how I know that.
Sung to “The Battle Hymn of the Republic”:
Mine eyes have seen the glory of the burnin’ of the school
We have tortured every teacher, we have broken every rule
Now we’re marching down the hall to barbecue the principal
Us kids are marching on
Glory, glory hallelujah
Teacher hit me with a ruler
Met her at the door
With a loaded .44
And she ain’t my teacher no more
(She’s on the floooor…)
Sung to the tune of “Alouette”
Suffocation takes coordination
Suffocation, a game we all can play
First you take a plastic bag
Then you put it on your head
Go to bed, wake up dead, ohhh-ohh!
Suffocation takes coordination
Suffocation, a game we all can play
Sung to the tune of “The Addams Family”
The Addams Family started
When Uncle Fester farted
They all came out retarded
The Addams Family!
Driving down the highway
Down highway #4
Loopy cut a fart
And blew me out the door
The wheels started shaking
The motor fell apart
All because of Loopy’s
Supersonic fart!
This is a story of a man named Jed
Bit his dink and now he’s dead
Tah-rah-rah-boom-de-ay
They took your pants away
And while you’re standing there
They stole your underwear
They threw them in the bay
Which scared the sharks away
And when they pulled them out
They smelled like sauerkraut
Do your balls hang low?
Do they wobble to-and-fro?
Can you tie them in a knot?
Can you tie them in a bow?
Can you throw them over your shoulder
Like a continental soldier?
Do your balls hang low?
(substitute “boobs” for “balls” to sing the female version)
Over the hill came piss pot Pete
With fifty pounds of swinging meat
Over the hill came Sally Grass
He stuck his weenie up her ass
Sally Grass, she cut a fart
And blew ole’ Peter’s balls apart!
They just go on and on…filthy kids, we were…
The Popeye versions popular when I was a kid was
I’m Popeye the sailor man.
I live in a pot of jam.
The jam was so sticky
It stuck to my dicky
I’m Popeye the sailor man.
I’m Popeye the sailor man
I live in a caravan
I sleep with my granny
And tickle her fanny
I’m Popeve the sailor man.
[I don’t think ‘fanny’ means the same thing in the USA as it does here in the UK]
Nope 
That’s not part of the Popeye parody. I only know that one from MAS*H, when Col. Potter sang “I love to go swimmin’ with bowlegged women and swim between their legs!”
But the one I remember went like this:
Once I went out swimmin’
Where there were no women
Down by the deep blue sea
Seeing no one there
I hung my underwear
Upon a willow tree
Dove into the water
Just like Pharaoh’s daughter
Dove into the Nile
Someone beat me there
And stole my underwear
And left me with a smile!
Another underwear song:
Tarzan, Tarzan in the air
Tarzan lost his underwear
Tarzan say, “Me no care!
Jane buy me another pair!”
Jane, Jane in the air
Jane lost her underwear
Jane say, “Me no care!
Boy buy me another pair!”
Boy, Boy in the air
Boy lost his underwear
Boy say, “Me no care!
Cheetah buy me another pair!”
Cheetah, Cheetah in the air
Cheetah lost his underwear
Cheetah say, “Me no care!
Monkeys don’t wear underwear!”
When I was a kid in the '60s, some of our schoolyard ditties still referenced World War 2:
Whistle while you work
Hitler is a jerk
Mussolini broke his weenie
Now it doesn’t squirt!
[To the tune of a bugle call I don’t know the name of]
There’s a German in the grass
With a bullet in his ass
Take it out, take it out
Like a good Girl Scout!
And not very naughty, but worth mentioning:
Tramp tramp tramp, the boys are marching
Here comes Hitler at the door
If I only had the chance
I would kick him in the pants
Then there wouldn’t be a Hitler anymore!
<snip>
Next you take a water hose
Stick it up your nose
Turn it on
Then you’re gone, ohhh, ohh!
Also: (can’t think of the tune)
Grandmas in the cellar
Golly can’t ya smell 'er?
Making greasy buscuits with her toes.
Her eyes are full of batter
But it doesn’t really matter
‘Cause the <snort grossly and loudly> is runnin’ down 'er nose.
Down 'er nose!
Down 'er nose!
‘cause the <snort grossly and loudly> is runnin’ down 'er nose!
Very eerie. We used to sing the same thing while playing a hand clap game.
Strange.
Denny Darty had a party
Tutti Frutti was there
Tutti Frutti cut a beauty
And they had to go out for air.
In the “Glory Hallejujah” song there were several different ways of getting rid of the teacher:
Knocked her on the bean
With a rotten tangerine
Hit her in the butt
With a rotten coconut
Found a .22
And put in in her shoe
Met her at the bank
With a loaded Russian tank
Found a hand grenade
And put it in her lemonade
(Yeah, that last verse doesn’t scan.)
And of course there is:
On top of old Smokey
All covered with sand
I shot my poor teacher
With a green rubber band
I shot her with pleasure
I shot her with pride
How could I miss her
She was 40 feet wide
I went to her fun’ral
I went to her grave
Instead of throwing flowers
I threw hand grenades.
We had:
On top of ol’ Smokey,
All covered with snow
I saw Annie Oakley
Take off all her clothes
Along came Gene Autry
And took off his vest
And when he saw Annie
He took off the rest!
Tah rah rah boom dee yay
Tah rah rah boom dee yay
There was a boy next door
He got me on the floor
He said it wouldn’t hurt
He stuck it up my skirt
And then my tummy grew
Now I’m a mommy too.
And one that’s not a song, but for some reason we all said it to one another constantly:
“You’re a supersonic, idiotic, disconnected, brain-infected DUMBBELL!”
Deck the halls with gasoline, fa lala…
Light a match and watch it gleam, fa lala…
Watch the schoolhouse burn to ashes, fa lala…
Aren’t you glad you played with matches, fa lala…
Several nasty variations of Barney’s “I Love You” theme song.
Jingle Bells, Batman smells, Robin laid an egg
Batmobile lost its wheel and Joker got away
(Not nasty, but silly anyway)
Here’s one from camp:
[OLD SEASAME STREET SONG]
Oh, the crack dealer is a person in your neighborhood.
in your neighborhood, in your neigh-bor-hoo-ood!
Oh, the crack dealer is a person in your neighborhood.
in your neighborhood, in your neigh-bor-hoo-ood!
He’s a person that you meet
when you’re walking down the street,
Each day.
OK how wrong is it that I’m thiryfour and some of these still crack me up?
Good thread topic!
I really, really wish I could remember even half the lyrics to my favorite morbid-song-parody-to-annoy-adults-with ever, but alas, it’s unlikely I’ll ever find out how it went.
Psychiatric hospital, in the 'tweens ward. Parody of the “Toys R Us Kid” jingle that spanned several repetitions of the actual song, going on and on about how great it was to be there. I remember it as a thing of beauty, though the bit I remember (replacing ‘I don’t want to grow up’ with ‘I don’t want to get out…’) is pretty damn depressing in hindsight.
Of course, I remember being just absolutely horrified at 9 years old when I first heard “Miss Suzie had a steamboat…” After all, it was almost like you were saying those words.
Mary had a little sheep
and with the sheep she went to sleep
the sheep turned out to be a ram
Mary had a little lamb.
My grandpa taught me this one:
The monkey and the baboon
Playin’ in the grass,
The monkey stuck his finger
Up the baboon’s ass.
The baboon said
“Well, bless my soul!
Get your dirty finger
Out of my asshole.”