Power corrupts. Absolute power is actually pretty neat.
On the other side the grass may be poison ivy
Question reality.
If something doesn’t taste the way it should, don’t eat the rest of it, even if it doesn’t taste too bad. (I learned this one the hard way at age 15 with a tuna salad sandwich made from mayonnaise 6 months past the expiration date)
Corollary: Before eating anything out of my fridge or my mom’s fridge, check the date on it.
Never put off till tomorrow what you can put off till next week, or get out of doing altogether.
Never volunteer if you don’t know what you’re volunteering for.
Ol’ Dad told me not to sweat the details. Later on, Ol’ Dad told me the Devil was in the details. The next day, Ol’ Dad told me, chuckling, “Detail went over Defense before Defeat.” I began to suspect Ol’ Dad was fulla shit.
You can’t get rid of Jerusalem artichokes with a rototiller.
Question authority. Ask me anything.
A sucking chest wound is Nature’s way of telling you to slow down.
If the enemy is in range, so are you.
There is no such thing as friendly fire.
Never share a foxhole with someone braver than you.
The only thing you’ll have an excess of at the front is the enemy.
No plan survives first contact with your superior.
Dagnabbit, I came in here to post this. Ah well, fastest feet get the best seat, at least 92% of the time.
Never pet a burning dog.
A bachelor is a man who’s never made the same mistake once.
Christian Rock is not making Christianity better. It’s only making Rock worse.
Hmm, I seem to have forgotten the advice part.
So if you’re going to get power, absolute power is the way to go.
Which reminds me: Never set the cat on fire.
Ha! I wish I knew the tune so I could sing it.
There is no knowledge that is not power. Absolute power corrupts absolutely. Study hard. Be Evil.
You can find it available for listening on the Mad Mad Music Archive, but that usually requires sitting through part of the show to hear it.
Thanks, I’ll give it a try.
Build a man a fire and he’ll be warm for one night. Set a man on fire and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.
Half of the drivers on the road aren’t paying attention and they might kill you. The other half are paying attention, and they want to kill you.
Don’t ask him if he has a girlfriend. Ask the girl who lives at his house if he has a girlfriend.
Never trust a man with a blanket.
Sell at most one of your kidneys.
The most dangerous soldier on the battlefield is a junior lieutenant with a map and a radio.
You can tune a piano but you can’t tuna fish!
( I can’t remember what album cover that was on )
I know, I know…what’s an album?
Geeze…
Never use a gun as a tool for a home-improvement project.
This guy could have used that advice…
(in the immortal words of Bugs Bunny: “What an ultramaroon”)