No sweetie, running away and getting married isn't the answer

The BBQ Pit
1

This is a letter to my stupid-ass friend. I apologize for the lack of vulgarity and the length, but I’m pissed…ok here! FUCKINGSONOFABARBARASTREISANDFROZENTAMPONPOPSICLEBITCHCOCKWHOREMONKEYDOUCHE
Dear my best friend since middle school,

Sweetie, we all know you are in love. Yes, you guys have been dating for two years. That’s wonderful!

I’ll admit, although he is one of our friends- none of us really liked you dating him. He changed you- and not for the better. You became snarky, short tempered, and judgemental to all of us and you spent all your time baby talking and being snuggled up with him. Your GPA dropped from a 4.0 to close to a 2.0 because you’d stay up until 4 AM talking on the phone to him. You stopped doing things with anyone but him; and when we’d finally get you to agree to hang out with us, somehow he’d magically show up with you.

That’s fine. You were 16. That level of stupidity is expected from a 16 year old. We figured you would go to college and meet someone who better reflects your personality and shares your life goals. Well, instead of going to UCSB like you wanted, you chose to go to CSUB so you could be closer to him. Your family was a bit disappointed, but that’s fine.

Honey, now you’re about to turn 19. I know at 19 we don’t know everything, but we damn well should have more sense then we did a few years ago.

Look, he got kicked out of junior college for not attending almost the entire semester. His mother, who he lived with, told him to get a job if he wasn’t going to go to school. He applied at McDonalds, Jack in the Box, and Taco Bell. When he didn’t get any of those jobs, he expressed that the job market in our area was completed exhausted of jobs. His mom kicked him out. Rightfully so, if you ask me.

You cashed out all of your scholarship money and gave it to him. Right now he’s living off of the money you earned for your education. Stupid, but whatever.

He asked you to marry him. You said yes. Of course, when he asked he didn’t have a ring, so you went to the mall and bought your own wedding ring (because, you know, he has NEVER had a job and has absolutely no credit). I’m a modern thinkin’ woman, that’s cool. Still a dumb move on your behalf, but whatever. Live and learn and so on.

But, do you know what really bothers me, dear friend? That YOU dropped out of school. You didn’t even take your finals last quarter! You have all incompletes. How stupid are you? You had straight A’s! You dropped out so you can move with him to Texas next month to live with his dad. His dad who has a career working at a home supply store making minimum wage. You have absolutely no intention of ever going back to school and either does your dear fiance. Oh, that’s right. Everything will be ok. His dad MIGHT have lined him up a job at McDonalds…probably.

Your mother is crushed. Her beautiful, brilliant daughter has completely thrown her life away for a bum who is too lazy to even get a minimum wage job. Your mom works at the high school we went to- the high school where I coach a debate team. Are you aware that she’s been sitting at her desk for the past week crying hysterically? All she manages to say to the people that are there consoling her is, “love is blind.” Damn right it is.

You know what’s so ironic? Not three weeks ago we were talking about our other friends who were getting married and you went on and on about how stupid it is to get married at our age. What changed?

I can’t belive you could be such a dip shit. You were the LAST one we would EVER expect to pull this. This whole damn situation would be a whole lot funnier if it wasn’t for the fact that I am going to have to pay to take care of your kids in a few years.

Sincerely,

Your Ex Friend
:mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:

2

She was asked.

It’s always sad to see someone throw away a promising future for a boyfriend or girlfriend. Here’s to hoping she gets her act together.

3

I know that you’re upset at the stupidity of her actions, but why are you declaring yourself her ex-friend? It seems that she really needs a friend right now, and now is not the time to back out.

4

I totally see your point, but she didn’t even tell any of us she was getting engaged…or moving across the entire country. She didn’t even tell me that she dropped out of school last quarter. We all assumed she just had a different schedule then us when we didn’t see her around this quarter. I found all this out from various places: the head forensics coach talked to her mom , one of the debaters had also talked to her mom, and my friend works at the jewellery store where they bought the ring. She obviously doesn’t want anything to do with any of us otherwise she would have at least called.

5

And five years from now, she’s could well be divorced with a kid or two, perpetually broke, and if she’s lucky, working perhaps for eight bucks an hour, stuck in Texas, trying to make ends meet, and busy 25 hours a day.

And that’s when she’ll have to go back to school to get anywhere. I sure don’t envy her. Many people have made it great places from such situations, but it sure isn’t going to be easy.

PS: I’m not judging anything, but alarms are going off in my head about this guy. He could be great, but just from the changes in her personality and the way it seems like he can absolutely control her, I fear the worst.

6

Or, she’s pregnant…

That’s another thing that can change a young girl’s tune in an instant. Sorry to hear about your friend. The good news is that she’s young. If she’s NOT pregnant and just doing this because she’s being an idiot, and if she manages to keep from getting pregnant in the near future, it’s all do-overable.

A divorce and/or a failed relationship and moveaway are all repairable at her age. When I was not many years older than her I was in a relationship with a woman(who had several children), that went predictably sour after moving away from home. After several months of wound-licking I was almost back to normal and learned LOTS of very important lessons.

Sam

7

lel I don’t think you are being any more judgemental than I am. It’s just a stupid situation all around. Although, I get the impression you might think he is abusive in one way or another- I can assure you that isn’t the case. I am by no means saying it is a healthy relationship; he always used to say that if she left him, he’d kill himself (I don’t think he was exaggerating). He would never hurt her though, she is the only important thing to him. He’s waaay overweight (370+) and his doctor said if he doesn’t change things he is guarenteed a heart attack within 5 years. He doesn’t even care about himself enough to make lifestyle changes to guarentee he’ll be alive. All he cares about is her.

Oh…my…GaWd ((hehe)), that’s exactly what I’ve been saying to all our friends. I think she’s pregnant. Why else would they move to Texas? It’s cheaper to live here.

Her sister got pregnant and married at 16. Luckily for her, she married a wonderful, dedicated, hardworking guy. They are still married 11 years later with 4 great kids. I think she is looking at her sister and saying, “Man, I can do that, too!” I don’t think she gets that her sis is a really, really rare case.

8

That woulda been me if not for the luck of the draw on fertility. I got out before I got knocked up. Thank the gods I went away from his influence for a few months, too … knocked some sense right into me.

9

Ah, jeeze, I hate to hear about a young person making such crappy decisions. Looking in my crystal ball, I see her as a single mom ten years from now, pissing and moaning about how hard her life is, and blaming everyone but herself.

One reason that she’s cut herself off from her old friends is that she knows, sub-consciously, just how bad her decisions are and she doesn’t want to admit it to herself. Here’s hoping she figures a few things out in the next couple of years.

10

I mean, one reason might be.

11

DiosaBellissima, I don’t blame you for wanting to cut ties with this friend. There comes a point where you just can’t watch someone ruin her life in such a blatant manner. If you had the chance to talk to her, you’d probably say things that would end the friendship anyway because she wouldn’t want to hear them. I say, let her know that you’re there for her, but don’t coddle her-- be honest. If she needs you, she’ll come back, and if she doesn’t, you did what you could.

12

So, did you actually send this to her?

If not, maybe you should. Sometimes people just need a wakeup-call. I know I did.

I used to be sort of like this guy… lazy, dropped out, couldn’t hold a job (mind you, I never lowered anyone else’s life to that level, nor did I take advantage of anyone on this bastard’s elvel :eek: ). I got a wakeup call from a good friend of mine… 6 months later I had my GED, and now I’m in my own apartment with a job that pays fairly well for my knowledge level. :slight_smile:

Again, if you haven’t send this - send it. But nix the ex-friend part of it until she shows no motivation to change her ways.

13

featherlou I completely agree. She’s slowly pulled away from us over the last several months in particular. And I’m not a betting woman, but if I was- I’d put money on your prediction. My dear friend RandMcNally said it best, “This whole thing would be hilarious if it wasn’t for the fact that we are going to be paying for her kids to live in a couple years.”

Rubystreak You’re totally right about me probably saying something that would end the friendship anyway. I’m a very, very, very blunt and honest person. That’s the exact reason I haven’t called her, I know I will say something stupid. I have called her fiance he has my Chapelle’s Show DVD, but we only talked for a minute.

14

JeffyDMan She wouldn’t listen- trust me on this. She wouldn’t even listen to her own mother, grandmother and sister. Apparently, they are decided. I think at this point it’s more of to prove to everyone that they can.

I get how this might seem like a decent plan in the short term. “Yeah! SCREW 'EM! We’ll move across the country and PROVE we’re grown ups!!” But (and I’m sure they haven’t thought of this) what about long term? Are they always going to survive on minimum wage jobs? Living with their parents (not her parents— her mom has always HATED him. His parents think this is a wonderful idea…probably because he could never do better)? :confused: Bah.

15

[QUOTE=DiosaBellissimaI am by no means saying it is a healthy relationship; he always used to say that if she left him, he’d kill himself (I don’t think he was exaggerating). He would never hurt her though, she is the only important thing to him. He’s waaay overweight (370+) and his doctor said if he doesn’t change things he is guarenteed a heart attack within 5 years. He doesn’t even care about himself enough to make lifestyle changes to guarentee he’ll be alive. All he cares about is her.[/QUOTE]

Okay, first thing, he doesn’t give a shit about her. If he did, he wouldn’t allow her to throw her life away for him. His actions here are totally, completely selfish and don’t you go thinking for a minute that they’re anything but. I assume he knew she was a 4.0 student, aspired to go to UCSB and had a circle of caring friends and family? I also assume he’s aware she initially attended a “lower” school to be closer to him, then dropped out of school all together and is causing more than a little strife with her friends and family? Comon’. This boy (I refuse to call him a man) cares about no one but himself. And the whole threatening to kill himself if she leaves him? Yeah, she’s the one he cares about. :rolleyes:

Of course, she’s to blame here as well, I’m by no means pinning this entirely on him. And she’ll end up paying the price. I guess now we can only hope she won’t completely alienate everyone who cares about her in the meantime. The only thing worse than waking up and realizing “oh god, I’m ruining my life!” is looking around and realizing there’s no longer anyone there to help and support you once you make that realization.

16

While as long as it’s not physically abusive, I’m glad, but I still don’t like this. I mean, he’s letting her give him all her scholarship money instead of hunkering down and really looking for a job? He watches her go to a lower school and drop out because of him and doesn’t do anything about it?

I have to agree, it sounds like the one he cares about is he, himself, and him.

17

Sadly, and despite the assumptions of nearly everyone I’ve ever met, intelligence is absolutely no bar to stupidity. Indeed, some of the dumbest folks I know are also the wisest. Life is weird.

Frankly, if I ever had a girlfriend who wanted to talk to me until midnight every night, let alone 4 am, I’d suggest she think about getting a hobby. Even the people I love probably don’t interest me enough to talk that long on end – if I love someone, it’s enough to be with them. Granted, individuals and/or women may feel different about this. But I imagine I am not so fascinating as to lead anyone to talk with me for whole days at a time.

I’m curious as to your exact relationship with the woman in question. You mention paying money to take care of her kids.

18

She means our tax dollars will support her on welfare

19

lezlers You’re totally right. He’s very manipulative. I guess I meant he’d never physically abuse her. Mental abuse is just as bad- if not worse.

It bothers me that he’s living off of her scholarship money. She wasn’t given that money to support her slacker fiance. What’s worse is: they are using that money now, what the hell are they going to live off of in Texas? I don’t even know how they are paying for the gas to get there. She JUST bought a new car. I have no idea how she plans on making the payments/insurance.
smiling bandit Amen. The smartest people I know totally lack common sense. The thing is, she always had sense. That’s why no one understands her motivation here. And I completely agree about the talking for hours on end thing. My ex and I barely could find things to talk about while we were hanging out (hmm, maybe that’s why we broke up! :smiley: ) let alone for 5-7 hours a night after spending 8 hours a day at school together.

We have been friends since 7th grade. We did everything together: went on trips together, stayed at each other’s houses, talked on the phone, gossiped…all that teenage girl stuff. We were best friends. When she started dating him she started to change…we’ve drifted apart since then.

20

Of course she wouldn’t–they’re her own mother, grandmother and sister. Speaking as a fellow young person–and I’m sure you realize this–we all think we know more than our predecessors who have been there, done that. It’s a good thing we think that, because when we’re right it’s a wonderful thing and we can blaze great new trails, and when we’re wrong we can usually go back and say “Sorry Mom, you were right.”

You need to tell her, because you’re her friend and peer. Maybe she’ll listen to you. If she doesn’t, that sucks. But give it a chance, for her sake and yours.