That’s a slightly modified version of my favorite joke about my ethnicity. My version was how many it takes to get the Irishman to leave. Dropping down the list a bit to another favorite:
Two Irish nuns are walking down the street when a drunk comes out of the pub on the other side. Seeing them, the stumbling drunk whistles and shouts “Show me yer goods!”
The younger nun of the pair has only recently taken her vows. Unsure of how to respond she turns to her older companion to ask. The older nun tells her, “Show him your cross.”
“Listen wanker. Shut up or I’ll come over there and punch your teeth down your throat!”
Turning back to the older nun, “Cross enough, sister?”
An Irishman was flustered about not being able to find a parking space.
“Lord,” he prayed, “I can’t stand this. If you open a space up for me, I swear I’ll give up drinking me whiskey, and I promise to go to church every Sunday.”
Suddenly, the clouds parted and the sun shone on an empty parking spot.
Without hesitation, the Irishman said: “Never mind, I found one.”
A very drunk Irishman is sitting at the bar in a New York pub, when another man, who is very obviously homosexual, sits down next to him. The gay man drinks a few cocktails, then gets up the nerve to whisper in the drunk Irishman’s ear: “May I offer you a blow job?”
The Irishman, enraged, leaps from his stool and beats the gay man severely, drags him to the door and tosses him out into the cold, then sits back down at the bar and orders another drink. The bartender looks at him and says, “Wow, that guy really pissed you off. What did he say to you, anyway?”
The drunken Irishman replies: “I don’t know…something about offering me a job.”
A man concerned with getting a proper circumcision for his son goes to a Synagogue and asks the Rabbi, “How much is it for circumcisions?” The Rabbi replies; “Not much at all, I only keep the tips”
Unless you got called away in the middle of typing it and Mick responded with something along the lines of “Sure, and 'tis a shame there are only the two of us.”
An Irishman is walking back to his car and he sees a policeman writing a ticket.
Policeman: Sorry sir, you can’t park here on Sunday.
Irishman: What?! How was I supposed to know? Nobody ever told me that!
Policeman: Wait are you talking about? You parked illegally in the same place last Sunday and I let you off with a warning.
Irishman: But that’s where you’re wrong – that wasn’t me you were talking to, it was my brother! I know, because I was standing right next to him and I heard the whole thing.
In general terms, the second part works in any combination so long as it’s not the ideal configuration. You could start from “the perfect restaurant: Catalan absent owner, Basque cooks, Andalusian waiters.”
In terms that can lead to a lot of yelling, the same obsession with money (1) and with going back to every goddamn single thing, item and detail that has already been hashed in every goddamn single previous meeting (2) is not very conductive to either coming up with revolutionary designs or being able to finish the blueprints for them.
1: take any jokes about [ethnic group] and fondness for money, substitute Catalan, it works.
2: not a stereotype about Catalans per se, but a gene which is much more common there than in other places; see: being the only Spanish region whose regional day commemorates a defeat which they brought upon themselves and which could have been even worse. And how did they cause the situation leading to that defeat? Why, 12 years of Succession War weren’t enough, they(3) had to go and decide that they wouldn’t accept the renunciation of the Hapsburg candidate! Most people would have consider 12 years quite long enough, as armed debates go.
A man had been stranded on a remote island for many years when he suddenly sees a large freighter far out in the ocean. He quickly lights up a fire on the beach and throws in some leaves and minerals he had saved for that very occasion, and soon a large column of colorful flames and smoke towers over his little island.
Fortunately, the ship’s crew takes notice, and they send a couple of men in a lifeboat to see what’s going on. When they meet the man, they offer to take him on board and bring him back to civilization.
“I’ll be forever grateful,” says the man, “but if you can spare a couple more minutes, let me first show you what I’ve built up for me in all those years. Here, this is the hut where I sleep in, and this is my furnace, my toolbank, my water reservoir, my hydraulic press, my vegetable garden. I even have a little birdhouse! And this is the synagogue where I sometimes go to to ponder and pray.”
“That is indeed very impressive, sir,” says one of the sailors, “but what is that building over there?”
“Oh, that? That is the other synagogue. The one I don’t go to.”
I’m new around here so I don’t know if this is old news, but do we know Bernard Righton? If not, this could be difficult to explain for US readers.
Back in the 1980’s, Bernard Manning was an awful Northern Club comedian in the UK, who made a living out of racist, sexist and homophobic jokes. Even after he was deemed unfit for TV, he still made a living doing comedy in his own club in the north.
John Thompson’s response to Bernard Manning was to create Bernard Righton, the reconstructed, politically correct beer swilling, smoking Northern Club comedian. The last word in inoffensive ethnic humour? You judge: bernard righton - YouTube
Paddy goes into the same bar every night, and orders three shots of whiskey at the same time: One for himself, and one for each of his two brothers who have emigrated to America.
One night he comes in and orders only two shots. The barman, shocked, says, “I hope nothing has happened to either of your brothers!”
Paddy says, “No, everything’s fine with them. I’ve just decided to give up drinking.”
You might have to be Jewish to get this one, but here goes:
Two Jews are stranded on a desert island. Several years later they are rescued. It turns out they have built three synagogues there. When asked why, one of them answers: “One for me to go to, one for him to go, and a third that neither of us would be caught dead in.”
Not sure if this qualifies, but it does include different ethnic groups, so…
An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are all standing watching an American street performer do some juggling. The juggler notices the four gentleman have a very poor view, so he stands up on a wooden crate and calls out, “Can you all see me now?”
