It’s always in the last place you look.
-When everything else fails, read the manual.
I´m paying very close attention to this thread, it may save my life one day.
First solve the problem. Then assign blame.
I’m sorry, Annie-Xmas, I have to disagree. Everyone knows, “Solving problems are simple, once the scapegoat has been nominated.”
Never attempt to scuba dive wearing wading boots
The difference is, the bear only eats you once.
And the corollary: RTFB
Read the funny book.
Never start an argument with seven men if all you’re packing is a six-shooter.
An ordinary friend will bail you out of jail. A great friend wil be sitting next to you saying “That was AWESOME !”
Eat a live bullfrog first thing in the morning. That way, nothing worse will happen all day.
Never start a fight with a small man. He’ll kill you.
Put all your eggs in one basket, and watch that basket.
Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice, prepare to die.
Evil is not a thing from beyond, a foe to be vanquished. It is a thing which emerges from within the life of a people. It can only be changed, by changing that life.
If you have to look along the shaft of an arrow from the wrong end, if a man has you entirely at his mercy, then hope like hell that man is an evil man. Because the evil like power… they will talk, they will gloat. So hope like hell your captor is an evil man. A good man will kill you with hardly a word.
Murphy was an optimist.
Kilroy wasn’t there, he lied
Ya can’t git fooled again.
Corollary: Never start an argument with someone who buys ink by the gallon.
If you suspect someone may be a werewolf or a vampire, do not say “Bite me” to them.
If it’s working, don’t fuck with it.
For those of us getting a bit on in years…
Never assume it’s a fart!
In Russia, noun verbs YOU!
Constants aren’t; variables don’t
Get married in the morning. That way, if it doesn’t work out you haven’t wasted the whole day.
If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you’ll look like a dummy and people will try to catch you because, hey, free dummy.
Happiness alone is only good enough if you are a cow.
Patriotism isn’t the last refuge of scoundrels, it’s the first.
Might makes right, if it doesn’t, simply apply more might.
Man will never be free until the last king is strangled with the entrails of the last priest.
Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and good with ketchup.
In the absence of orders, go find something and kill it.
There is no overkill. There is only ‘open fire’ and ‘time to reload.’
He who lives by the sword, will eventually be wiped out by some bastard with a sawn off shotgun.
Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man’s character, give him power.
Pillage, then burn.
A soft answer turneth away wrath. Once wrath is looking the other way, shoot it in the head.
The enemy of my enemy is my enemy’s enemy. No more. No less.
That which does not kill you has made a tactical error.
Women don’t want to hear what you think, they want to hear what they think in a deeper voice.
If one person wants to drink delicious vanilla coke, and someone else wants to drink a big glass of piss, urinating in the coke is not a compromise.
There aren’t any good and evil people. They’re all evil, but some are on our side.
Victory has a hundred fathers, but failure is always an orphan.
God has committed far greater sins than any man who has ever lived, so he has no moral authority to dictate right and wrong to others.
One good rule of thumb is that those who treat a collection of myths like a science book and a science book like a collection of myths are almost singularly ignorant of everything worth knowing in this world.
God shouldn’t have told Adam and Eve not to eat the fruit from the tree of knowledge. He should have told them not to eat talking snakes.
Build a man a fire and he will be warm for a day. Set a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
There are no pacts between lions and men.
The common people want to be governed fairly. The rich don’t want to be governed at all.