I think you hit it right on the head because I know he is still active on the site. I re-activated my profile on OKC a couple weeks ago (but have since deleted it), and he was still active on it, just as you said.
Good luck in your search, by the way! And thank you.
I guy who wants to spend time with you will arrange to spend time with you. Period. I’d write him off unless and until you see signs of actual interest.
(And yes, it crossed my mind that he might be married.)
Seconded. Like ThelmaLou says, when a guy wants to spend time with a woman, he makes it happen.
And welcome to the boards! If you’re looking for strange behaviour, we have all kinds here! 
I’m with you on this. I associate “reach out” with suicide attempts. “The attempt on her life was just her way of reaching out for help.” “If you feel like attempting suicide, reach out. Call the suicide hotline at 1-800…”
As for the OP: I’d say life is too short to waste much time or head space on him. There’s at least another dozen guys who have contacted you as well, right? You can probably do better. This sounds like a guy who’s trying to keep all his options open. What’s that Facebook meme? “Don’t make someone a priority if you’re only an option.”
The other advice I’ve been giving to myself and anyone who asks, wrt people who send mixed messages: If someone is really into you, he or she will close the fucking deal.
Simple and to the point; spot on. Best kind of advice! 
Thanks very much! I love strange behavior (except the one I’m posting about)! Ha ha.
Well, to answer your question, no… I didn’t have too many others contacting me, which made it easier to focus on this guy and bend my mind trying to figure him out. I know now that I can do better for sure. Love the FB meme! I have heard that before; it is definitely true. Thanks!
It’s entirely possible that all the world’s strange behavior originates and emanates from the SDMB.
No kidding. First thought on seeing thread title was how to perform strange behavior, not how to deal with it.
So, I got nuthin’.
Welcome to the board. I don’t know how long you might have been a lurker here, but the general tendency in relationship advice threads here tend towards the dump him/her and move on side. Just a heads up that there seems to be a bias.
That said, your description of events lead me to the same conclusion that you did. He met someone else and ran that possibility out before contacting you again. About the only positive spin I could put on that was that he wasn’t trying to maintain a relationship with more than one woman at a time. Still, it doesn’t really sound like there’s much enthusiasm on either side so I’d let it go and see what other options present themselves.
What would be so wrong about doing what was advised upthread…ask him if he’d like to get together for dinner and give him a couple choices on dates…and then see how he reacts to the direct approach? I think telling a guy you just want to be friends and then wondering why he never calls is a little counter-productive. You said you had a great time on the first date and talked for hours. If you think he’s a great guy, maybe give him the benefit of the doubt and let him know you are interested. Or are you one of those people who simply refuses to do the asking out on the theory that men should always pursue?
Once you have read through the boards a bit, you will find many, many stories about guys (yes, even Dopers!!!) being totally clueless about women, and possibly a bit shy. You know what they say about actors…they are often times very, very shy deep in their heart and the acting is, well, an act. If your friend vouches for him, why not suggest a double date or a group meet-up with her and other couples if you feel the “date” thing is too forward? Or is your on again/off again use of the dating website indicative of some ambivalence towards dating?
This is a possibility. And it’s also possible he’s still seeing somebody but is planning on ending that relationship. So he’s essentially got you warming up in the bullpen. He may be figuring on picking up the pace with you as he winds down with some other woman. By overlapping relationships like this, he won’t have a period of no dating.
Yeah. It sounds like he might really want to get in touch with you, but he’s too shy to get his finger out. And your “wanting to be friends” didn’t exactly give him a green light, either. He could be thinking “I really want to call her! Nah, she’ll think I’m being too forward… I could just send her a friendly and completely noncommittal text message and see if she makes the next move”. Rinse, repeat a couple of weeks later…
Heck, I’ve done exactly that. And, yeah, it does come off as strange and a bit creepy. What can I say, I’m clueless, too.
Or everybody else is right and he’s just a douche nozzle. What do I know?
I really don’t think Martian Bigfoot and **kittenblue **are right…just sayin’. She has used the direct approach. He knows how to go on a date – with her – they had a five-hour date. He’s keeping her around in case. Move on!
Here is a radical thought : put on your big girl panties and ask him.
This is my read on it.
This guy is looking for a less secure woman, he can send mix messages to, ignore for long periods of time so he can enjoy watching her chase after him. Fall all over herself to keep him interested, put in some extra effort. I think he wants a fish on the line to jerk around because it makes him feel desired and powerful.
Thank God you’re not one of those insecure creatures that sharks like this prey on! No, seriously, be thankful!
And welcome to the boards!
He sounds like he’s one of those people who has to be doing something. And when he runs out of things to do and has 5 minutes to spare, he texts random people. People like that find it impossible to sit in silence and just be.
Personally, I’d ignore his random texts. I have better things to do than to relieve someone’s boredom. (Like giving advice to random strangers on the internet!)
But where does the OP say she has used the direct approach after that first date? She keeps putting up and taking down her profile…he probably figures she has found someone else. And when he did contact her, she yanked out the FRIENDS card before he could even ask for a second date! It sounds like she’s waiting and waiting and waiting through all the Hi How Ya Doing Texts for HIM to ask her out, instead of responding, “I’m doing great, hey want to catch a movie and pizza tomorrow night?”
Or did I miss that part?
Yes. Frankly, I think the OP is pulling this string from the wrong end. Who really knows what this guy is thinking? People are weird (that’s why I usually prefer cats).
OP, you need to be proactive. YOU are in charge of this situation. Go do what YOU want. Do YOU want to get to know this guy? Ask HIM out. Take the initiative. The whole “sitting around and waiting to be swept away” approach is so last century.
Of course, he might still be a douche nozzle, but then at least you’ll find out for sure, and won’t have to waste for time and brain power on him.
Hi again. I’ve read the latest posts since I last visited… thank you to everyone who answered. Even the person who told me to put on my big girl panties.
Let me clarify this a bit.
After our first date back in November, we both agreed that we wanted to see each other again. We agreed on it a couple times, actually. I forgot how much time passed after that - maybe a week or a week and a half - and I mentioned again (without any prompting) during a phone conversation that I would like to see him again. He responded by saying, “We will. As soon as everything settles down, it will be easier to arrange.” (whatever ‘everything’ was) I didn’t want to push it since it was about the third time I’d told him, and did not bring it up again. No second date was ever arranged.
Now, six + months later, we have had a similar conversation. Upon his contacting me out of the blue, we exchanged several e-mails before I “friend-zoned” him. We had simply been e-mailing about how life had been and such. At one point, he wrote in his e-mail that he did not want me to feel pressured to keep on writing him, and that he had just wanted to ‘reach out’ (a couple people’s favorite term on here) and apologize when he saw that he had the means. “However, I always enjoy hearing from you, so whichever you prefer,” he added on to that sentence. That was when I wrote back and said I’d be up for being friends.
I said that because I didn’t know what I was feeling (still confused that he’d reappeared after so long), and I was trying to appreciate his gesture as a genuine one, yet didn’t quite trust him, either, so that’s the move I made.
After that, he responded to that message and said we should meet up sometime, that it’d be fun. I responded with my phone number and told him I would like that, and to let me know when he would like to do something. I thought that was direct enough. Maybe not. But again, the ball was in his court. He had no problem asking me out the very first time, so I did not think planning a second date would turn into a long, drawn-out thing. He mentioned for a second time something about getting together and said, “We’ll have to plan something once everything settles down.” (Funny; I’d heard that somewhere before.)
Also, I deleted my profile off of the dating site again not because I don’t want to date, but because I kept receiving slimy messages from other members, and rarely any non-slimy ones.
Anyway, maybe I did or did not deal with this situation as I should have, but I believe that it is time to move on, as others have said. I sincerely appreciate all the advice, as I do not date often so it is good that I had help to things about things from different angles.
And thank you all for the welcome to the boards! I need to spend some more time on here and browse the different conversations going on.
I have to get ready for my 5K tonight - it’s an evening run and I’m already fighting off some drowsiness from spending too long at the bar last night… should be interesting! Have a great weekend, everyone.