I’ve always thought about what past boyfriends have “given” me in the way of new experiences, cultural, culinary, musical, etc., that have enriched my life and stuck with me because those things really did appeal for the long run.
For example:
First Boyfriend: Interest, and finally a job, in commercial audio engineering.
Second Boyfriend: Fun with science fiction stuff, including cons, comic books, and in addition to the sci-fi, punk rock.
Third Boyfriend: Recipe for excellent homemade salsa and homefried tortilla chips.
Fourth Boyfriend: Ability to stand up for myself and be tough in matters of self esteem. That was actually not his intent, but that’s what I got from him.
Fifth Boyfriend: Addiction to folksinger Charlie Zahm (great sailing songs!) and Jimmy Buffett.
Sixth Boyfriend: Mastery of the video game “Unreal Tournament” and the ability to slug more Jim Beam in an evening than I knew to be possible.
Seventh Boyfriend: The ability to eventually drive very long distances without (much) fear.
Eighth and Current Boyfriend: How to finally enjoy myself just the way I am. I know this sounds corny, but it’s really true.
So, what have you all garnered from past girlfriend/boyfriends that made your life better, more fun, etc. Anything?
Things I learned from:
First girlfriend: If she starts crying when she says she’s breaking up with you, then turns around and runs into the girl’s bathroom, don’t shrug and walk away. You are expected to send her friend that’s standing there for that purpose in there to get her.
Second girlfriend: If you walk into a New Orleans strip-joint seven years later and find out that she’s one of the performers, it’s not necessairly a bad thing.
Third girlfriend: If your girl’s dad is a police captain, don’t bring her home really late.
Fourth girlfriend: Taught me how much it can hurt. As Kipling wrote: “And I learned about women from her”
Fifth girlfriend: Red-haired Irish girls from South Boston can be fun!
Sixth girlfriend: Her older sister introduced me to both jazz and folk music. Sometimes I look back and can’t help but think that I was seeing the wrong sister.
Seventh girlfriend: No matter how much you care for each other, if your goals in life are way different, it won’t work out.
First wife: All that glitters is not gold.
Second wife: Some things that glitter ARE gold.
I think that’s quite enough, except to say that the guy who introduced Creaky to Jimmy Buffett’s music did a good thing…
First boyfriend: Crap, I don’t know. I was like 14 or 15. Well, he did show me the true meaning of a bad kisser!
Second boyfriend: He taught me that people from Maine can walk a half mile to my house in the snow with shorts on and not get cold.
Third boyfriend: Brought the joys of country music into my life. Taught me how to be social, open up to people, and make friends. Taught me the true meaning of the word “heartbreak” (but I got him back! I’m so evil.)
Fourth boyfriend: I don’t think he really taught me anything since we were so frickin’ similar. Well, he taught me about the twisted, twisted world of H.R. Pufnstuf. I still think of him whenever I see that gay show on TV. He taught me how much it hurts to know that someone truly hates you. And he taught me how to rebuild bridges that have been burned and learn to be friends again.
Fifth…well I hesitate to say “boyfriend”. We’ll say “Fifth man in raz’s life”. He taught me that when a guy says “I’m really not a bad guy” that he’s lying, and also won’t ever call you back.
First GF: If her mother is an emotional wreck, so is the daughter.
Second GF: Girls are not worth starting smoking.
Third GF: I found I don’t like the “western lifestyle”. Cowboy boots and hats and country music are not my cup of tea.
Fourth GF: Wife #1, sister of #2, . It is possible to absolutely detest someone.
Fifth GF: Almost wife #2. Taught me how to make love to a woman. Just wasn’t meant to be, I have often wondered what life would be like if we were still together.
Sixth and final GF: Present wife. Co-dependancy. We both rely on each other for many things.
1st girlfriend: when she gets pregnant by another guy, and then has her brother tell you, you can pretty much be assured that she’s not going to want you to keep hanging around (Lois)
2nd girlfriend: making out on the bench seat of a pickup truck can be fun - French kissing almost always leads to heavy-petting - parents, from either side, HATE having you make out in their driveway - parents can ALWAYS find you, if you’re not overly creative about where you’ve gone to “park” - writing long, sappy “love letters” can very nearly get you into a girl’s pants (and would have, too, if the opportunity had presented itself) (Stacie)
3rd girlfriend: talking about your ex isn’t stimulating dinner conversation - being a social retard is not going to get you a continual dating experience (Brandi)
4th girlfriend: good friends don’t always make good girlfriends (Heather)
5th girlfriend: dating a girl who actually has a crush on someone else, whom you then help to facilitate into a relationship because you “want her to be happy” sucks, man (Kerri)
(Note that girlfriends 1 thru 5 were all experienced between the ages of 17 and 19)
6th girlfriend (and wife - ONLY wife): sometimes, even if it IS your best friend that’s interested in the girl, you just have to go after what you really want
7th girlfriend: cheating on your spouse is NOT a picnic in the park - marriages can, and do, survive infidelity - sometimes, it’s not entirely the man’s fault (though he may think so) - in some cases, the marriage can come out stronger, but mainly because communication about “forbidden subjects” can now be had without offense (Krista)
8th girlfriend: it IS possible to love 2 women at the same time, just differently, like loving your children - they can each know about each other without reservation - they can even LIKE each other - other people messing in your business can ruin a good thing (Donna)
That’s probably plenty…
I’m quite certain we dated. Your name is Crystal, right? I thought so.
Remember the first time I took you swimming? We walked out on this really high bridge first and I told you sometimes I jumped off of it. You said “bullshit” but then I dared you to jump, so you did. After you popped back up to the top of the water, you yelled up at me: “Oh, hey, I glub can’t glub swim glub :eek:
So after I pulled your soggy butt out, we drove about 15 miles around to the back side of a levee where the water was calm and the bottom had a gentle slope, and I taught you to swim.
You were cool that last day of school, smuggling those four bottles of beer into biology class in that big purse of yours. Remember how we passed ‘em around and everybody had a few swigs before Old Greer got there? We put the empties in the garbage can by his desk. Then when he found them about halfway through class, he just sighed, picked up his stuff, said, “Have a nice summer” and walked out.
How about us winning that dance contest at the Big Dance put on by the Police Athletic League? That was something! Of course, everybody knows that in fast dancing like that, all the guy has to do is make the girl look good. Heck, we had ‘em beat before the music even started, the way you looked in your green dress that night.
Your mom, the nurse, was cool too. Like when she had to work graveyard shift all July and I started staying over. We’d set your alarm clock for 5:00 am and I’d slip out just before your mom got home. Then one time we messed up and didn’t do the clock right and when we woke up your mom was in the kitchen, frying bacon. We were whispering, “OH SHIT” and stuff, but when we came out she just smiled and said she was glad you didn’t have to stay in that apartment all alone every night.
She was cool again, when she called us in there that Friday night in August. Most parents wouldn’t have thought we were important, or wouldn’t have bothered. But she sat us down and explained how Miami just wasn’t working out for her, and y’all would have to go back to Boston. Bummer, but still, she did the best she could.
I know we swapped addresses, but I think both of us pretty much knew there wasn’t going to be a lot of writing going on. I did keep that slip of paper with your address on it in my wallet for five, maybe six years. Thought if I ever got to Boston, I’d just walk up and ring your doorbell. Baltimore’s as far as I ever went in that direction, though.
If you had been able to stay, I’d probably have gone back to school for our senior year. We could have had a ball! As it was, a few days after you left, some guy with no driver’s license and no insurance ran a stop-sign and wrecked my car. My mom started going through another divorce, and Bobby and Judy ran off to Georgia and got married.
First day of school, I got up and got dressed, intending to go to school. Instead I hitched a ride downtown to the Air Force recruiter and got all the papers I needed. Mom had to sign, but after about 30 seconds of talk, she said, “Whatever, it’s your life” and signed off, so I was outta’ there! No harm. Got a GED a year later. Just saved a year, if you ask me.
It’s been great talkin’ to you again, Crystal. Oh, wait a minute, I gotta’ do some countin’ on my fingers here….
So, OK, I keep forgetting how old I’ve become. Crystal was your mom, right? I thought so. And the cool nurse would then be your grandma. Yeah, that’s it!
Thanks, bobkitty, for causing me to remember all that stuff about a red-haired Irish girl from South Boston.
This is really cool to see so many different perspectives on this. Heh. We’ve all been through a lot, ain’t we? Thanks to all who’ve responded so far.
See, I had a theory that probably, no matter how unpleasant or pointless or painful or just not right many past relationships may have been, you could (almost) always get something positive from them.
I think that the life lessons are the most painful, but the payoff, if one pays attention, is getting it right the second or third time… or just eventually. I’m gratified to see that you’re not beating up on yourselves for past mistakes; we’ve all stepped in the relationship shit more than once.
Learning about new foods, music and lifestyles and adding those to your life is a different kind of payoff, but just as valuable and hopefully less traumatic. **
Abbie Carmichael**: actually, learning how to play chess would almost be worth at least one boyfriend. I can’t play chess; never have been able to understand it.
** Glory**: “Righty-Tighty, Lefty-Loosey” is also good, especially when I’m frantically trying to crack open a jar of olives!
John Carter of Mars: “Second wife: Some things that glitter ARE gold.” You betcha, sweetie. I know that about the guy I’m with now. Maybe someday he’ll be able to say that his second wife glitters, too. Oh, yeah, and the guy who introduced me to Jimmy Buffett did a very, very good thing indeed!
continuity eror: I’m sorry, Dude. That does suck. I think that sometimes the sheer sensible normal conclusion that you come to in that case makes it that much harder to bear.
Antigen: Getting a cat out any relationship is very cool. I might have been willing go through an ultimately unsuccessful relationship for a premium feline. Is/was yours a good kitty? Name? Type?
aruvqan: Yes! Stick shift skills! Now that was a boyfriend.
bobkitty: My boyfriend is from western MA and has no accent. Do a lot of the people in South Boston have an accent; you know, like people tend to imitate? My boyfriend’s sons do say “wicked good”, which cracks me up, but no discernable accent. Bostonians I do know have some accent but not overmuch.
raz: HR Pufnstuf? Oh, that is twisted. I wanted to kill that damn Magic Flute. My sister and I are still total Sid and Marty Krofft addicts. Did he trap you into “Sigmund and the Sea Monsters” too? It’s actually a really good show. Mary Wickes ROCKED as the housekeeper.
racer72: “Sixth and final GF: Present wife. Co-dependancy. We both rely on each other for many things.” Actually, that, as you no doubt have found out, may not necessarily be all bad. I have found that empathy and understanding are the shiny side of the codependency coin, at least for me.
DirkGntly: “…good friends don’t always make good girlfriends.” Would that they did. I had just the best guy friend, we had everything in common, and he was tall and blonde and handsome and just the best person, but I had grown up with him, and couldn’t think of him as anything but my brother. One night he kissed me, and I freaked out. That poor guy. But he ended up marrying a nice lady and had four kids, so it’s cool.
What I learnt; boyfriends teach you their annoying habbits and favourite sexual positions. They also teach you that each moment of fun is a good thing.
Then they teach you…That it is mighty good when you can send them home
Either you’re all old farts, or you’re a very promiscuous bunch here.
Short list, but here we go:
First girlfriend: taught me that a little distance is a good thing. Taught me to touch in all the right places. Now that I think back, I wonder how she could have known that kind of thing in such intimate detail in tenth grade. Maybe I should ask.
Second girlfriend: taught me to manipulate. Literally. (“Don’t call too soon. Makes you look needy.” And this was right after I thought I’d so smoothly conned her out of her number and email address in a Starbucks. Oh, I have so many stories.)
Third girlfriend: taught me that #2 was a master (mistress? Doesn’t sound right.) of psychology. That most women are often just as clueless as men in relationships. Taught me to like myself. I’m grateful for that.
First girlfriend: Love may come and love may go, but a fuckbuddy is a joy forever.
Second gf: Olympic table tennis players have really strong thighs. That whole love thing can really hurt sometimes.
Third gf: Some women only want you for your body. To be specific, some women only want you because the particular coloring of your body really pisses off their parents.
Fourth gf: I can be a real bastard to someone who doesn’t deserve it.
Fifth gf: Nothing, but I got a necktie and a nice teakettle.
Sixth gf: Crazy fucks good, but in general, watch out for women in their late thirties who’ve never been away from their parents once in their lives.
Seventh gf, and current wife: Too much to write here.
First girlfriend: If you love someone, you should show it, and not sneak around, afraid of what some jerks will think about you. Unfortunately, I still haven’t mastered this one, but I’m much better.
First boyfriend: Never date someone who is still in love with their last ex, who happens to be your best friend. Also, do not date your best friend’s ex, even if she insists that it’s OK.
Second boyfriend: Some guys just want to get in your pants, and will say all sorts of ridiculous things to try to make it happen.
Third boyfriend: Don’t date guys who are still obsessed with their exes. Have learned this lesson really well now, though it took two people to teach me.
Second girlfriend: Bossy people are a pain. Also, lighten up.
Fourth boyfriend: There will never be anyone else who thinks of you as the perfect combination of youth, intelligence, and beauty. That is all right, though.
Fifth boyfriend: He taught me to read fantasy (he’s indirectly to blame for my Doper name) and that polyamory just doesn’t work for some people. Ironically enough, he also taught me that being jealous isn’t necessarily a bad thing in itself.
Sixth boyfriend: He taught me that some people think they can manipulate everyone.
Well, I don’t think that I’ve learned that much useful stuff from the people I’ve dated.
Thanks to all who’ve responded so far.
