Non-heterosexual women of the SDMB: A Poll

In My Humble Opinion
101

Dear gods, not this thread again! :stuck_out_tongue:

Note me freaking out in my first response to it. My head hurts.

102

Oy, I know. I just reread my response; jesuschrist do I sound like an ass. ::hangs head in shame:: Can I have a do-over?

103

It’s even worse if you know that that post was my coming-out post on the SDMB. shakes head I should have just started a thread.

And… eheh… sorry about that crack about Wisconsin…

Yeah, I think we both deserve do-overs. I’ll put my revised answer up in a bit, I want to put some actual thought into it.

104

Go for it- I’d love to read 'em.

Welcome to the boards, spliftd. I knew I’d get more of my friends around here if I started sending you all links… :wink:

105

Go for it- I’d love to read 'em.

Welcome to the boards, spliftd. I knew I’d get more of my friends around here if I started sending you all links… :wink:

106

Ok, here goes:

  1. I’m a dyke!

  2. #1 back and sides, blended through at the back. Top is about two inches long (more like 1 inch when it’s cut)

  3. At the moment, it’s bleached almost white. Normally it’s dark brown. I did have the top dyed blue for a while, which looked very cool indeed, but sadly, faded unevenly and made me look like a demented soccer ball.

  4. I play volleyball. Indoor. Passer/hitter. There is no other sport!!! I’m playing in the Gay games this year, sadly as a free agent as Brisbane is populated by pikers who don’t want to compete :frowning:

  5. Yes, yes yes! LOLOL I have pics on my page (http://www.maxxxie.net) which will confirm this :slight_smile:

  6. Yes, only because I’m a hairy wog and it looks bad with volleyball shorts.

  7. No head, yes armpits - see above.

  8. The incestuous nature of our community shits me - Brisbane has such a small lesbian community, it seems I know everyone or everyone’s ex.

  9. Hmm. That’s a tough one. I guess something that looks really spiffy on me - that could be my dark blue trousers, white shirt and vest. Or possibly my black pants and tight black shirt :slight_smile:

  10. Never. Not once. Ever.

  11. Hmm. I wear doc martens, dress butchy, have a butch haircut… though most of my friends wouldn’t describe me as butch so much as… “soft butch” LOL I drive a stationwagon, I have two dogs (that apparently are child substitutes). I walk like a dyke!

  12. Melissa Etheridge, kd lang (early stuff, the later stuff sucks, actually ditto ME), some Ani DiFranco, 2 Nice Girls (WHY did they have to go and break up), Blue House

  13. I’m told I’m soft butch. I don’t go for girly girls. I go for other soft butches. That’s all I have to say about that. To each her own :slight_smile:

  14. No, I’m a godless heathen!

  15. Hmm. Equal rights as they pertain to marriage and parenting. I believe more in equal rights for everyone than in necessarily pushing one group’s agenda. EVERYONE should be entitled to marry the one they love. Everyone should be entitled to produce and raise a child.

  16. Pretty good, though I often get false positives from married netballers with five kids. What’s that about???

  17. Oy, don’t get me started. See point #8.

  18. Seems to be serial monogamy, though I’m currently giving casual non-commital sex a go. Had my heart broken at the start of the year and am not prepared to do that twice in one year. Gotta give my heart time to recover!!

  19. Years ago I dated men. Specifically, I bonked three boys. Stopped those shenanigans when I was 17 and haven’t looked back.

  20. I hate being some straight slob’s fantasy. NO! I do not want you in bed with me and my current bonk! NO! You may not watch! NO I don’t care if it gives you the horn. Go somewhere else!

  21. My coming out story is lame. Told my dad via email as I’d been elected the uni queer club’s secretary. Felt it only fair to let him know. Told my mum over dinner. Both of them gave me the “we already knew” speech, followed by me going “couldn’t you have told me sooner” :stuck_out_tongue:
    phew that was an epic. Hope that covers it all :slight_smile:
    Max.

107

  1. What do you identify as?
    Queer

  2. How short is your hair?
    Very long

  3. Is it a natural color?
    Yes

  4. If you play sports, what are they?
    Rock climbing, badminton, tae kwon do

  5. Do people look at you and think you are terribly terribly gay?
    They think I’m straight

  6. Do you shave your legs?
    When I have the time to do so, yes.

  7. Your head? Your armpits?
    Not the head, always the pits

  8. What about the queer female community annoys you?
    They are hostile because they think I’m “straight but just
    experimenting” (they usually don’t realize my queer relationships
    have all been long-term)

  9. What is your idea of dressing up?
    Either a very nice, sexy suit. Often floor length dress.

  10. Do you wear makeup?
    Rarely. And only a touch when I do.

  11. What are “stereotypically lesbian” things that you do/wear/eat?
    Combat boots. Use power tools a lot.

  12. What queer/ friendly female recording artists do you listen to?
    Lorna Vallings, Catie Curtis, Ember Swift

  13. Any thoughts on the butch-femme thing?
    Tends to be a generational thing from when visibility was more important.

  14. Were you a repressed Catholic schoolgirl?
    No. Came raised in an agnostic household. Always liberal and
    queer-friendly parents.

  15. What do you feel are three very important queer woman issues?
    Same issues for women in general.

  16. How good is your gaydar?
    Exceptionally good.

  17. How “incestuous” is your dating scene?
    Was far worse in the smaller town of 300 000, but it still seems
    that “everyone knows everyone” through less than six degrees
    of separation. Never dated anyone my friends (or exes) have
    dated though.

  18. Describe your dating patterns. (U-Haul, serial monogamy, whatever.)
    Serial monogamy, long term usually.

  19. Did you/do you date men? How’s that working for you?
    Yes, but not currently. Works/worked just fine. (Like comparing
    apples to oranges, really.)

  20. Any thoughts on good and bad representations of queer woman in popular culture?
    Bi-sexuality is incredibly difficult to represent without resorting to
    poly-relationships or taudry menages a trois. A bi woman walking
    down the street holding her girlfriend’s hand “looks like a lesbian”.
    Walking down the street with her boyfriend “looks like a straight couple”
    so it’s difficult to portray “bi” without defining the role in terms of two
    simultaneous partners of both gender. I don’t think that the “fault” of
    popular culture, I think it’s just a difficulty that has not yet been suitably
    surmounted.

and in closing,

  1. Tell me a coming out story. Doesn’t have to be yours. Funny, tragic, whatever.
    My ex came out to her parents by showing them my photo and sayong: “This is my girlfriend…”
108

Interesting how in this day and age there is still such non-acceptance, even amongst the parents! I don’t get it.

I’m het, and the thing that bugs me the most in the gay community is that (at least in my experience) once they come out, they hang exclusively with gay chicks and dropped us straight chicks like hot potatoes. My feelings are hurt.

109

I filled it out again but don’t feel comfortable posting it here. It’s full of a lot of ramble. If anyone sorely wants to read it, you can always e-mail me.

110

Perhaps in your experience, but that’s not the case in either my experiences nor my girlfriend’s. Both our social circles refelct the demographics of the general population, though admittedly, the “queer-quotient” is probably a few percentage points higher. All my straight friends are still my straight friends and my gf and I don’t particularly go out of our way to hang with just the queer community.

Or to put it another way: I’m hispanic, but I don’t hang out exclusively with other Spaniards either.

111
112

I think it may be just as true to say that once they come out, the straight chicks drop them like hot potatoes, leaving them with no one but other gay chicks to hang with.

113

I haven’t had quite Lamia 's experience, but I would say that it’s kinda like when straight girls ditch their queer friends for boys

I have lots of straight and queer friends, but just like sometimes my straight friends go to frat parties to pick up guys(without me, thank goodness, no offense to lesbian fratboy andygirl,)sometimes my straight friends don’t want to hang out with me and a crowd o’ queers… and how am I supposed to get a girlfriend if I hang out with a ‘straight crowd’ most of the time? Oy. It’s too complicated…

114
  1. What do you identify as?

Weird asexual.

  1. How short is your hair?

Wet, it’s a little past my earlobes. Dry, it’s a big-ass afro with shaggy bangs.

  1. Is it a natural color?

Yep. Dark, dark brown.

  1. If you play sports, what are they?

No. I’m very clumsy, but I do like to take long walks and go bike riding.

  1. Do people look at you and think you are terribly terribly gay?

I don’t know. They probably think I am because I’m not very feminine, I don’t have a boyfriend, and I don’t gush over guys. But I’ve never been confronted by anyone.

  1. Do you shave your legs?

Reluctantly and only when they are going to be exposed in public. Which is rare.

  1. Your head? Your armpits?

I had a buzz cut once but I suppose that doesn’t count. And I only shave my armpits when I’m going to wear a tank top. The hair on my head bothers me more than the hair covering my lymph nodes.

  1. What about the queer female community annoys you?

Nothing really. Maybe the fact that it’s most visible representative is Rosie O’Donald? I don’t know.

  1. What is your idea of dressing up?

A skirt long enough to cover my muscular calves, Teva sandals, a nice pastel-colored blouse, and little earrings.

  1. Do you wear makeup?

Only lipstick, and only when my lips are looking particularly pale and chapped.

  1. What are “stereotypically lesbian” things that you do/wear/eat? (Expansive question, I know, but work with me. )

I am much more stereotypical gay male than lesbian. I listen to show tunes and disco. I adore Bette Midler and the Supremes. In my fantasy world, I would be a choir conductor. But I guess my tom-boyishness and my awkwardness around men fits in with the lesbian stereotype.

  1. What queer/ friendly female recording artists do you listen to?

I have a Mellissa Etheridge tape and a couple of Indigo Girls and Tracey Chapman songs saved on my computer.

  1. Any thoughts on the butch-femme thing?

I wish there were more androgenous women like myself.

  1. Were you a repressed Catholic schoolgirl?

No, I’m not Catholic. But I used to covet Catholic schoolgirl uniforms, which is strange since I rarely wear dresses.

  1. What do you feel are three very important queer woman issues?

I don’t know. Maybe freedom to be who you are without getting negativity about it?

  1. How good is your gaydar?

Bad. I just assume that everyone’s straight until they say so (unless they have a rainbow sticker on their car…that’s easy).

  1. How “incestuous” is your dating scene?

I’ve never dated anyone in my whole life, nor had the desire to do so.

  1. Describe your dating patterns. (U-Haul, serial monogamy, whatever.)

By myself. All the time.

  1. Did you/do you date men? How’s that working for you?

No, never. I’ve never really clicked with men. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that when I was growing up, all of my tormentors were guys. Also, I think men consider me pathetic and unattractive (I have the nerdy/small breasts/uncombed hair/ goofy walk/bad fashion sense thing going for me). I get hit on by guys when I put on a dress, but rather than flattering me, it frightens and annoys me.

I can recognize that some men look better than others (Lenny Kravitz is much better looking than Eddie Griffin), but I’ve never felt sexually or emotionally attracted to a guy. Which makes me feel sad sometimes.

I haven’t been physically attracted to women either, but I’ve definitely had emotional feelings for them in ways that I can’t say I’ve had for guys.

  1. Any thoughts on good and bad representations of queer woman in popular culture?

I think gay women who come back and renounce their gayness to the media need to be ignored. I think they do more harm than good.

  1. Tell me a coming out story. Doesn’t have to be yours. Funny, tragic, whatever.

I had a major crush on someone and came very close to telling her so. She was a woman more than twice my age, married, with kids. I never told her but my experience with this person has made me realize I feel more comfortable around older women than younger women.

115
  1. What do you identify as?

Bisexual with a low sex drive

  1. How short is your hair?

At its shortest - nape of my neck. At its longest between the points of my shoulderblades. It’s a little longer than the nape right now. With bangs.

  1. Is it a natural color?

Currently, yes, but only because I can’t afford my colorist right now. :slight_smile:

  1. If you play sports, what are they?

Sports? Wa-ha-ha…I swim, occasionally.

  1. Do people look at you and think you are terribly terribly gay?

I doubt it - not since Jr. High, anyway.

  1. Do you shave your legs?

When I remember to or when I have a special event upcoming.

  1. Your head? Your armpits?

No, though I’ve thought about it, and Yes, religiously, but that’s because if I don’t I get itchy pits.

  1. What about the queer female community annoys you?

I haven’t had enough of a chance to experience it to have annoyances with it, although the whole women/womyn thing gets on my nerves from time to time.

  1. What is your idea of dressing up?

Oh, well, that depends on my closet and where I’m going. Since it’s summer, my red lace dress; when winter rolls around I’ve a black velvet number that I love…

  1. Do you wear makeup?

When I remember.

  1. What are “stereotypically lesbian” things that you do/wear/eat? (Expansive question, I know, but work with me. )

:confused: I’m not sure, although someone mentioned Hummus earlier.

  1. What queer/ friendly female recording artists do you listen to?

k.d. lang, occasionally, but for the most part I really don’t like female recording artists. I just don’t particularly care for womens singing voices…except Melmonster of Three Alarm Fire, but that’s a whole 'nother story.

  1. Any thoughts on the butch-femme thing?

Please. Why should anyone have to live up (or down) to a stereotype?

  1. Were you a repressed Catholic schoolgirl?

Nope.

  1. What do you feel are three very important queer woman issues?

Women’s Health, women’s health, women’s health.

  1. How good is your gaydar?

Excellent.

  1. How “incestuous” is your dating scene?

I don’t have a dating scene, so not incestuous at all.

  1. Describe your dating patterns. (U-Haul, serial monogamy, whatever.)

None.

  1. Did you/do you date men? How’s that working for you?

Nope.

  1. Any thoughts on good and bad representations of queer woman in popular culture?

I’d need to settle in and study them to do this, and it’d end up being a thesis…
and in closing,

  1. Tell me a coming out story. Doesn’t have to be yours. Funny, tragic, whatever.

Well, I was involved in a UU/UCC Our Whole Lives group and outed myself there. I ended up in tears for no apparent reason. It was weirdly the hardest and most liberating thing I’ve done.

116

Hey, it was bumped … now I can answer too! I really enjoyed reading the other answers.

1) What do you identify as?
Lesbian, although I do not find men repulsive at all.

2) How short is your hair?
quite short

3) Is it a natural color?
yes, my natural color: dark brown

4) If you play sports, what are they?
Volleyball (the cliché! :D)

5) Do people look at you and think you are terribly terribly gay?
no … though I do set off gay people’s gaydar

6) Do you shave your legs?
yes

7) Your head? Your armpits?
Armpits yes, head no

8) What about the queer female community annoys you?
I have never much been an active member of the lesbian “scene”, but it seemed to me that everybody there had once been involved romantically with everybody else.

9) What is your idea of dressing up?
I try to avoid that at all costs, but if I have to I wear a business suit (either with pants or skirt)

10) Do you wear makeup?
no way

11) What are “stereotypically lesbian” things that you do/wear/eat? (Expansive question, I know, but work with me. )

I wear my key on a carabine. I am good with tools. I wear men’s shoes, men’s watches, pants & t-shirt most of the time.

12) What queer/ friendly female recording artists do you listen to?

When I was in my teens, I discovered all these cool singers that I really liked. Later I found out that they were all lesbians! The fact that I even discovered them is worth mentioning, as they are not nearly as popular over here. Tracy Chapman, Melissa Etheridge, Indigo Girls, kd lang, Horse … When “Fast car” came out in Germany it was a huge hit, but everybody thought it was a male singer (this was before MTV, so it was on the radio most of the time). The same thing with Horse “Sweet thing”. Everybody laughed at me because I would insist that these singers were female!

13) Any thoughts on the butch-femme thing?

I think that there is always 1 partner in a relationship who is more active and 1 who is more passive. Daily jobs are shared or split. Depending on who does what, 1 partner may appear to outsiders to fill the traditional role of the male. This is just a superficial observation and also irrelevant.

14) Were you a repressed Catholic schoolgirl?
no, not at all. My first sexual encounter was at age 21, but not because I was repressed.

15) What do you feel are three very important queer woman issues?
Safety from harassment
adoption
gay marriage

16) How good is your gaydar?
Quite good.

17) How “incestuous” is your dating scene?
I never belonged to a dating scene, but the few times I have been clubbing/partying in the lesbian scene I noticed that everybody seemed to be everybody’s ex.

18) Describe your dating patterns. (U-Haul, serial monogamy, whatever.)
3 times trying to “convince” a curious heterosexual woman, spent more than a year on each one -> a very frustrating experience. Now happily living with my GF of 5 years.

19) Did you/do you date men? How’s that working for you?
Dated two guys. One gave me my first tongue-kiss (ewww! leave my tonsils alone!) and was subsequently dumped. The other was my room-mate and more of a f***-buddy than a date, though we never went all the way. It felt like having sex with my brother. And again, my tonsils were thoroughly bruised in the experience.

20) Any thoughts on good and bad representations of queer woman in popular culture?

not really …

21) Tell me a coming out story. Doesn’t have to be yours. Funny, tragic, whatever.

I was “outed” on a birthday party at the age of 16. I had this huge crush on a girl sitting next to me in class, and - innocent and naive as I was - stupidly told her. Unfortunatley her best friend was my worst enemy, who of course had a field day with this info. She grabbed the first opportunity at a party that week (everybody from my circle of friends was there) to yell at the top of her lungs “did you know that DemonSpawn is a lesbian?”

I did not say anything … everybody was quiet for a moment and then normal conversation resumed. I lost about 60% of my friends, although I know now that they weren’t worth knowing. It was difficult for me but at least I found out that there were some real friends who cared about me.

117
  1. What do you identify as?
    people-oriented :slight_smile: . . . I’m bi, actually
  2. How short is your hair?
    About four inches long, but really fluffy
  3. Is it a natural color?
    not at the moment
  4. If you play sports, what are they?
    I rollerblade and bike . . .
  5. Do people look at you and think you are terribly terribly gay?
    Not really.
  6. Do you shave your legs?
    On occasion
  7. Your head? Your armpits?
    My pits yes, otherwise I get that scuzzy sweaty feeling. I have shaved my head, but have no plans to do so again in the near future.
  8. What about the queer female community annoys you?
    I have two words for you: woman. women. Get it right!
  9. What is your idea of dressing up?
    Depends on where I go. miniskirts, club clothes, army pants with a clean shirt and tie.
  10. Do you wear makeup?
    On special occasions. It makes me feel pretty. :wink: But it’s too much hassle to wear on a regular basis.
  11. What are “stereotypically lesbian” things that you do/wear/eat? (Expansive question, I know, but work with me. )
    Um . . . hit on women? Shave my head? Wear combat boots? I don’t eat much red meat, but I’m not a veggie and never will be.
  12. What queer/ friendly female recording artists do you listen to?
    Ani Difranco, Paula Cole . . . Madonna? 80’s madonna, not the 2002 sequinned version.
  13. Any thoughts on the butch-femme thing?
    Foolishness.
  14. Were you a repressed Catholic schoolgirl?
    Yup. First communion was a part of the grade two curriculum.
  15. What do you feel are three very important queer woman issues?
    The same as queer man issues: equal rights and acceptance. Other than that, we’re all just folk.
  16. How good is your gaydar?
    so-so
  17. How “incestuous” is your dating scene?
    fairly
  18. Describe your dating patterns. (U-Haul, serial monogamy, whatever.)
    U-Haul? Should I even ask? I tend towards serial monogamy, but I’m up for casual dates.
  19. Did you/do you date men? How’s that working for you?
    Yup. It’s stressful. There are rewards, but there are also times that I’m tempted to give up on the Y chromosome entirely.
  20. Any thoughts on good and bad representations of queer woman in popular culture?
    Bull-dyke is a bad stereotype. Likewise the femme. Just get on with it already.

and in closing,

  1. Tell me a coming out story. Doesn’t have to be yours. Funny, tragic, whatever

Read anything by Rita Mae Brown. Lesbianism (and I mean, cool lesbianism) abounds.

118

Uh oh. This thread is back? What on earth did I say here?

Well. :smack: Who knew?

:smiley:

119

Daer, only FAIRLY incestuous? Gimme a freakin’ break. Maybe not the bi and lesbian girls among us, but… come on. You can barely pick two people at random who haven’t slept with each other.

120

So what does “U-Haul” mean, anyway?