Oh Mandy, you came and gave me an extra donut!

The BBQ Pit
1

Most mornings I stop at Dunkin’ Donuts and get a glazed and a toasted coconut at the drive through before work.

The drive through girl is named Mandy. I know because she says “Hi this is Mandy, may I take your order,” and also because she has a name tag with “Mandy” written on it.

I think Mandy wants my sex.

Every morning she always asks a question or says something nice, or mildly flirtatious while she hands me my donuts, and I pay the $1.26.

This is good. My vanity enjoys this. Mandy looks about 19 years old and it’s nice to see that she’s interested. It’s not my fault that I’m such a stud, is it?

She asks me about my convertible and my suits, too.

“Is it hot in that suit with the top down?”

It’s nice that she asks. I like it. I just wish I didn’t have to answer. I’ve always wanted to be one of those morning people but the fact is it takes me an hour or so to wake up, and it’s quite the effort to get the brain functioning enough to summon up an appropriate.

“Izznotbad,” I’ll mutter in the same way I mutter “Iwannaglazedannatoastedcoconut,” into the speaker at the drive through.

I’m going to have to cut it off though. Lately Mandy has crossed the line.

About a week ago she started putting an extra donut in my bag. At first I thought the extra glazed was a mistake, but I can see no way tio misconstrue the message implied in the creme filled donut that found its way into my bag this morning.

She must be trying to get my attention, find just that right third donut that will her my heart. Before the creme-filled I’d had various chocolates, jellied’s and glazed’s, and this morning’s creme filled bonus donut suggests a little desperate frustration on Mandy’s part.

I am being donut stalked!

If I rebuff her too firmly, will my donuts no longer be safe? Will I have to go elsewhere?

I really don’t want an extra donut. Two is fine. That’s why I ordered two. If I wanted a third I would have ordered it. Now I have to give away this extra donut, and now I feel indebted to her.

I feel guilty for my complicity in her crime and obsession with me. Am I supposed to cheat on my wife with her to pay her for the donut, or what?

Do you expect me to throw my whole life away and run away with you over some bonus piece of fried dough and sugar?
And now I get the feeling that Mandy wants to talk about it. So far I have not mentioned the extra donuts, and I don’t intend to. I sense she is puzzled that I have not acknowledged the gift (it’s not like she paid for it though. I’m sure she just stole it.) She must be frustrated and wondering whether I am confused, or thought I ordered three, or don’t like her, or what.

The fact is that I just want two donuts, not a relationship, no strings attached, no debt accruing, no donut stalker, just two donuts. What I asked for, nothing more, nothing less.

So, thanks a bunch, Mandy! Thank you so much for the extra donut, adn the flirtatious comments, but I’m married, old enough to be your father and I’m not going to have sex with you no matter how many extra donuts you give me.

I know it’s only a matter of time until you turn psychotic and come after me for rebuffing your affections. It’s not like they screen the Dunkin’ Donuts drive through people for emotional stability before they hire them.

And, I can’t get that Barry Manilow song out of my head, either.

2

Can I get the donuts? I’ll give you my address, you can mail 'em to me.

I don’t put out though.

3

Good story. My only comment:

If you eat two donuts every day, and don’t weigh 500 pounds, I hate you. :smiley:

4

Whatever you do, don’t sing her that Madonna song about donuts: “I see your two crullers, shining through, I see your two crullers and that’s why I love you!”

5

Go ahead and hate him. He doesn’t weigh a ton; he posted a picture before of him running in a race that confirms it.

Scylla, check the bag before you leave next time and say, “Oops, there’s three in here, I only ordered two.” If she tells you that she’d been giving you extra before, remark that you didn’t notice, you’d been buying them for you and your wife and she checks the bag before you. (Comments here about her being the Angel of Death would be handy but darned hard to casually slip into conversation.)

And I guess this song is marginally better than the horror I had in my head after reading one post in Eve’s thread… brr…

6

Boo Hoo Scylla the hot 19 year old is giving you free donuts- are you complaining or bragging? :wink: Just kidding- god I love donuts, but if Mrs elf6c found out I was getting “special attention” from the hot donut girl ™ I would be stuck with bagels for breakfast in no time flat.

Besides, the bigger issue here is- coconut on donuts? Yuck!

7

Get mrs scylla to go through the drivethrough one morning with you.

End of story.

8

johboy:

I think it’s Cindi Lauper who sings “two cruellers.”

9

What Beagledave said.

Take the Missus and the Kiddo with you.

Problem solved.

E.

10

So you had to share it with the whole frickin’ board?!

Just for that…

“Someone left the cake[sub]donut[/sub]out in the rain…”

::D&R::

11

I think Mandy hates you, and is trying to kill you.

Otherwise, she’d be slipping an extra Krispy Kreme doughnut (The Official Doughnut of God[sup]TM[/sup]) in that bag, and not the nasty Dunkin’ Dognut.

And you’re right, Scylla – it was Cyndi Lauper who sang “Two Crullers.” (Although the joke was genius.)

12

Scylla, I think you are missing one of life’s all to rare porn moments… “I’ll give you a cream-filled, baby!!!”:smiley:

Your wife, if she has ANY sense of proportion, will forgive you.

Some things you just HAVE to do!

(don’t tell Astrogirl I said that! I’m in enough trouble now…)

13

You two are correct: Cyndi Lauper sang True Colors. I must give credid where credit is due: I heard a comedian (Al Mathews) sing the song “Two Crullers” on the Dr. Demento radio show some time ago.

But I will accept kudos for remembering it!

14

Two Cruellers
Not by Cyndi Lauper

You with the sad eyes
Don’t be discouraged
Oh I realize
It’s hard to give donuts
To a guy in a convertible
Who doesn’t appreciate it at all
And to find the magic donut
Can make you feel so small

But I see your two cruellers
Shining through
I see your two cruellers
And that’s why I love you
So don’t be afraid
To give him more
Your two cruellers
Two cruellers
are there because
They’re leftovers

Show him a smile then
Don’t be unhappy,
Can’t you see
He’s a two donut guy?
If his suits make you crazy
And you’ve taken all you can bear
You call me up
Because you know I’ll be there

And I’ll see your two cruellers
Shining through
I see your two cruellers
And that’s why I love you
So don’t be afraid
To give me more
Your two cruellers
two cruellers
are there because
They’re leftovers

15

All that work and it’s been done before? You evil, evil little man.

16

That extra donut isn’t laced with GHB is it?

She may be taking advantage of you without your knowledge!

The addition of the cream-filled is, IMO, an ominous turn of events. Cream-filleds are the 2 carat solitaires of the donut world. There can be no mistaking her intentions now. The addition of your wife to your morning drive through may only make it worse, due to the whole “forbidden fruit” aspect.
I’m afraid your only option may be to drive through with a male friend outfitted with assless chaps and a dog collar (granted, this would have to be a very understanding friend).

That, or you could find a new donut source.

17

Why or why must deep-fried sweet pasties be so entwined with carnal pleasure? Can there be no donuts without sex?

18

Wasn’t it Madonna who sang, “Last night I dreamt of some bagles?”–I can’t remember the song title, though.

19

Re: Donuts = Sex

It’s gotta be the hole in the middle.

Just look at it!

But sometimes, a cigar is just a cigar. And a donut’s just a donut. Not this time, though.

20

Just let her know that all men over 35 are impotent. At least that’s what I heard. I’m 34.