Far out ,man. 
Welcome, pull up a cushion and get zen in the circle, man
As a new member, you are tasked with finding the following items:
- They keys to the batter’s box. We’ve been trying since 1973 and still can’t open it.
- 100 feet of flightline. Someone left it near the airport.
- One bucket of prop wash. Also probably found near the airport.
- Holes for the the hole punches. A dozen will do nicely.
- 10 feet of fallopian tube. Don’t ask.
- A left-handed screwdriver. For the sinister tool department.
Thanks and good luck!
Hello, and welcome! Nice to have you along for the ride!
“good luck”. Geez. 
Welcome to the Asylum, lazykitten. The goat is in the room Without a Door. Just look for the one that looks almost entirely unlike the rest of the wall and you’ll have found it. Be warned that you really shouldn’t feed the goat the ice scream as some…unfortunate… side effects have been observed.
Welcome! What kind of books do you like? We’ve got plenty of reading-related threads in Cafe Society.
My brain hurts again!
We have books for that. Nice, soothing, heavy books.
And speaking as a non-reformed antipessimal socialist, there are quite a few good reading threads here. Every now and then I feel the need to dip into a Tolkein thread, and we have… experts… here.
How heavy? Who wrote them? Are they leather bound? Just a few things I need to know. Seriously, there are some really nice people here, I haven’t found them, but there are rumors they exist. ( just kidding, It’s a joke folks)
If you wanted to demonstrate that you got what it takes, it’s not necessary or mandatory of course, ha ha, but it wouldn’t kill you to go through all of my posts and remove any unnecessary profanity. If you want, totally your call. Welcome! in the meantime.
How will ’ lazykitten’ know what profanity is necessary or unnecessary! She will need some kinda game plan. Are you setting her up for failure? Jeez’ am I an alarmist or what? Damn! My brain hurts!
So, couldn’t find the goat. Did find the room Without a Door but only found a morose sheep strapped to a gurney. Decided to not ask questions and left immediately.
Sent from my SM-J700T using Tapatalk
Ravenman, most of that list requires actual going outside on my part… I hope you don’t suffer from high expectations.
bobot all profanity is essential unless it’s in German.
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Like this?
Sent from my SM-J700T using Tapatalk
Ah, there’s your problem. If you were using an SM-J700Tii, you wouldn’t have that problem. The Tii version made BMW’s reputation in the early eighties, and…
What? A car isn’t a mobile device?
How else are we supposed to move the sheep around?
Wait, how are you doing that? That’s not supposed to be physically possible!
Welcome! I’m sure you’re going to like it here. Everybody is very nice!
( Geez, why am I always the one who has to explain the goat and the squid? And nobody even mentioned the barrel! You know the initiation can’t even start until she cleans out the barrel from the last time. C’mon, people, you’ve got to carry your share of the weight! You know how the squid can get. We sure don’t want to go through that again! )
Yeah, nice people, really nice people! I swear!
[spoiler]
You can remain here in the hallway indefinitely. Just because there’s vintage board culture doesn’t mean you have to [del]be its newest growth medium[/del] encounter it or anything.
[spoiler]
You sure?
Bring your straw…
https://www.google.com/search?q=felch+straw+site:boards.straightdope.com&lr=&safe=images&hl=en&as_qdr=all&ei=4wfTWcy6D4fPmwG6r7OwBA&start=10&sa=N&biw=1405&bih=853
[/spoiler][/spoiler]
Nm