Depends on the YWCA. In Schenectady:
This is separate from their facility for domestic violence victims.
I’ve thought about this, and it’s POSSIBLE that she’s running from an abusive relationship. However, if she is, she’s still probably going about it the wrong way.
And if she isn’t, this is so incredibly poorly thought out. Like others, I thought that this was someone in her teens or twenties, who had little real life experience. At 40, she should know better than to just try to move to a new city without a good cash cushion.
Personally, I think it’s perfectly OK to ask family members for a favor every now and then, so long as you don’t make a career of it. Families do stuff for each other.
Ah, no kidding…I guess that is available in a few states (not Michigan, however.)
I’ve volunteered for the YWCA since April in the DV/SA program and hadn’t heard of the SRO housing.
OP - now that you’ve added more details, I’m with the “hell no” chorus. I see you were expecting to hear from her last night, any updates?
But asking if you can live with someone indefinitely is a little more than asking for a favor.
And IIRC, it wasn’t just you that was moving, correct? You had a spouse who was with you as well. I could see that being even more of an imposition.
But it depends. If someone is a close relative and you’ve had a history of exchanging favors, then I agree that it wouldn’t be that big of a deal to ask if you can crash at their place for a while. But if it’s someone you last saw decades ago and don’t really know well, then it does come across as taking advantage of the whole “blood” connection.
I have three nieces and a nephew. I see them once, maybe twice, a year since I live hundreds of miles away. I imagine that as they get older and want to see the country, I’ll be asked if I can put them up. I will probably say yes if I feel that it’s going to be a short stay (less than a week). Anything longer and it’s gonna be, “Hell no!” My siblings might be a little miffed, but they also know how I am. They’d do well telling that to their kids.
I just wanted to add that it’s not a trivial responsibility for relatives to actually get to know their older relatives before expecting to be welcomed at their door.
I have a whole heap of aunts and cousins that I don’t know much about. They know me from when I was a little kid and from little random stories my parents may insert into Christmas cards. But that’s about it. It would be pretty ballsy of me to ask if I could stay with them right out of the blue. Especially since I would know it would be hard for any of them to say no, even if that’s what they felt in their hearts. I personally don’t think family is obligated to take care of family, but a lot of people do. I’d be a jerk for trying to capitalize on this.
But it wasn’t “indefinitely” - it was until we found an apartment, something that took us under 48 hours. Finding an apartment in a big city is easy if you have some cash (which we did) and are willing to compromise a bit. Besides, my aunt had a big house in LI, with at least one guest room, and my wife and I would have been happy to cook and clean as long as we were there. My aunt and I were never all that close - after all, I grew up in a different hemisphere - but we had always gotten along, and my father and her were raised in a very tight family.
I admit that our situation differed a bit from the OP’s, but still, her refusal led to a major crisis. The funny thing is, my parents were a lot angrier at her than I was.
She stopped a couple hours up the road and spent last night with a friend. She sent me a facebook message asking me if I would go with her today to look at places to rent. I have to work tonight so I wrote her back and told her I wouldn’t be here. She said she’d be in town around noon and asked if she could stop by.
I am not close with my brother and I don’t think she is close with him either. I doubt he even knows she is trying to move.
I think I have decided if she asks, to give her no more than a week to stay with us. I don’t know her husband but the little she has told me about him sounds like he is not physically abusive.
I agree 100% that her plan is not well thought out. This is really weighing heavy on me as i don’t want to see her in a bad situation being homeless and I also don’t want to be her home.:smack:
Our small area does not have anything like a YMCA but we do have an overnight shelter. I can’t see that being an option. Maybe she’ll just decide to go home.
I’ve no idea if this is correct or not but presumably FL doesn’t have a law saying adults need their own bedroom. Kid gets the 1 BR and she sleeps on the couch/futon/fold-out bed. Problem solved.
I don’t think giving her a few days of couch time needs to be such a panic party. It’s inconvenient, but family is often incovenient and usually having family connections is better than not having connections. Having said this there’s got to be more to this story. Her actions, as you describe them, are that of a stubborn 40 YO halfwit. If she is really that foolish and impulsive your time limits need to be hard as iron.
I lived in Florida for 18-ish years and I never heard of any law about kids having to have their own room. However, I have seen rules about rentals saying there must be one bedroom for every 2 people occupying the premises. I don’t know if that’s a state law or something landlords specify.
I have noticed that people tend to cite “laws” to support their personal opinions…
Watching this thread with interest.
My nephew has asked me if he can stay with me for a couple of weeks before he takes up a new job a few hours away.
No problem said I.
Now, girlfriend also seems to be included and I am much less enthused. Still, same spare room is available and if one or two folks use it - same to me.
Hoping that job(s), apparently both have places at a ski resort, work out well.
If not, maybe I will be back here soon looking for advice.
Both are early 20’s, so I am a bit more confident that they just want temporary digs.
Do not know what I would do if they fetch up here after the ski season and want more hospitality. Guess I just wait and see.
Ah. Didn’t think of that.
I find this very hard…meh…impossible…to believe. So now you are dealing with someone that just makes shit up. Red flag.
A friend of mine lives in a town with such an ordinance, but she’s not in Florida, but this does exist in Florida too. It’s from an old HUD mandate called the Keating Memorandum.
It’s called the one heartbeat rule. A couple can share a room (two hearts that beat as one), or one person per bedroom. Many towns have this restriction.
There is no such law and no such HUD regulation
"by Cathy L. Lucrezi, Attorney at Law
When it comes to occupancy limits, it is good to follow the HUD regulations. But what, exactly, are those guidelines? Contrary to myth and rumor, the guidelines do not say “two heartbeats per bedroom”. Instead, HUD recommends basing an occupancy limit on the number and size of sleeping areas or bedrooms and the overall size of the dwelling unit.
Consider two situations where landlords refused to rent a two-bedroom unit to a family of five, based on a “two people per bedroom” policy. The first family was attempting to rent a unit with two large bedrooms and spacious living areas. The second family was attempting to rent a small unit with two small bedrooms. HUD says the first family likely has a claim for discrimination, while the second does not.
The bottom line? There is no clear cut rule. Your occupancy limits should be reasonable. They should be based on size of the unit (how many square feet?) and the number of sleeping areas (i.e., people can use a den for a bedroom). "
People tend to hear about laws and believe them to be true. I hear all the time people say that it’s illegal to leave kids alone in the house who are under aged 8 (or 12 or 13), but there are no such laws, as I’ve posted about before.
Oh, and the Keating Memorandum says that a property owner who wished to restrict occupancy to two peple per room was generally reasonable. But it isn’t required to do so, and there is certainly no one person per room rule.
So a landlord can say only two people per room, CANNOT say only one person per room, and is free to say 100 people per room.
http://www.nmhc.org/Content/ServeContent.cfm?IssueID=151&ContentItemID=1343
Absolutely not true, and you have vastly oversimplified the situation.
The Keating Memorandum was, and still is used as the basis for many ordinances and by-laws regarding occupancy limits, and many landlords have similar policies for occupancy restrictions. As longs as their restrictions don’t violate the law, they can do so.
This gentleman does a very good job of describing how the Keating Memorandum evolved into the basis for the law in Texas
I don’t know the law in Florida, but I know my aunt and uncle were turned down when attempting to adopt the deaf child they were fostering because “he wouldn’t have his own bedroom”. It was ok to foster with him not having his own bedroom, but not for adoption?
I mention the fact of his deafness because one of my cousins (child of the aunt and uncle seeking to adopt) was also deaf; my aunt was very well educated in dealing with deaf children.