Boy does this guy sound a lot like my best friend’s worthless older brother.
This guy was always the genius, so smart no-one else could understand what he was going through. Why he needed my friend’s parents to give him piles of money as a student. Why he decided being a student wasn’t right for his mental state at the moment. Why he didn’t get a job. Why he got married, when neither of them had jobs (unless you count leeching off of my friend’s parents as full-time employment).
Meanwhile, my friend, clearly a mental midget compared to this guy, worked his way ploddingly through university, and got some boring jobs to pay for it.
What killed me was how everyone in the family deferred to this guy, and catered to his demands - he acted as if he was made for finer things than a grubby life of toil, and they seemed to believe it.
I by no means was advocating for the OP to do anything that would get her into trouble. I believe the board rules prohibit personal fights amongst posters. Unless the OP’s friend is a poster here, which I doubt, I hardly think it’s against board policy to merely show someone a thread. I’ve seen this very suggestion given multiple times in various threads in my time here with nary a protest.
Of course, if the friend does have this “us againt the world” mentality working (which is highly likely) then it probably wouldn’t do any good anyway. She’s probably not smart enough to utilize the “if every last person thinks this is a bad idea maybe it is” evaluation method.
I think he was probably referencing the fairly recent vanilla banning, where showing a thread to someone not associated with the board led to someone else registering to post and there being a huge, nasty dogpile on that person. So, if the OP shows this thread to her friend, and her friend shows it to Fatboy, or other friends, or whatnot, and those people take umbrage and show up here and a fight breaks out…let’s just say that it’s not inconceivable that she could get booted for setting up a “let’s you and them fight” scenario.
And yeah, I’ve seen lots of people suggest showing relevant folks in real life threads about personal issues with nary a protest. But, well, that was then and this is now, so to speak. And now we’ve got a precedent of someone actually taking that advice and it turning out very, very badly.
I’m gonna make a copy of the OP and accidentally leave it out for a special someone to read in my own household. I see some similarities of the OP in (fortunately) the early stages with my son. The grades, blowing off homework to be on the phone for hours, etc.
MaxTheVool Shhhhh!!! We’re trying to recruit new people to work in the oil fields!!! Don’t tell him about my plan!
Dangerosa You know, the strange thing is that she doesn’t want to change him. In our Shakespeare class we were talking about love and blah blah. She said how she was once told (by her fiance, of course), “Love is where the person you love would change for you, but you wouldn’t ever want them to.” Then she went off on some tangent about how she wouldn’t change her boyfriend for a thing in the world. Izzybella I’ll certainly never turn my back on her, but I’m not going to actively seek out her friendship. No friendship should ever be like that; it’s a two way street and such. If she needs me, I’m here. She knows where to find me.
Yeticus Rex Glad I can help, but he probably wont listen. “You guys just don’t understand!!! This is different , we’re in love !!!” Dumb ass teenagers. I am one, so I can say that.
So she’s really book smart, had common sense BEFORE she met this guy…but how is her self-esteem? If it has always been low, that could be a huge part of why she’s doing this. Maybe she knows that he isn’t that wonderful, but she thinks so little of herself in a romantic or relationship sense, that she feels like she needs to do whatever she can to keep him because she figures she can’t do any better.
I’m not excusing her behavior, she needs to pull her head out of her ass, but I can relate to it…
Oh it’s quite the story…leading up to the two of them dating, that is.
We were freshmen, her first bf was a senior. He ended up dumping her because they had nothing in common (ftr- I don’t think they even kissed). She was heartbroken even though they’d been dating like a month. The day after they broke up, this other senior swung in to “console” her; he had a girlfriend. After a while, his girlfriend found out and he ended it with my friend (I didn’t know about all this until after the fact, she didn’t tell anyone). Anyway, she was once again heart broken. The next day fatboy (great nickname, btw) swung in and told her…and I quote, “Let me show you how a princess like you deserves to be treated.”
She never had a real relationship before this…although, I’m not sure you can call this a real relationship either.
He still lives at home with her, but she isn’t happy. She is really upset about paying his bills (yes yes, there is an easy way for her to rectify this), but I can understand where she is coming from. Originally, they were leaving for Texas on the 1st of Feb, then the 14th (aw! how poetic!), then March 1st, then the summer, now Feb 26. Anyway, she agreed to pay for his shelter and such until the first of Feb.
My dear friend has decided that she will transfer to the University of Texas in the city they are going to live in when ever they get settled (this was said with much sarcasm from Mom-in-law).
Mom doesn’t get how they plan on paying the bills or getting by; she is counting on that they will be coming back in a few months. She also totally agrees that they are in a “us against the world” mentality. As she put it, someone told them “no” and now they have to prove a point.
Oh yes, there will be 7 people living in the 3 bedroom house in Texas. Fun times. One is a baby. One is a child. Five are full grown adults.
And finally, the reason Mom was backing the marriage: they will be living under one roof together, you know what happens when people live together :rolleyes: . I think it’s a pretty silly reason, but I totally respect her religious beliefs and can completely understand why she feels this way.
DiosaBellissima, can I ask a question? (there’s one…, but I mean a different one.)
What is your friends relationship with her father like?
As the father of 1 (and soon to be 2!!) daugthters, I don’t know what I would do in this situation. I screwed up in my teens and early 20s and was able to pull it together before I turned thirty, but still. I would want to lock her away, even though I know at 19 that is not an option (or even a wise thing to suggest). So I just want to understand why someone like your friend would do something like this.
The father thing is an interesting point, actually. Her parents were divorced by the time she was 5, I believe. Dad wasn’t really in her life- up and moved across the country one day and she didn’t see him for a few years. He came back to town with his new girlfriend and my friend saw him pretty often. He had a good job but never, ever paid child support. One day her mom went to the DA and filed for her back child support (since she knew he had a good job). He quit his job and literally became homeless (living out of his car, then his bicycle) just so he wouldn’t have to pay child support.
Wow. Reminds me intensely of a couple I know. Though they’re both more like the boyfriend, neither one of them ever having been particularly success-oriented. They exhibit a total lack of personal responsibility - fiscal, interpersonal, whatever kind - and constantly change jobs/switch apartments because there’s always some irreconcilable difference between them and the landlord/employer. I believe the husband of the pair has turned to illegal activity to supplement their income. (Or so he’s said to me, in any case.)
I pretty much just threw up my hands and only interact with them in limited circumstances.
