Oderint dum metuant
Take that! (POW!) And that! (SOCK!)
Yes, once again, I, Wintermute, have triumphed over the evil Slortar and his Robot of Mass Destruction, EL Destrutificator and made the SDMB safe for all upstanding citizens. You can rest easy now, people.
What fiendish plot will you come up with next, Slortar? What twisted things are you mulliing in that fevered brain? You are a clever one, I will give you that!
(Aww, poor weasels!)
You guys are good. What a nice pile of resumes I’ve got here!
**Bishamon, ** your point about being new is an excellent one. One that I’m taking well into consideration. The oldbies here that have applied for the job are truly exceptional candidates, with many years of experience, and hey experience is always a plus. But I wonder sometimes if someone with less experience might be a better idea. Someone that I can mold and shape into my own Perfect Sworn Enemy. Hm.
But then I wonder some more. The Older Ones…well, they’ve got stuff on me that would get me arrested in nearly every city in the nation. And possibly brought up on charges before the United Nations as well. Now that’s an enemy! 
Ryam_Liam, this thread is in jest, in case you missed that.
Stop calling people names in MPSIMS, unless it’s clearly a joke. Since you opened a Pit thread about Ratty, I have a hard time believing your post was meant humourously. Knock it off.
I’m really more of a nemesis. Do you need a nemesis?
Yes, anyone who can get you dragged off to The Hague for crimes against humanity is a worthy opponent. Their intelligence gathering resources must be astronomical. Remind me to stay indoors when the satellites are overhead. However such resources are not cheap, and ultimately effect the bottom line.
Anyway I’m getting the impression, and I might be wrong so please correct, that you’re not so much after someone who can simply embarrass you by mentioning something that happened during eighth grade or describing in great detail what you might have done during that summer in Panama during your youth hypothetically speaking. I get the feeling that you want somebody who will pounce on every little factual error and logical fallacy you make with alacrity. Such hounding will make you a better poster in the long run. While I can resort to such common tactics as questioning your heritage and proclivities, I feel that such things are merely fireworks that may be pretty, but still leave very little lasting impression on others.
If your needs are simply for an annoying prat to call you out like a cur, I can handle that task. But I think you know what you want, and that isn’t it.
Until such time I can commense my berating,
- bishamon
Persephone! Let me be your sworn enemy! I’ll be your best friend!!!
You are mostly correct, **Bishamon. ** As Coldfire noted above, this thread is pretty much in jest. Someone to pounce on me, and someone I can pounce on…yes, that would be very, very good. However, I’d kinda like that someone to be a person I can also respect and jest with here.
You see, I’ve been on these boards for quite a while. Most of my time has been spent in MPSIMS. But lately, I’ve been hanging in GD and the Pit, because I’ve decided that it’s time for me to actually learn some things about the world around me. And BOY have I been learning. Great forums, those are. Go there. A lot.
::looks bashful::
Aw, shucks, Cristi. Don’t mention it:)
I’m not so much good at being a nemesis…see I don’t like confrontations and such. So can I be your peeping tom?
Yes, I know it’s in jest. I’m just playing along too. It can be difficult from time to time around here seeing where people’s sense of humor lies especially with everybody a little more tense than usual. And you’re more than welcome to pounce on me. But seriously, I know this was just a chance to have some fun and see what happens. Anytime you want to slap me around, I’ll know you’re kidding if you understand that I’m kidding back. extends peaceful handshake removes joybuzzer re-extends peaceful handshake
I lurk all the forums, but certainly don’t take the time to read all of the threads. I scarely I have time to read the ones I do. There are some really wonderful posters out there who are witty, knowledgeable, insightful and all around nice people. That’s why I’m here. I hope it rubs off.
Is that good sucking up?
The first time I saw this thread, I though the title was “Now Hiring: Sworn Enemy of the SDMB” but I knew that couldn’t be right because we already have one. 
Dear Ms. Persephone:
Thank you for your interest in Nemisis, Inc. We stand ready to provide you with cost-effective and highly efficient enemies at a price that simply can’t be beat. As we discussed, our Basic Archenemy Package “A” is most suited to your current needs. I am pleased to provide you with the following quote:
BASIC ARCHENEMY PACKAGE “A”
Includes:
1 Villain (your choice of freakishly mutated accident victim, super-criminal, mad scientist or evil millionaire)
4 Henchmen (type dependent on choice of villain)
1 Villain’s Lair (secluded cave or mountaintop lair; island hideaway available for $500/mo. additional charge)
All tricks, equipment, transportation, meals and paraphenalia necessary for one month’s worth of evildoing for you to foil (actual evil deeds may vary; consult your customer service representative for available selections)
TOTAL FOR ABOVE PACKAGE:
Dear Ms. Persephone:
Thank you for your interest in Nemisis, Inc. We stand ready to provide you with cost-effective and highly efficient enemies at a price that simply can’t be beat. As we discussed, our Basic Archenemy Package “A” is most suited to your current needs. I am pleased to provide you with the following quote:
BASIC ARCHENEMY PACKAGE “A”
Includes:
1 Villain (your choice of freakishly mutated accident victim, super-criminal, mad scientist or evil millionaire)
4 Henchmen (type dependent on choice of villain)
1 Villain’s Lair (secluded cave or mountaintop lair; island hideaway available for $500/mo. additional charge)
All tricks, equipment, transportation, meals and paraphenalia necessary for one month’s worth of evildoing for you to foil (actual evil deeds may vary; consult your customer service representative for available selections)
TOTAL FOR ABOVE PACKAGE: $12, 500 per month, minimum 12 month contract.
OPTIONAL UPGRADES:
*Use of weather machine: $2,500/week or $9,000/month
*Evil laser satellite: $1200/hour (min. 2 hours; requires 24 hrs. notice)
*Extra henchmen: $500/week per henchman
*Robot Army: $10,000/month (batteries not included)
*Evil Voodoo Spells: Call for prices
Please note that the prices listed herein are guaranteed for thirty (30) days from the date of this quotation.
Once again, thank you for your interest in Nemisis, Inc. If you have any questions or wish to discuss this estimate, please do not hesitate to contact me. I look forward to doing business with you soon.
Yours most sincerely,
/s/
Zappo
Vice President, Business Development
Oh, **'punha, ** I’m sorry. I forgot to address these issues with you:
-
I have been welcomed by Cecil. I am, in fact, one of the original 19 welcomees adressed by Cecil in aha’s thread from waaaaay back. But it was before I changed my username. So…neener.
-
I know precisely why the mods scoff at me. And no, I’m not telling.
Zappo, ** so nice of you to come out of SDMB retirement and place your application. I am very impressed with that particular package. However, I’m having a lot of trouble with Customer Service. I mean, I do have a few questions, but it’s hard to get past their phone methods. No offense, but perhaps they could just say something like “Good morning, Nemesis Inc., how may we help you?” instead of "Nemesis Inc, what the f* do you want, you stupid b****?"
Thanks!
Oh, damn. The folks at Corporate must have let Mad Max train the phone staff again. Please let me know what you’d like to find out and perhaps we can discuss it over Spot Dogs in my hollowed-out volcano lair.