Wow. “Purity Oatmeal Family Cookies.” That is an interesting name. Do you have to be pure to eat them? If you try to eat one while smoking a cigarette or drinking an alcoholic beverage, will your pants spontaneously combust? I’m going to make a point of going to Wal-Mart and getting some. I’m positive I’m not pure enough, but I’m going to take a chance.
While many people think that the name refers to ‘cultural’ purity (the proposal that the current world is ‘impure’, and can only be redeemed by a return to an imagined previous state of purity), the name is actully contemporaneous with the late nineteenth century fad for cleanliness-related names.
In my city, there’s a company called the “Sanitary Tortilla Company” (or there was anyway. JohnT can correct me). I guess that was part of the same movement-- we definitely want our tortillas to be hygienic.
However, I think I will cling to the idea of these cookies being only for the pure of heart and conscience. When I get them, I will only eat them while wearing white. 
We are all thankful he wasn’t eating Graham Crackers.
I have their number* and will have them directing you an APPROPRIATE message, tout suite!
I mean, unless you are at least 38.5 years old, which is surprisingly important.